₦airaland Forum

Be a man and explain to her face.

You do not love this woman at all. You want her family's financial support, and her presumed chastity. You already speak about her with distaste, and you are not even meeting with her regularly, being long distance. How much more terrible do you think your regard for her will become, once you are married? Do both of yourselves a favour, and break it off now.

In the comments there is a strong backlash, citing the husband's payment of the bride price, and ownership of his kids.

With the echoes of slaves being bought and sold as chattel, and shipped from Nigeria's shores, will anyone step back, really step back, and reflect on the irony of defending bride purchase and ownership of children, today?

Waiting for the storm....

Olamsoh:
Everyday I see men at restaurants, church, gym, work, i see boys who just wants to talk to someone about their struggles without being judged/gossiped about. We bottle up a lot cause societal programming from boyhood “be a man”. SOCIETY ISN’T READY FOR MEN TO SHOW ALL EMOTIONS. It gets harder in relationships depending on your partner, everything said may be weaponized when next y’all fight & when you don’t express it’s toxic masculinity. How do show weaknesses without being ridiculed? Who do you run to when your values are tested without looking weak?

When men hangout we talk about everything from business, sex, women, sports, cars, religion. Loud laughter & baritone voices masking our deep pains with superficial topics & superposed masculinity, while walking on eggshells around the real issue. When what we really want to say

How most men are lonely in their marriages, How we battle daily with the temptations of infidelity, how family financial burden affects our mental health, how we learn in the moment to be better fathers cause no fatherly figure or how the only manly thing we want to do is cry.

One of the challenges of having this sort of conversation on here is women slowly turning it into a gender debate & sex blaming. Subtly saying “yen yen yen, shut up & stop whining”. The only way forward for us is dialogue. It has to happen, now or later.. It gets harder in relationships depending on your partner, everything said may be weaponized when next y’all fight & when you don’t express it’s toxic masculinity. How do show weaknesses without being ridiculed? Who do you run to when your values are tested without looking weak?

One of your brothers confides in me, in the safety of internetland, where I won't accidentally say something sensitive about him in front of his friends. We have yet to meet in person.

Gentlemen, if you are not yet married, I would recommend you choose your spouse wisely, not so much for the size of her yansh, but for the capacity of her heart. And strive likewise to match her.

It pains me, reading on this forum, how men and women are selling both themselves, and each other, short--with low expectations and little regard for their potential as human beings. I see changing this situation as a key way forward for the country--for it is made of nothing but individuals, who can only bring about change for the better, starting with their own assumptions and outlook.

Companionship, honesty, and loyalty, in any relationship.
Add sex if it's a sexual relationship--but not all are.
Loyalty and fidelity are not necessarily the same thing, btw.

Why are you doing your little sister's homework for her?

I'd like to read more about the context in which this was built. I trust this is not a model airplane out of a box, because you can buy those ready-made. Did he machine all the parts himself? Did he pull his materials as waste from the gutters, and manufacture something marvellous from it? That's where the real story is, and it isn't being told.

jnoz23:
Too bad they can't fuk like men
Na to lie down, open leg!

You've not heard of pegging?

babyfaceafrica:
who says OP has good friends?..good people have bad friends!.we all have that friend who smokes,drinks and likes woman while we don't.you are assuming all OP friends are good people?..I do not subscribe to people dating a friend's ex though,it is somehow

Yes, I am assuming that the OP's friends are good people, at least in his own estimation. I guess I am applying my own standards. If someone is not, in my estimation, a good person--they are not in my circle. But, your cut yourself off before finishing your last sentence....

Does this also apply to couples who are elderly (past childbearing), or if one of the couple has been medically sterilized, for whatever reason?

babyfaceafrica:
At least you can appreciate her good taste in men.


what does the above mean?

OP is concerned that the girl he's considering marrying has slept with a lot of his friends. They are his friends, though: people he himself sees fit to associate with, and must think well of as humans, or else why would he keep company with them at all? So presumably this young lady has dated men of good character, as far as the OP is concerned. If he were to start dating another girl, she might have dated a bunch of guys of dubious nature, just that the OP may not be personally acquainted with them. Which consideration carries the most weight with the OP: his friends knowing what she looks like naked, or him knowing that she has chosen good men?

I would "like" your post to acknowledge your ordeal, your observation, your analysis, your loss. But I'm not liking it. I am sorry for what happened and don't know what else to say.

Readonee35L:
Still did this recently.
09 camry
2az-fe
5speed auto

Notice your check-engine warning light?

Let your instincts be your guide. But I ask you this: would you prefer a lady who has dated many guys, that you don't happen to know? Because that will likely be the case if you let her go and start dating another lady instead. At least you can appreciate her good taste in men, if you see fit to keep company with them, yourself.

Seems it's not only the elder brother who attacks without making investigations. Practically all of the responders have done the same. Remind me why I bother visiting this forum, again?

https://www.kamloopsthisweek.com/news/kamloops-hit-and-run-crash-claims-third-life-1.24006647

For those of you flinging insults at each other and across the globe, here is the latest on the story. Please read it carefully.

Kindly note that it has not been stated whether the OWNER of the vehicle was actually the DRIVER. Given that the registered owner has been released, the implication is that the driver who fled the scene, is someone other than the registered owner. When the investigation is complete, we will have all the facts available to read. Unfortunately, that will not help the deceased.

I will not dignify those working themselves into a lather over false assumptions, by responding to them.

dustydee:
Sad. Where does your story say the driver ran away? Seun, mynd44 and moderatos, top posting misleading headlines.

https://www.kamloopsthisweek.com/news/kamloops-hit-and-run-crash-claims-third-life-1.24006647
Here is the most recent update. It should be noted that it is yet unclear whether the driver of the vehicle is also its owner. If the owner is not the driver, it explains why he or she was released. The fourth person in the vehicle, who survived, has not yet been identified.

odave:
Lord Jesus! What kind of news is this now? To me this looks like terror attack but I might be wrong. I don't know any of them but I'm just sad reading about their deaths. May God rest their souls

Not a terror attack. Vehicle pulling out from a side street onto a busy street, at night, with poor visibility.

Trust Nairaland trolls to shame a woman, whose story they know nothing about.

scribble:
person wey done chop like N2 trillion inside naija money

wetin be N5 billion to am

However Otedola got his money, and regardless if 5 billion is "nothing" to him...it is a lot to the rest of us, and that is the point. He is using it where it will do some good--unlike most of the excesses I see paraded by lauded "yeyebrities", for people to drool with envy, accomplishing nothing of any value to anyone. Why discourage him or belittle his act? The only way to turn bad money to good, is to use it for good.

The fellow considering marriage, is not husband material, himself.

drezzyx:
Can you practice what u just preached?

Yes.

Just Say No To Crack.

bukatyne:
Sorry for my long posts as usual.

This was written by a foreign woman however, I very much agree with her.

I remember when guys used to write love letters and wait for days for her to respond to now where they chat on what'sapp and conclude like they are transacting meat in one day.

The rampant nudity, crassness and bed hopping have reduced women's worth while same women scream that there are no longer good men.

They've got to go back to the drawing board especially for those who want marriage and want to be respected by men.

Nothing beats a guy who is in love and dedicated to a woman.

No woman should settle for less.

Sad that you posted an articulate, well-thought-out topic, which has received only 24 likes even after a week, probably because most people don't have the attention span or capacity to hold a line of reasoning, for the amount of time it takes to read it.

Then your post starts attracting irrelevant posts and attacks on feminism. I guess everyone has a different take on what feminism is--but among its many components, in my opinion, are self-determination and dignity. Feminism does not need to co-opt the worst facets of certain males' behaviour.

"It's my body and it's my choice" is a feminist statement. But posting unclad photos to see who can garner the most Likes from guys, is letting guys determine the posters' worth, at least in the Unclad department--and that is not in accord with the principles feminism. Feminism is still young in Nigeria. It is going through some of the same growing pains, already seen and overcome, elsewhere.

I do not know if the young women in the original article are much different from certain twenty-somethings of our own youth, with plenty of undetermined years ahead of them, now observed through elders' lenses. Nor do I know if they are "typical" of the original author's society, or what their situation is. But as you see them as fairly typical in Nigeria, and as a change for the worse, I am wondering if the trend to live for the moment, without concern for planning about life in the long term, is a result of a feeling that there isn't enough certainty in life to make plans, nor a foreseeable future to plan for. Such behaviour is a common outgrowth when people feel they have nothing more substantial to live for. The behaviour described might not revolve around feminism at all.

I admire the lady's determination and efforts to reach out to others.

I struggle to understand WHY parents have so many more children than they know how to feed, let alone bring out the potential of--male or female--in an already poor environment, with no sign of improvement or opportunity for the multitudes in the upcoming generation. All this, knowing full well how babies are made.

My failure to understand is sincere--please don't hate on me, I would rather you enlighten me. This is an issue I grapple with. And understanding this issue, without hatred or prejudice, is critical for all of us, to finding a solution and moving forward out of poverty.

All the young woman in the video is asking for, on behalf of all women, is a little appreciation from their guys--which will help them enjoy the encounter as well. Is that too much to ask for?

OP made an unfortunate economic decision to go into fraud, which got him arrested and in jail. His choice jeopardized the wellbeing of his family that he was supposedly trying to help.

OP went to jail for the risk he knowingly took, meanwhile leaving his wife to feed herself and their daughter on her tiny trading profit.

OP's wife, in turn, made an economic decision to team up with another dude, who is able to afford feeding both of them, and not one but two kids. Presumably the new dude has legitimate income, or she wouldn't walk into the same situation again.

OP made an economic decision that hurt his wife practically. Wife made an economic decision that hurt the OP emotionally. The ultimate goal of feeding the family has been accomplished. The family is being fed. Just not by the OP.

OP is looking for justice. Cold justice has already been served. OP is now free to be guided by the lessons from this episode, and move on with his life.

Wheel blocks should be both sides of the wheel. Tyre does not look fully inflated.

You know, in other countries, the driver would lose his licence for good, for driving a potential incendiary bomb of many tonnes--because that is what it is--without brakes. Unmaintained, uninspected vehicle...the owner would face heavy fines. If anything had gone wrong, jail time for both. At least he familiarized himself with the brake status, before starting his trip.

amarachi06:
I have been married for 6years without a child. it has been the worst time of My life to be married without a child.

Anytime we argue, he will shout at me with scorn and hateful words but he can never speak to his family members that way.

lf l try to talk with him over some issues or advice which will benefit us, he will shot me down, only for us to suffer later.

l have tried to Know my wrong to him but he doesn't wanna tell me. l am in deep pains cos he has told me "that anytime l want to leave, that am free to do so".

On Monday, he came back around 12am, and l was worried till that time. He came back without explaination and l asked him, whether l am that invisible to him, and his reply was "if l am tired, that l should leave". l now replied, "if l have a child, will you send us out?" he didn't say anything but l know that his attitude is cos of that.

The day l had my Last miscarriage was in 2016, and the tears l had in My eyes was not about my baby but knowing that l will Not be loved again by my husband.

l am tired! l almost went Into depression, and sucide, cos of his attitude to me. l don't Know how to handle him, cos my presence irritates him.

Please Sound advice.

You can do better than stay with this ingrate who disrespects you. If being married with children is your ambition, find yourself another man who will love and respect you. If it is still difficult for you to conceive or carry to term, do a very loving thing with your new husband, and adopt a child to raise as your own, and give it the chance of a good life.

This doesn't make much sense to me...if she has true lesbian/bisexual leanings, why does she "repent" against her own nature? If she is not lesbian/bisexual, why was she engaging in lesbian activities in the first place? This feels like it's mostly about publicity.

Because really, how is any of this our business/do we need to know in the first place?

johndoexxx:
Doesn't make sense. When you do this, you ruin sports. Market forces; supply and demand is the fundamental driver of any industry or business. Women models earn way more than their men counterparts; because female beauty sells more. Even men prefer to see female models than fellow men models. Likewise men earn more in sports because it's base largely on athletism and strength where men dominate due to their high testesterone; more competitive and fun to watch. Even women prefer to watch men sports than fellow female sports. Have you ever seen all women gather like men to watch female sports? No, but they will gather to watch female model or celebrity like Kardashian; to pick up one or two styles. Let the free market fundamentals drive the industry! This issue was a hot topic in US years back, since US is largely a capitalist economy, the NBA and other sports refuse to bulge, insist "men earn more because of high views. If the women get their views high, they earn more too. Simple"

If you want to watch an actual game of hockey played without grandstanding, watch the women's game. They focus on the actual sport...very refreshing.

This thread basically consists of three pages of mud-slinging between Christians and Moslems, yet nobody has addressed the core issue, north or south, that people with no qualifications of any sort, are running "rehab" facilities, incarcerating people in the equivalent of livestock stalls, without any food except what their relatives bring them...sometimes only once a week, apparently.... The family somehow feels that whatever the behaviour is that they find troublesome, its root cause lies in the individual not being "religious" enough. Has no one noticed that invoking yet more doctrine is yet to solve any problems, but only entrench existing ones? Rather than make a stronger application of something that already isn't working, maybe acknowledge that isn't the cure.