₦airaland Forum

WhiteNigerian:
I had a misunderstanding with my girlfriend that i have been dating for abt 2yrs now. She accused me of cheating on her just because her friend told her she saw me paying for the meal of a lady i met at the restaurant last sunday. The lady in question was my coursemate during my uni days and it's been a while since i saw her last. i think close to 4years now so we were both excited when we saw each other at the restaurant and i offered to pay for her meal. When my babe confronted me with the allegation, i explained myself to her and concluded with dis statement "i didn't mean to hurt your feelings" and her reply was "U're too small to hurt my feelings". i was shocked but i acted kul. I love her but i hate insults most especially when it has to do with my personality.
Should i break up with her? pls I need your candid advice. thank you.

GreatResearcher1:
They not only beg. They pay for it.

Kamani8:
Lol

Not just that.
Op should work on his looks.
Look sexy so your wife won't have a reason to cheat

olabrinks:
You want to call off the marriage because of some flirtatious messages? Though, not justifying but how many women leave their husbands because of cheating? I’ve realised that a lot of men are seriously emotionally weaker than women, and they really do not know how to use wisdom to handle situations. Go and complain to your people na, they will tell you to manage your wife and that is just the truth. There’s nothing better outside that you are looking for. Marriage comes with ups and down, and unless your life is at risk, you’re suicidal or something very significant has happened, you better stay in one place.

Why not sit your wife down and talk. Why not try to patch the underlying issues in your marriage ? Do you think marriage is child’s play, something you can just leave anytime you like? Na wa oh

Kamani8:
Sorry to hear this op.
Just pray for her to stop. Go on your knees and pray.
Also work on how you look. Be sexy and try to satisfy her in bed.
Also don't look at her phone so u don't see what u dont want to see.
Try also to stop those behaviour that could make her look outside.

Again pray for her, she will stop.
Prayer is the key

blovesther:
that is one problem with our men. they think they have every reason to cheat while the woman is to bear regardless of what it is or what comes out of the cheating

mignone:
Pls hold on with calling ur ppl; try to salvage ur marriage as a nuclear family first. You, d man are d head of ur home and should be able to handle most issues.
- She could be immature
- what was ur courtship like/ow did u meet her? Hope she didn't agree to marry u as a last resort?
- Also, what is ur marriage like? Is it working? Are u friends? Are u both satisfied to an extent?
- normally, d early years of marriage isn't so funny, it's d commitment of both parties dt determines ow it eventually turns out.
... trying to talk some sense into her cld make her retrace her steps.
I wish u all the best.

blovesther:
Don't call off the wedding....if you guys doesn't have a child yet, just pray for God to give you one soon and by that time, she will be looking at her phone and there will be no chance to use it because of the child's care.

though you can confront her so as to scare her and possibly make her change but if she doesn't feel remorseful and probably doesn't want to change, please show her the exit door

History555:
I need candid advise pls no insults. I got married 2years ago, of recent i noticed my wife has been spending so much time online. Not that its unusual to me because i know shes kind of addicted to her phone.
But suspicion made me pick the phone on several occasions but it was paasworded. Finally i was able to discover the password after many trials and to my surprise she has been chatting steadily, morning and night with this guy.
Not only that the guy calls her sweet names and she responds. Even to the extent of telling her he wished they were married. Her response showed she was receptive to the idea. Then she asked him why he did not make a move since and he blamed his financial status.
In summary i hve seen enough, though i hve neva confronted her. My plan is to inform my people b4 calling the marriage off.

Omar09:
You shouldn't make one in the first place. Instead you should counsel people on how they could look out for themselves. You do know more than half of the population in the world still thinks being selfless is a virtue. But they forgot that time is that thin line between virtue and foolishness

ibkayee:
A few guys on Nairaland recently discovered the word 'simp' and now we won't hear word

Omar09:
I will like to chip in a little here;

1. That he wants to marry his girl doesn't make him a simp, hell he could manage his girl more than you self acclaimed redpill will. I am redpill and I am not against anyone having a girlfriend. Just know when to walk out that's all.

For the rest, you should let them be. Not everyone will believe in the redpill and that's good. Cause if everyone believes in it, then it becomes a charade, a sham of its own.

Now you are in the phase of hating on women because of one hard experience you had with a woman. This is the angry stage, it is strong but ineffective. You have to work on yourself to make yourself a better human. I will leave you with this words;

YOU CAN NOT CONTROL THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE (BOTH MALE AND FEMALE) BEHAVE ENTIRELY, BUT YOU CAN CONTROL THE WAY YOU BEHAVE TOWARDS THEM AND HOW THEY BEHAVE TOWARDS YOU

HarunaWest:
Mine was the usual Fish Smell..I just inserted and the odour hit me, I pulled out immediately .It was like sulphur mehn couldn't breath I almost threw up..Had to wash John Thomas with Dettol and Soap that day mehn
If you saw the chick ehn, classy chick from a wealthy home oo..I was so embarrassed for her.

duchaB:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." —Genesis 2:4

"Since a woman’s body is a passive and receptive element, it is clear that her body collects and stores more of the results of the sexual acts than all of those men who commit adultery with her; those results are atomic substances from the men with whom she has had sexual intercourse.

Therefore, when someone has sexual intercourse with a person who has been with another partner or other partners, both then absorb the atomic essences of the other partners and poison themselves with them. This is a very grave problem for those brothers and sisters who are working on their psychological defects. Because then, not only do they have to fight against their own errors and defects, but moreover, they have to fight against the errors and defects of those other partners with whom they had sexual intercourse." — TPM.

It is easy to misinterpret passages like this, so let us analyze it.

When you enter the psychological environment of another person, you are influenced by it. For example, if you spend time with people who drink, smoke, curse, and talk about negative things, you will be tempted to join in all of their behaviors. Naturally, if you already have weaknesses in those areas, you will be more susceptible. 

Sexual union is also a joining of psychological environments, but the influences are far stronger and deeper. Observe how after being married for many years a man and woman even look alike. They talk alike, walk alike, think alike. They have truly "merged" not only physically but psychically. This demonstrates the psychological aspect of sex. 

When you sexually unite with a person, there is a permanent and irreversible bond created because there is an atomic exchange, a merging of atomic substances. The bodies, hearts, and minds are united atomically. They influence each other very deeply. 

So, when you sexually unite with a person, there is an exchange of psychological influences. Each sexual act of that couple reinforces the influences.

Thus, the interests, tastes, tendencies of each person are exposed to the other. So, similar to spending time with friends, but far, far deeper. Afterwards, you have a whole new set of psychological influences in your mindstream. If before you had no interest in alcohol, you now have it. That is not an "ego," but a tempting influence, that if followed, will create egos and karma. 

Therefore, if you have had many sexual encounters, you have absorbed many psychological influences, and if you have acted on them, then you have created egos and karma through your own actions. That is why the passage says:

"...This is a very grave problem for those brothers and sisters who are working on their psychological defects because then, not only do they have to fight against their own errors and defects, but moreover, they have to fight against the errors and defectsof those other partners with whom they had sexual intercourse."

Those "errors and defects" are the temptations, desires, interests, tendencies, behaviors, which if acted upon, will create egos and karma. 

It is impossible to exchange "egos" or "karma," because those are made by our own hands. 

Your karma is the result of your previous actions. You cannot be rewarded or punished for the actions of another. Karma is exact. It corresponds to your own actions. Therefore, it is impossible to "absorb the karma of someone else."

Similarly, your egos are "karmic," because you made them. An ego is a psychological entity that traps your own consciousness because of your own actions. You cannot have the consciousness of another person trapped inside of you. Each ego or defect belongs only to the one who made it. Therefore, it is impossible to "absorb the egos of someone else."

TBC..

ibkayee:
Financial compatibility is important, true. 7 years is a very long time to have invested into a relationship, based on this and the fact that they're both relatively young, I think it's worth trying to salvage. For example, OP can test things out by not being as much of an enabler, if there are still no improvements, he can move on

EggSauce:
So my babe offended me by ignoring my calls which she's fond of doing... So I decided to cease communication with her just for 6days.... Now she's saying within that 6days of not communicating a certain guy has come to see her parents and they have approved him... I don't want to believe that because we're on a lockdown... Within that 6days sef she blocked me on all social networks and just unblocked me now.... I think she's trying to play a game on me... So house what do you guys think please.... Pls ignore my typos...thank you

ibkayee:
It sounds like a salvageable flaw. Also, assuming you're of similar age, she's young and in that zone where it's 'socially acceptable'/she can somewhat be excused for making questionable financial decisions, so I wouldn't write her off as a complete lost cause just yet, teach her, help her.

7 years is a long time to throw a relationship away, you know her best however, so if you think there's absolutely no fixing the situation I guess you may have to just cut your losses

aminusodiq:
I met one during my nysc who confirmed all d above assumptions!!! Promiscuous is just an understatement!!! She never felt remorse for her actions

Ningen:
When I was a teenager, a man I barely knew in my area offered me a lift after I greeted him.

I was going to the market. I had no valid reason to decline. On our way, this elderly man started asking me a lot of really strange questions.

He first asked if I was single and a virgin. Then tried persuading me to follow him to his house at that moment. Shit, I got scared. I said no.

Man refused to give up. He promised me money and lot of girls. Said I'll enjoy. I told him okay but he needed to drop me off first let me buy stuffs.

Dude insisted on following me but I manage to convinced him that I'll visit so he let me go and drove home to wait for me.

He never saw me again.

3 weeks later, I learned he was murdered by lethal injection at night inside his own home tied like a dog. Probably he raped someone...

And got served.

dontjuststop:
Hello Nairalanders,

I got married to my lovely wife on the 5th of March 2016 and we have a beautiful daughter together. Two years after the wedding I received a revelation from God through a dream that I will meet a lady that will change my life. I was scared when I woke up from the dream as I was newly married.

Fast forward to a year later I met this lady and we got talking. By then I had forgotten about the dream I had so we got talking and I wasn't really attracted to her at first. She fell in love with me almost immediately even though I disguised as a very broke person at first and I returned her gesture after which we got intimate but I made sure she knew about my marital status.

During the time I own a medium fruit juice and bottle water factory which was doing well. I noticed work began to improve at the factory and we started getting large orders from distributors all over the southwest. I struck a deal with a logistics company that provided us trailers to meet our distributor's target as we now sell thousands of packs daily. From there, I started buying lands and now have two estate projects we are now selling to recovers the spent on the project. In addition, I have started taking building and drainage contracts.

A year after we met, my wife started suspecting am seeing a lady outside the marriage and she confronted me which I obviously denied. Immediately I started scheming of how to get rid of her. In compensation for her services, I sent her to a country in Europe with the help of my travel agent, all expense paid by me just to make sure I get rid of her. After spending three months abroad, she reached out to me telling me she can't cope without me. I thought she was kidding then I dare her to return to Nigeria if she truly misses me which I thought she won't.

To my surprise, she returned to the country a week later and I was shocked as I couldn't believe my eyes. I was disturbed that I had to confess to my pastor what I did outside my marriage. He was visibly angry with me but after listening to my story he calmed down and prayed for me. After the prayers he said he would have asked me to marry her if I wasn't married yet. Then he reminded me of how he preached to me earlier not to marry
yet but I was blinded by love.

The most shocking part was when he told me God sent her into my life to bless me and she is behind all the blessings I was coming across ever since I met her and I decided that I shouldn't send her away unless she decides to leave by herself. I love my wife and I have sworn nothing will ever separate us but sometimes I think of marrying her but I don't know if I can handle the headache of having two wives. If I ever make the decision to marry her, I will build or buy her a house and tell her not to come near my family.

Am sharing this here so as to gather advise from people with experience in such matter. You are free to insult me as much as you like as long as you can add something reasonable to the discussion. I know I am not a saint, all I want is an advice.

Many Thanks!

Zanxx:
First off, you don't know me. Secondly, If you have been unfortunate in meeting the materialistic ones then sorry, I do sympathize with you. Thirdly, don't think it's only guys who are treated this way. I as a lady was told I can't be dated because I was jobless back then. So please don't act like you know me.

Rozz:
The male chauvinists are headstrong with the fact that his virginity cannot be tested and proved but sadly for the women it can be proved. Medical science must discover a method to test and prove men's virginity too. Only then will this victimisation of women end.Female virginity is equally as important as male virginity.A malewhore deserves a femalewhore.No malewhore has the right to want a female virgin.

Theonlywan:
Someone who made up her mind since but chose to tell me after 15 months I can do way better

bolacruz:
Hello every Nairalander, i need you take and opinion on this.

So i have an ex who want us to come together, she is not asking me to marry her but just to service her (sex) as we use to do in those days. She is presently a mother. The problem is she is married, hmmm kind of, really this is where am confused. I do not really know how to classify this.

Okay, she use to or still married to a man, but they are not leaving together anymore for more than two years now and when they were still staying physically together there was no more sex inolve in the relationship for a long time (about two or more years) before moving out. Technically divorce but have not gone through the court divorce process due to the regorosity involved. The man still want her back but her mind is mind up. She is presently leaving alone with her child in Abuja in her rented apartment.

Her separation from him has noting to do with me just their irreconcilable differences. She is very choosy person, so am not surprise i was her first call, as been a familiar face. I don't really see them coming together ever, i may be wrong sha, she is also trying to initiate the divorce process.

Am not going to narrate the reason for their separation but chai, the hubby really really messed up. I must commend her, lots of women will endure some nonsense all in the name of marriage.

So guys what do you think, She is married but technically divorce, do you think i can help her out as in sex of a thing. I know she can surely get what she demandded from someone else but am also kind of interested but for a married woman, hell no. But is she still married?


https://iheartintelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/married-or-not-you-should-read-this-heartbreaking-story.jpg

SweetCunt97:
If you are a broke man, use Condoms. Una no go hear. Babies ain't cheap.


OK you a good guy but the truth is, excuses breed contempt. You simply took on responsibility you not ready for. I hope you guys sort things out sha... Pls make she go buy napkins afterall our mothers used them and we fine.

HiFreda:
Send her money to buy a bigger, better generator that would only require the press of a button to start.
Problem solved!!

domopps:
Good day guys just something to negate our attention away from the regular threads lately on Nairaland Covid -19 just stumbled on this on Twitter where two lovers are are really blowing hot and I decided to bring it here to know your opinion on this ... As posted by @Deeji on Twitter

Do you think the girl is wrong for saying that or the guy actually take things too far ?

I come in peace ...I would be back wanna quickly grab cold zobo and pop corn because I know this would be interested


Cheers

Lalasticlala , Mynd44