₦airaland Forum

You saw someone dragging her ex all over social media, your sense didn't tell you such woman had no shame? she probably heaped all the blames on her ex and you swallowed it hook, line and sinker. You thought you could change her as the messiah that you are. Take your L in peace orobo.

Why would he even allow her make a video? I bet nobody will call the girl a kiss and tell, immature girl now. She must have tried to blackmail him before leaking the video. MOG in the potopoto.

It is not her fault. Ladies should take some responsibilities for protecting themselves against rape though. If I go to computer village to get a phone and someone sells a bar soap to me in the guise of a phone, is it my fault? No it isn’t but would I want to lose my money so I can find fault in the person who sold me the bar soap? It is my responsibility to guide my pocket, to not speak to street boys trying to sell me a phone, to go straight to a phone shop to make my purchase, by so doing I reduce the risk of been sold a bar soap by at least 80%.

Except you are going to a party with your partner, you shouldn’t dress this way. Also do not get drunk, take basic precautions to reduce your chances of been raped because even if the rapist goes to jail, you can’t be unraped.

greenie77:
Do your nieces and nephews also have to turn 21 before they can access the provisions you made for them, without your brother's wife or sister's husband acting as an intermediary?

Most definitely. This will give the fund time to compound and make sure the beneficiaries of the fund are the actual beneficiaries.

Vinnie2000:
From Exactly where did You guys get this Info that Tobi used and dumped Alex?

Do u guys have Picx or anything to prove this?

because None of dem has EVER said they dated!

U Guys probably swallow the Big Lies of hungry bloggers and digest it!

When they had their reunion, Cee C said Alex and Tobi had sex. Apparently she heard from Nina, who heard from Miracle who was Tobi’s best friend. Alex started crying on live TV, she never denied it.

I won’t call it use and dump though, it’s just besties doing what besties do.

Munzy14:
You are not nice..

You busted his bubbles.

The child’s name is Abdulmalik, that was a very easy spot. I guess he was rushing to comment.

The gentleman has not said he doesn’t want to leave anything to his wife, he just doesn’t want her to have everything.

Most women do not include their husbands in their wills, it’s about time men start thinking with their heads. Set up a trust fund for your kids, when they turn 21 they can access the fund without your wife acting as an intermediary.

No one knows the time of his death, there’s no guarantee you will outlive your parents, make provision for them in your will, you can always edit the content of your will as changes occur. Make provision for your nieces and nephews, siblings and even friends who you find worthy.

Leave something for your wife if you think she’s deserving. That’s totally dependent on the kind of person she is. it’s not an obligation and you absolutely do not owe it to her.

SankaraSo:



Married in August
Child born in December


And a Pastor wedded them?

Nigerian churches are really performing miracles with women's virginity.

Since when did pastors start wedding muslims?

michlins:
Sign alimony before marriage or marry a wealthy woman. At least your own sweat wouldn't be what will be shared but hers too.

You’ve mentioned ‘alimony’ in multiple comments on this topic, I just found it thoughtful to correct you. Alimony is a financial support to ones partner in the event of a divorce aka spousal support.

I think you meant ‘sign a prenuptial agreement aka prenup. However, a Judge can determine a prenup to be unfair to a partner and as such prenups can be broken.

From the OP, the couple involved are based in Nigeria, in case the marriage ends, except the woman has proof that she contributed towards the cost of the building, she won’t get half or anything at all. Since there are no children involved he would not be mandated to pay a dime, especially since she’s the one filing for the divorce.

Women always blaming men for making them cheat. It is never, i found someone else attractive to them, it always have to be about something their husband did or didn't do. Once a woman suddenly start complaining about you or finding faults in the things you do, she's cheating or she's about to cheat. She just want the cheating to be your fault.

The guy who got his heart broken by a corps member and went home to cry to his wife will not make heaven. Poor wife.

GetMeRight:
You meant her hatred for him? She should stop disturbing their lives, the girl don marry. She should let her be. Who likes in-laws interfering in her or his marriage?

What would be your advise to this man if he tells you his wife and his mom never gets along and his wife does not want him to talk to her again? Be honest.

bummyla:
I dont think you are married Sir! Am in the same situation with him! Some Aunties and Big sisters do not know when to let go! They are manipulative

Hmmm I’m not married sir! but what would you do about a manipulative aunt? Especially when your partner doesn’t see the manipulation? Would you force her to see things from your perspective? I like people to make their own mistakes, that’s how people learn best.

uyimen:
Thanks for your view. this is exactly my wife view on the issue. But what am seeking advice for is not saving me from her Aunty, but how saving her from her Aunty.
She has accused my wife for taking the shine off her children, ie taking their destiny, what mother will say that?
What i dont understand should i allow it simply becos she stayed there of 18yrs. 18yrs of serving her and her children. Dont even want to talk about that.
Worst of all my wife relationship wit her biological mum who i term the best mother inlaw ever!!! is near zero, out of fear how the Aunty wont take it.

I love ur contribution but is not the case here.

Understandable, but your wife is an adult capable of making her own decisions. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. You are already fighting over the woman’s matter, meaning her prophecies about your marriage are gradually coming to pass.

Get closer to her real mother, invite her over, visit her often, call her, send her money etc just leave your wife to the aunty, one day her eyes will clear but that’s not really something within your control, except you want to take people’s advice here and end your marriage.

As long as your wife isn’t forcing you to have a relationship with the woman, just ignore them. Atleast that’s what I would if I were in your shoes.

I know you and your wife’s aunty do not like yourselves, and you are allowing it affect your relationship with your wife. Your wife lived with her for 18 years, she practically raised your wife and can be referred to as your mother in law.

Treat her with respect as you would treat your own mother or let your hatred for her remain your hatred for her, stop forcing your wife to have issues with her, don’t put her in that position where she has to choose between her ‘mother’ and you, it’s unfair to her.

Hathor5:
bold
Something tells me that you will be a great father, loving and loved dearly.

blue
In many countries governments encourage fathers to look after their children temporarily. While the mother stays at home after delivery for 6-12 months, the father can stay with the kids for some months afterwards. Or if the mother is not breastfeeding, he can take over few weeks after delivery.

I love fathers to be more involved.

Bold
Lol thanks, I do hope to be a good father someday.

Blue
Yes some countries have 5 weeks paternity leave with benefits. Both parents must do everything they can to be involved in their kids lives, especially during their developmental years.

When you disclose your income to people, they tend to develop unhealthy expectations as to what you should or shouldn’t do with the money.

As long as my wife plays her part to the financing of the home, I wouldn’t care to know what she earns because I won’t disclose mine to her. Besides if you know what your wife does, you can have a reasonable estimate of what she makes.

It would be a privilege to retire early and be a stay home dad aka househusband. I would really love to be very active in the life of my kids. Drop and pick them from school, take them to their games, have a hot plate await them when they return from school etc.

I won’t want to be a househusband without money though because women do not treat kindly men without money. I think we will see more men willing to be househusbands when more women are willing to provide for their families without a grudge.

To get the average woman to contribute 50% for the upkeep of their families is still a tug of war talk less of being the sole provider. If a woman has to solely provide for her home she doesn’t need the man and she will show him clearly in words and in deeds.

Breakups get people feeling undesirable & unwanted, so people will do everything within their power to make themselves feel wanted.

Men will chase and women will make it easy for chasers or do a few chasing of their own. It’s all for a good ego boost.

Why does everyone want to introduce the OP to someone they know? Men too don dey dig gold

Ngoziwrites, first of all unlike ladies, guys do not make plans to get married two years from the time they get married. A guy is ready when he’s ready. Once a guy is ready he can get married to someone he met two weeks ago. We don’t plan our lives like women, we are more spontaneous, on the spot kind of humans.

The guy has told you on more than one occasion what he thinks about marriage, you said you acted like you didn’t hear. From the way you comment to people who try to advise you, it seems you only like to hear what you want to hear.

Your relationship is a distance one and still very new, you do not know this guy that well to be thinking of settling with him. You probably never seen him mad? You don’t know his level of hygiene, you don’t know if he does house chores, how he relates with his family etc. You are seeing him for the second time next week.

Do not jump the gun, make effort to advance your relationship. If you work remotely, move to Lagos if you are sure of the relationship, or transfer to Lagos if possible. That way you hang out more, you get to really know him. All these phone communication, seeing yourselves once in 4 months won’t cut it.

Lastly, from your initial post you said he asked you out when you were together, meaning you travelled to meet a guy (not your boyfriend) in a hotel. If he hadn’t asked you out, you would have been there for casual sex. He probably still sees you as a casual lay, fwb. The foundation of your relationship is faulty. Even to the 90th century, guys would still be particular about the morals of the person they intend to settle with.

I think you should do one of these two things; let go of the relationship and do better when you meet someone else or enjoy the present, let go of any thoughts of something serious coming out of this. If it happens, it happens.

All the best.

It’s so cute how girls like to feign ignorance. Would the guy have approached you to tell you about the job if you were a guy? Would you have been talking to him about apps if he was a dirty looking, bulging eyes guy? Would you not have respectfully discarded him?

The so called innocent discussion with another guy is making you fight with your boyfriend. The fight would be a very good excuse to get close to the work husband. Soon conversations with the other guy would increase, then he would invite you out and since he’s just a friend there’s no harm, then he will invite you to his place and well he’s just a friend. Then you see how cool his crib is and before you know pata has shifted.

You think your guy is childish and insecure? You will soon see how grown and secure he is once he develops the mindset that all girls belong to the street. When he dates you for 7years without putting a ring on it, you start calling him wicked. Just know these seemingly little feelings of distrust piles up in a man’s subconscious bit by bit.

pocohantas:
Lmao. How does that work?

Cheating o. People are enjoying the stability marriage brings and the excitement that being single brings.

Klass99:
This story reminds me of what Megareal (a nairaland user) said about marriage, on a different thread the 14th day of April 2021. I will never forget what she said because I thought it was profound! The full text is below, for those who don't mind kindly share your thoughts as a married woman.



See more of what she said below........

This makes sense. People decide to get married based on the circumstances of their lives at that point. A change in circumstances can quickly lead to regrets.

A person marries the best person for them and then meet someone seemingly better after the wedding or a person marries a healthy person and their partner becomes terminally ill, or employed husband becomes unemployed.

Then there are people who escape the trap but are looking to get back into another trap. Like someone else said it’s human insatiable nature, wanting to have it all. Many married people today have devised the perfect means to be married and single at the same time.

Legendoo:
Biggest issue abroad..

Those kids on here think marriage is about cheating and sex.

How to delegate bills and responsibilities are the biggest reasons for break up, mostly with black women. You know African mentality with feminism never works.

Facts. It’s funny how more money that’s suppose to be a blessing to a family ended up breaking up their family.

Everybody should use their earned money for themselves. If out of the goodwill of a partner’s heart they decide to contribute more it should be appreciated, it’s nobodies responsibility to take care of an adult.

BigBashiru:
What was the bill splitting formula before he got the new job?

50 - 50 all three years of their marriage.

sharone21:
You are right but the part u said bills should be split equally CANNOT be forced...Or during pregnancy and child bearing, u will help her carry it or help her pay a surrogate?
I believe in partnership in marriage and a wife supporting her husband and if God blesses her more, even be the breadwinner while the man helps out...but understand that unlike men who are not bugged down by child birthing and care which takes a chunk of a woman's life and economic wellbeing, many women have lost opportunities of more progressive promotions at their places of work and subsequently are at the lower rung of life financially.
There must be balance and each home is uniquely different.

Definitely, no adult can be forced to do anything they don’t want to do. The man also can’t be forced to fully take care of the home or to contribute more than his wife is bringing to the table. If the wife was living alone wouldn’t she sort 100% of the bill despite being economically disadvantaged?

If a man decides to take full responsibility for the bills it should be seen as a favour to the woman, not as a responsibility.

Let me tell you a long story, a friend of mine was working as call centre agent, he was making $34k per year, his wife worked in a bank and made $76k per year. They were splitting bills and chores. The guy was sponsoring himself to school too in hope for a better job.

Soon the guy got a job in a firm with $90k salary. The next month his wife asked him how they were splitting the bills, he responded with nothing has changed, same old same old.

The next month after that she asked again, he repeated his response and that’s when she went gaga, she said if he wasn’t going to man-up she had no need for him. Family got involved, the guy said she was earning double what he earned and bills were split equally, now he’s earning just slightly above her and she wants to change the formula.

Family then advised that they share bills on a percentage of income basis. The couple reluctantly agreed, after the meeting, the wife insisted that he paid the rent $2k while she takes care of food and water, electricity etc $500.

Long story short, they got divorced. Moral of my story; most women will not do for a man what a man would do for them. If my guy was the one earning 76k while his wife earned 34k, he would have been solely responsible for the bills, he would not have been splitting bills equally with her.

Klass99:
At the first bold, I absolutely agree.

The second bold reminds me of a conversation I had with a former superior.

The guy could never understand how he would give his wife like 100k at the start of a new week but when he returns home, wifey will send their daughter to tell him Cway water (the dispenser bottle types) has finished.

In his mind, he will be like but I just gave you money on Monday, why can't you buy the water! But his ego and shame combined (according to him) never allowed him to ask her to buy the water from what he had given her. He would quietly just do what was needed.

But, the day we had this conversation at the office it was clear from his tone that he was getting fed up of her shenanigans. And he said the same thing you did - that the ego (his tribal men in particular) have plus taking on all the responsibilities, is what results to husbands dying and a high rate of widows from his area.

Lol Klassy, always on point. There’s a popular saying on this forum about women evolving while men remain stagnant. This man is a clear cut example of that saying. When the world is in 2021, he’s stuck in 1991. I hope it doesn’t end in premium tears for him.

It’s understandable if a woman isn’t working, but someone earning? His wife’s boyfriend will be a lucky guy

The days when paying bills was the sole responsibility of a man are far gone. In those days men didn’t want their wives working and the made that abundantly clear.

If a woman makes money she should contribute towards the bills. They either contribute a percentage of their income to a joint account with which they take care of all bills or they split bills equally.

Even children should pay bills when they start earning, if they continue to live at home. Any woman who doesn’t want to split bills should be fine if her husband tells her to stop working.

It’s this kind of pride that makes men die early. Keep paying bills while she saves up all her own money. You will be telling your siblings you don’t have 10k to give them, she will send her own siblings abroad for studies.

It must be hard to be a celebrity. You can’t even breathe without people wanting to cancel you. This is why people should have hustles that are people independent. When people feed you, they hold the power to take food out your mouth too.

I like the VP, I will gladly accept any invitation to sit with him. I have freedom of association, freedom to support any politician I choose to support and I am unapologetic about it.

When Osibanjo was acting president; people were complaining about SARS, he asked that SARS be reformed, the violent end sars protest was averted till Bubu came back.

He sacked the president’s nephew who was accused of cutting grass for #300m

He removed the DSS boss for the siege at the National Assembly, even when the senate was at war with the presidency.

He released Nnamdi Kanu on bail. The tension in the east today would have been averted if he was president.

That man is a shining light in this administration and is worthy of association. If my association with him upsets fans, then they were never fans to begin with.

What’s her own baggage asides cheating? I hope one of the guys finds out so her options can be reduced by one. If she marries one of them she will most likely continue sleeping with the other.

Guy A loves more than one woman he is a philanderer, girl loves one more than one man she’s exploring her options. Define double standard again.

This isn’t the reality of things in the real world. Many women all over the world still need and will continue to need men.

Women have always been selective of the guys they mate with, a woman can reject 20 guys only to date a married guy with three side chicks.

There’s something called the pareto principle - it states that 80% of women are competing for the top 20% of guys. Most guys know this and are steady on their grind to join the top 20%. Most guys in this top 20% don’t even want relationships.

If women were as strong as guys, women will rape guys too. Have you seen the number of women using juju to trap men? Getting men for themselves against the man’s will. Isn’t that just as bad as rape?

Even working women still want men with money, women having their own money will not reduce their need for men, it only increases their requirements/standard for their ideal man.

Most men just want to have sex, it’s the women who demand relationships. It’s the same all over the world, even in woke societies. Go on any dating app, you will see women with words like “I’m not here for casual sex, one night stand or flings, I need something serious that will lead somewhere” bla bla. Go to churches there are women rolling on the floor, buying their own gowns and ring as a show of faith to getting a man. Take a look at any any pre-wedding pics thread on nairaland and see who has the “God when, I tap into this, I’m next” comments.

TLDR; Women will always need men. A woman rejecting a man doesn’t mean she doesn’t need men, it means she doesn’t need that particular man.

Magnoliaa:
True. Marrying is too huge a decision to be taken based on a favour or debt you feel you owe some people.

Why would she allow herself be pressurized into such when her judgment isn't impaired?

I mean. People can only suggest and make comments from whatever place. Whether good or bad; the pastor and his wife were only coming from a place of their understanding, however limited, that time is running out on her side, but na she go marry the marry. Las las, if she refused, they'll feel hurt and she might even have to move out, but she'd be doing something good for herself. Or she could have made them understand at that point, sensibly, why she wouldn't be able to marry someone she doesn't know. She's not a kid.

As she doesn't believe in divorce now, what will happen??

Some of these people will only remember the confining laws of God, they won't remember his preventive advices, so you won't land yourself in a situation you would not be able to get out of.

Exactly. There’s a Yoruba adage that says ‘’Igbeyawo dabi oja okunkun “ roughly translated as marriage is like a night market, it’s only when we get home we know what we have bought.

People can see someone as God’s will for them only to discover after marriage that the person is God’s won’t. Even people who weren’t match made.

She faced pressure from two sides, her parents were against the marriage, her guardians were for the marriage, she made a choice, unfortunately the choice turned out to be the wrong one.

Maybe it’s just the kind of person I am, once I make a decision, I hold myself solely responsible for whatever the outcome is. I take the blessings or learn the lessons.

Magnoliaa:
I like your angle. I. Have NOT agreed to it, that that's the situation here. I just like the angle you looked at it from.

Well, No one knows what really happened aside the poster’s sister. I just commented based on the picture the OP painted.

I like when people own their mistakes, She thought he was God sent, turned out he wasn’t, simple. It’s not a crime to make a judgement error. Trying to pass the buck is childish.