₦airaland Forum

Intriguing story.

Well, no human is indispensable and the day you should have used to lay some 'ground rules', you used it to knack.

Seems she is expecting number two. Adekunle, Kare!

Happy birthday Simi, long life and prosperity.

AG doesn't strike me as a loving husband sha, can't place my hand on it.

Nice humorous article 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

Newton2024:
It was a Facebook group not on her timeline.

So it should only be seen by the group members however a member of the group posted it in public?

It now makes sense.

11yrs & 7yrs marriages still failed.

Shouldn't you hang your boots sir?

And the wife that married him after two failed marriages....hmmmm!

virginprincess:
Congratulations to her,now no Nigeria man can take her for granted.

Because she has a landed property?

A man disposed to disrespect you will even if you own the whole world and you let him.

EriMma1:
I hope so

Do you think someone who knows she can be seen by her husband/in-laws/ family members/friends etc. would type such online?

I don't think so.

MrBrownJay1:
to each their own misery!

Which kain comment be this?

olabrinks:
Absolutely. It is a criminal offence to lay your hands on someone.

Interesting.

You also think women who do same thing (e.g. Amber Heard) should be ruined same way?

Who borrows such huge debt for consumption?

APC o!

OP

I apologise for derailing your tread.

cococandy:
Don’t overestimate yourself. I’ve given you time today because you came to do that your “throwing stones and hiding hands” things that you’re so good at. It doesn’t mean I have the time to devote to you or to prove my level of holiness to you or anyone.

You don’t need to go fishing for my posts to show anti Christianity. I will summarize it here for you to save you the time and effort

[b] Many Christians are horrendous hypocrites who can’t see how they oppress those who don’t believe in the same things they do. They talk large about persecution but somehow are suddenly blind when they see people of the same faith as they are persecuting others for not believing in the same things they do. Child sexual abuse, marital rape, misogyny and all kinds of family violence etc run rampant in many churches. Half the pastors are scam artists and the others are actually good people at heart who can’t see how some of the things they support perpetuate violence against women especially.

Yes I believe in marriage equality for everyone. I don’t think any government of any nation has the right to create national laws based on their religious beliefs because that opens the door for everyone to want to tailor the laws to suit their own personal religious beliefs. You can’t support that and cry against jihad or any other religious oppression from a different religion.
I could go on and on but that’s it in summary” [/b] .


If you don’t like, take it up with Jesus my dear.

You have it backwards:

I had your time today. You quoted my first on a post that doesn’t concern you (except you are the OP).

I never said I would fish for your posts: I said I would call you out on anti-Christian posts (if I have the time or in the mood).

You are free to believe what you believe in. However, there is nothing like marriage equality in the Bible: it is a man & his wife; there is nothing like marital rape either.

I keep telling you: you can't do one leg in and one leg out. You can't seat on the fence. In this spiritual race, you are either for or against.

"If I don't like it, I can take it up with Jesus." What a Christianly way to speak. I am not a Muslim yet it wouldn't cross my mind to refer to Allah or Muhammad that way.

Stop forcing yourself to identify as a Christian. You are seriously struggling.

This guy's head dey work like calculator sha.

Very business savvy.

More ororo on his head.

EriMma1:
LoL.. e don happen!

This is what happens when you have sampled different types and sizes during your singlehood.

This generation ehn... God help us. Good for the husband. I don't pity men cos they clearly go after these ladies with Ashawo vibes forgetting that such women are not easily satisfied with one man and would one day get bored of them.

Which one is Ashewo vibes again

I believe most of these people are just catching cruise. Facebook is not an anonymous platform like NL where no one might know you.

AImiron:
According to report, his account has been disabled by Twitter.

Say no to Racism.


Source: Twitter.

Account disabled, good.

FairlyUSEDpussy:
Racism apart........why wud Saka even waste crucial penalty just wen u know we just few step winning bpl cup..........

There is a state called 'being tired'.

cococandy:
Saying so many things and saying nothing.

And yes I’m a Christian. If you’re not happy about it, take it up with the heavenly council next time you attend the holy people’s monthly meeting.

Not my fault you can't understand a response to your own question.

You are a Christian? Fantastic. 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

Get ready for me! I would call you out on clearly anti-Christian posts with Biblical references (when I have the time or I am in the mood).

This Heavenly race, we must run it together.

When we get to the new Jerusalem, I would use autotune to sing praises to Baba God so you can bake meatpies for me.

cococandy:
Fantasies about you?

Hmm. Says the person who doesn’t know how to not center themselves in topics that are not about them personally.

I am not the person who has started two pages because she jumped on a quote that doesn't concern her.

My pronoun is she/her.

You are addressing me in first person pronoun. I am not a legion of demons that is themselves/them.

cococandy:
Obviously it’s been too long ago and I’m not about to go start digging up specific posts to prove to you that you support strict social norms when you’re actually saying it yourself in the moment.

Okay I’m not a Christian by your assessment. And you are. So you’ll leave it to the almighty judge? Inukwa repent. Okay assistant Jesus

@bold the fact that you would somehow even insinuate that there’s anything remotely to be ashamed of if one doesn’t identify as Christian is the self righteousness that makes my skin crawl. Like ick

If you are not sure, did my post before inferring.

Self righteousness? if your skin is crawling use Dettol or whatever antiseptic you have around you.

There is nothing to be ashamed of if you don't identify as a Christian. You try so hard to be identified as a Christian yet your posts doesn't sound remotely close. I am not assistant Jesus; there is no assistant Jesus Abeg, don’t put me inside trouble.

cococandy:
So you don’t support strict social norms (aka strict traditional gender roles etc) that’s the misrepresentation I’m making?

Just to be clear.

So you have not been clear since and you are assuming?

No ma, I do not 'support' strict gender roles (aka man provides, woman does the home management and chores). I don’t even think it is fair especially if the wife works. However, I would understand a couple who decides to do that if it works for them.

I believe a wife is in charge of home management which is different from doing chores.

If However there must be a hard line (only one person can play a role), then the husband provide and the wife stays at home.

cococandy:
Mmm. So you quipped in with your snippy comeback to a post that efficience directed at me and you don’t know what it has to do with me. Sneaky lil thing.

Since you’re such a better Christian, why not let God have the final say? I mean your Bible does say that. And Jesus himself describes your type perfectly too. I know you see those verses when you read it. If you do read it.

If you’re such a champion for marital sanctity, you should be very vocal about the disgusting things the Christian men on here post about marriage and how they treat their wives. But they won’t see you a good woman if you do and that’s more important to you.

Just saw your last paragraph.

I am not vocal about the things 'Nigerian' Christian men do? I am not vocal about marital sanctity? I am sure you are clowning now.

https://www.nairaland.com/7138441/women-what-bring-table-men

https://www.nairaland.com/6391644/christianity-anti-modern-feminism-red-pill

https://www.nairaland.com/5405788/fatherhood

https://www.nairaland.com/5763457/christian-husband-like-christ

https://www.nairaland.com/5741247/does-he-want-does-he

https://www.nairaland.com/5014439/breeding-unsaved-christian-husband

https://www.nairaland.com/1869112/husbands-honor-wives-pav

https://www.nairaland.com/1178578/why-dont-christians-apply-bible

I have pasted about 8 of my topics out of which 6 is directly about roles of men (fathers & husbands) in a marriage especially Christian. Topics as far back as 2013 and as recent as 2020.

I am not looking for posts because they are too numerous.

You should have told me you were bored and wanted to whine me. I would have posted online ayo or ludo for us to play.

Stop projecting whatever fantasies you have in your head about me. I have a husband & family who loves me so much so I do not online validation and say what I need to say. I do not need anyone to see me as good or bad online; it doesn't add one kobo to my pocket. If people's perception about you on NL matters to you, goodluck to you.

I am the same person online & offline; my family members know my moniker. They know bukatyne is a very good girl that tolerates absolutely no nonsense FROM anyone even as God is helping me to be more tolerant.

cococandy:
Mmm. So you quipped in with your snippy comeback to a post that efficience directed at me and you don’t know what it has to do with me. Sneaky lil thing.

Since you’re such a better Christian, why not let God have the final say? I mean your Bible does say that. And Jesus himself describes your type perfectly too. I know you see those verses when you read it. If you do read it

So every time a person rides on a post engaging you, they are referring to you or looping you in their post? I like the level of self-importance in display. Are you the person referenced in the OP because I directed my post to the question asked. If you are, confess, let us help you.

Better Christian compared to who? You? You are not a Christian. It is not an insult; it is a statement of fact. If someone reads my posts and comes to the natural conclusion that I am not a Muslem or traditionalist or feminist or Igbo, it is a statement of fact.

Except if you do one thing in your closet and say something else on NL which means you are ashamed of Christ and deliberately leading people astray which is another problem.

The Bible is clear: by their fruits you shall know them. Your fruit (which is your posts on NL) tells me you are not. As I have said earlier, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

And if you claim to be a Christian, then review your posts/ opinions on topics on NL and repent.

You will give account of every post on NL.

I am still waiting for those receipts or you admit that you misrepresented what I stand for in your previous post.

olabrinks:
if he has committed adultery, physically violent, drug addict.. you don’t think that’s enough to divorce?

Let's assume he did all of the above, is that enough for his life to be ruined?

cococandy:
1. Yes it’s totally ONLY my own personal experience because the world I live in only consists of my immediate surroundings. Nothing to do with anything I’ve seen or read happen to others. All the thousands of patients I care for in year in year out, are my personal experience.

2. Don’t get snippy when you tried to chime in (on a post that wasn’t responding to you anyway) with a haughty attitude and get called out for it. Just say you don’t see anything beyond 3 feet from your face and call it a day.

3. Christian faith. Me I’m a Buddhist I suppose

4. Edited. I seem to recall a post where you were saying men who find a traditional wife that doesn’t expect them to do caregiving duties are lucky. I don’t recall the exact text but it’s something along the lines of he who finds a wife that plays her part and doesn’t expect such does not know how blessed he is.

5. You don’t see how those uber strict social norms can contribute to a society where sick women get left because they can no longer be the primary care giver as the men aren’t adequately prepared to function in such roles?

1. I said your experience and not your personal experience. I also said my experience. However you got that experience (books, patients, relatives, neighbours etc) is inconsequential.

2. This is cracking me up. Are you the OP? Come out and let's give you advice. Efficien. cie made a post I agreed with and I quoted the part relevant to me to address the OP. If you are not the OP, I honestly do not see how my post concerns you.

3. I gave a summary of what forms my 'naive' posts and you think it is tackling you again. Seems you dreamt of me this afternoon. Abeg send me meatpies and puffpuff. Since you mention Christianity, let me address this: you are not a Christian. You are struggling not to identify as one; I don't know why. Why did I state you are not a Christian? By your fruits (posts) here. You support things that God has stated is an abomination; you support Nigerian women doing wrong things because 'it is in retaliation to men'; you do not uphold the sanctity that the Biblical marriage has. You shy away from supporting the Biblical model of marriage and lifestyle. Nobody would read your posts and think you are a Christian. I do not know why you are struggling to dissociate yourself from Christianity; perhaps it is your conscience or the Holy Spirit still trying to convict you. To be honest, you cannot please the world & God. You need to choose one and be proud of it.

4. From the little you know about me, you should know I love receipts. Quote the post (not out of context) here. I have written epistles dissing fathers who think their role stops at financial provision. I have addressed several posters who think only women should do chores. Bring the receipts, don't speculate.

5. Back to point 4. Bring receipts where I stick to strict social norms. I don't stick to strict gender roles in my home so why would I preach it here when I know I would account for every post here as a Christian?

Waiting for receipts o! It makes the posts sweeter.

I almost thought it was Ned Nwoko.

GeorgeForeman:
I had to create a new account specifically for this post.

Today makes it 7 months my left with my kid.

I married my wife in feb 2021 in a low key ceremony.I have known my wife for years before get married to her as we lived in same compound.She is from Imo and I am from Enugu state.She is 23 and i am 26

We have a daughter together.Trouble began about 7 months after my daughter was born,my wife always complained i dont give her enough money for upkeep.I work as a security guard for a company earning 75k monthly.Out of that 75k,I remit 40k to her monthly for upkeep.She is a school teacher but i don't really know how much she earns.

Given the situation of things in the country,I know she may be right when she says the money i give her isn't enough but i am genuinely trying my best.it hasn't been easy.

Asides from her nagging about upkeep money,my wife is a good woman.She cooks and takes good care of our daughter.

Things got worse when the company i was working for folded up.I think the owner got involved in some shady deals and the company building and assests were confiscated.I was without a job for some time and we were surviving on my savings and and some menial jobs i was getting.

Times were hard.I opened up to my wife that i want to learn cctv And solar panel installation.I viewed this as a good skill to learn and have.I enrolled and i am an apprentice now learning alongside some other boys.

My wife couldn't bear any longer and she left with our kid without informing me.I have called her mom to beg.She said she will talk to her.I don't even know where she is though i heard she stays with her aunty.

I have begged her to return home to no avail.The issue is affecting me emotionally and mentally.I mean i'm already having a hard time trying to learn this skill,why should my wife add to it?

I really need the encouragement and warmth of my wife especially now i haven't been feeling fine for some time

Did not hear anything about her parents/ immediate family.

What has been her view on finances in marriage during courtship?

MaryMo:
We are looking to hire an experienced HR, i was thinking we could get a good one for as much as 250k

As much as N250k in today's Nigeria?

As much as

God help us.

Acidosis:
It is appropriate and VERY OKAY to ask the woman or the man you want to marry ANY question. ANY.

If that question you want to ask will bring wahala, then you're not ready to start a sane, healthy relationship.

Gbam!

BmAe:
During an introduction or let me say bride price negotiation and payment, the man will bring drinks, bring gift then carry his people down to his woman's house and then pay money for the wedding.

The question now is will he be the one to also pay for the food that the woman and her parents will cook when he and his people visit?

Will the man pay for the food or support since he is coming as a visitor with his people.

Depends on the Culture.

In Yoruba land (at least my part), the husband-to-be brings lists/gifts etc. while the wife-to-be hosts them.

All the events: Introduction, Traditional Wedding and White Wedding (if done) are done at the wife’s location or a location of her choosing.

cococandy:
It’s illogical to think that everyone whose spouse left them when they were ill must have been complicit by choosing the wrong person when in fact some of them were married over decades together and then their illness happened and they saw the person they married couldn’t handle the situation.

This is happening in such high volume you don’t think the problem is the way we are raising men to shy away from care giving? Calling it feminine to expect caregiving from men. You think the real problem is with the women choosing them? Following that logic no Nigerian man should be chosen because in that same situation, most of you would definitely leave. Apply this logic y’all claim to have.



You don’t hesitate to add naive and reductive comments to posts that require more complex and nuanced takes. I’ve seen sick wives of decades who get left at the diagnosis of a terminal illness (some husbands too). Through those decades they built together, unlike what Efficience is implying some of them got married in their 20s as college sweethearts so definitely no gold digging involved. And 20-30 years later they get left in their 40s and 50s because they got a debilitating diagnosis.

You think they are at fault because they should have known 20-30 years ago what their spouse was going to do decades in the future.

Middle age will come for us all. I’m in my early 30s now. I’m humble enough to look at women in their 50s (even 60s) being continually done dirty and recognize they used to once be like me, young and assuming they know it all and have made all the perfect choices. This is not in any way to promote a pessimistic outlook on life but to recognize that I don’t know what I don’t know.

The haughtiness of assuming all those people made the wrong choices and we are the only ones who have it figured out.

When DJ Cuppy tells us that her daddy flew her from UK to Italy for a cone of ice-cream, it sounds strange to me because my papa nor get that kind money. I would however not dismiss her experience.

The fact you are surrounded by evil men doing women dirty or you have never seen a good man doesn't mean it is my experience.

I have seen really good men (nobody is perfect) do all they can to make their wives and children happy. I have seen men really respect and uphold the sanctity of marriage. I have seen men give wives second chances that wives might not give their husbands. I have also seen the not so good and the ugly.

So ma'am, leave me with my 'naive' posts borne out of my experience, my Christian faith and my personality while you continue to post your complex and nuanced ones borne out of your own experience.

Thank you.

efficiencie:
I don't see how you could deduce that I am inferring that more men lack the qualities I listed or that the woman gave the man a chance - which chance? Your conclusion does not logically follow from the premises you culled from my statement. I am not debating your so called facts even though overall, women are more likely to initiate a divorce than the man.

[b]My point is that men and women are complicit in the disaster that happens to them. Women prioritize financial security and physical attributes in their choice of a spouse while men prioritize physical attributes and sexual gratification in their choice of a spouse. Most men and women end up incentivizing bad men and bad women by gratifying them maritally. If all ladies agree never the marry a man for financial security or physical attributes but rather seek piety, purpose, leadership, selflessness and character I assure you that most bad men would be weeded out of the gene pool. Also if all men refuse to marry ladies that falter in piety, purpose, submissiveness, loyalty and sexual purity such women would be weeded out of the gene pool as well and generations later humanity can be proud of their ancestors and the decisions that made towards creating a perfected human race. However, this is not the case as most women love bad men that have money and look good while most men love bad women who have great physique and can perform signs and wonders in bed[/b]

I knew about this line of thinking way before I got married and to GOD be the glory I have never my marital choice. If couples make the right marital choices we won't have anyone asking the question that the OP asked

@bold and 2nd paragraph:

Very well said.

People should stop marrying foolish spouses so they stop asking foolish questions.

Quiteparrot:
Given that you are from a different tribe from your hubby, would you like your children to communicate with their dad in his language at home and leaving you in the dark about their discussion? I understand that it's advantageous for the kids to speak different languages but I kinda feel not too cool with it happening under my roof, that could make me feel like a stranger in my own house.

You should have thought of this before marriage; not 13 years in.

You should have learnt the basics of your wife’s dialect so that you harness the benefits of the intertribal marriage.