₦airaland Forum

hearttoheart001:
I and my lady has a very beautiful relationship that will lead to marriage not too distance time. I like having an open conversation with my lady. She is free to clear the air with me in all things. I see her as a friend, companion, team player, queen, and lover.

In one of our conversations, my girl told me I tick all her boxes like 80% but I should work on my financial life. I also believe in a traditional way of marriage where a man provides and protects his home. Granted I have made some not too good choices and I throw money away. This affects my pocket which my girl step in at some point. Due to covid 19, all senior non-essential staff was let off. I am without a job at the moment, while looking for a job or travelling to an outside country, I decided to position myself to earn big by learning a skill apart from a school degree. I am neck-deep into the skill and I know something good will come out of it.
My girl does have this feeling that I won't be able to provide for her, even though I am a good person according to her. I keep pushing it to assure her that she will be happy with me. Both of us have made a lot of sacrifices, I don't intend to leave the relationship.




What leads me to create this thread. I was having a conversation with her, she told me I am not "Assertive enough". I was a bit shocked. I intend to build a home where my wife is an equal partner but I am the head, my wife co-decision maker, my wife as a friend not subordinate, I am to be loved by my woman not feared. I understand Assertive to be:1 Confident 2. Forceful 3. self. confident 4. Positive 5. bold 6. Decisive
7. Assured 8. commanding 9. Authoritative 10. Dominant 11. Pushy 12. Pushful. 13. Domineering. 14. Determined.


To the best of my knowledge, I know I am decisive (though I seek her opinion on any issue to carry her along), I have built enough self-confidence but I respect people's boundaries and choices. I may be a very private person but I am bold, daring, and positive.
I never want to be pushy, authoritative, domineering, and forceful in my relationship or marriage. I want her to love me not to fear me. So I am surprised by her word. I will like to know what she means and how to make a necessary change. I notice some lapses in our relationship but I choose to allow it to slide because I want us to enjoy the serenity surrounding our relationship.

I have asked her if she wants me to be a NIGERIA KIND OF MAN not An Ideal kind of man in the relationship, she gladly says yes. So if I am an Authoritative man, pushy kind of man, domineering man, controlling and commanding man, will it help my relationship? Is there something she is telling me or I need to know? Please I need all the advice from people who are in a relationship or marriage. I am completely disturbed. I need that bashing and advice. Thanks

Everyone who has worked with me does say I am bossy, I am principled, I am a perfectionist. I never wanted my lady to feel that way. I accept most of her flaws, I only wanted to make a friend out of her.

I intend to show her this thread so we can both learn from it.

From your write up, I don't even understand what she meant by you should work on your finances

Is she expecting too much from you

Are you or have you been spending carelessly

Well, any woman who is working hard to make a living should appreciate a man who still play hi roles up to 70%

She needs to explain more about what she wants you to do

Lastly, you are not in this world to please any woman but to do your job as a man and a future father

Greatdand007:
Hello Nairalanders

Is it right to fight my dad over his land he sold out without tell his us and people were blaming me because my dad and mum were not in good terms they said I should have confronted my dad as the only guy in the family. wise ones in the house please put more light to this

Below is the chat of me and my mum friend daughter

Additional : my dad built another house for us but my mum refuse to move with him

Whatever you dad does with the land he bought with his money, is jus business not yours

But he can't sell an inheritance, especially land with out your consent, that's village land

What you can do is to ask him why he sold the land, whatever reason he gives you, is for your information and nothing else

Meanwhile, you have to struggle to get yours, that one is his own

Chiden:
Good morning Naira fam!

A lot has been going on around me lately, and even before now. I've sacrificed so much for the family and this year I've decided I'll put myself first. I've not even started but I feel guilty already.

Is putting me first the same as being selfish, because I'm confused

Whether you put yourself first or last is not the issue

Find your bearing first, before you lap anyone

Only successful people have friends, failures doesn't have Friends

Mrfrank2001:
Good afternoon nairaland family, I just broke up with my fiancee or should I call it wife, because bride price has been paid.

I work with one of the leading beverage company as a manager and I earn good six digit monthly. I met my ex-wife in March 2021 during one of my visit in my location of coverage, Immediately we met, I told her that am not coming to date you, that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, which she agreed.


After our meeting, I went for 6months training in Senegal and returned back to Nigeria in October and I proceeded to do introduction and paid her bride price in November 2021. In all this, she has never visited my village due to her work and my busy schedule. Fast forward in December 2021, she visited my village and she never liked anyone in family apart from my mum. I love her so much that I have never questioned her actions or raised my voice or a finger at her no matter the provocation.

After she left my village on the 28 December, she sent me different kind of messages and even laid grave insults on me calling me a 15year old man that man family controls and she requested to see me, which I drove to her location the next day, paid for hotel and lodged.

When she came to my hotel room to spend the night with me so that we can trash out any issues about our marriage, that was when I noticed that her ex who has been abroad for more than seven years came back and they have even seen. My ex started telling me that we can only proceed to get married if I start making arrangements for us to relocate abroad immediately after our, which after much deliberation, I accepted for her to be happy. As a young man of 33years I have plots of land in a good site in the south but want to make it as a surprise for her. Just on the same day 29th December 2021 she told me that she has made enquiry about spouse visa via master's degree that the total amount is 6million naira, I told her that I don't have such money to spend for now, she now told me to fund her own travel since I have a good job than her so that I can join her after 1year, I said I can't and she called off the marriage, I didn't plead with her, but I gently left with my bags and drove back to my location.

My challenges now is that I love her so much and am also afraid how people will feel of I disclose that we are no longer together especially my dad and mum.

Please I need your advice as she has been calling me since yesterday but am still finding it difficult to move on.
Note that she never liked any of my friends too apart from the one that leaves in her city.

You saw signs of a bad and poorly trained woman, Instead of you to use this opportunity to ask yourself if this woman came for marriage or she has a mission

She hates every one in the family but loves your mum because she dares not try to hate your mum, your mum will use wisdom to deflate her plans

The truth is that she doesn't love your mum, the position of your mum in her life will be revealed after the proper marriage

She wants to use you to relocate abroad and that's the end of your business with her

Why not cool down and study this woman to be sure that the characters she is changing to all the time is not because she like drams but that's just her character

You loved her so much, in that case you want to enslave your life all in the name of marriage

If you want to know the truth, all what you have told us here, call your family members and tell them, they will be the one to advise you better

Blind love have made people to make mistakes that can't realy be erased

Who cares about what people says, does that determines your happiness

oladiddy:
My wife and I have been married for over 3 years now with a beautiful daughter who is 2years plus but things are falling apart everyday.

Whenever we had arguments she will want to sabotage my job. Couple of months ago, we had an argument and I was to give update to my team via teams meeting (I work from home)..My wife keep raising her voice, I left the living room and went to bedroom lock the door behind to continue with my meeting but surprisingly to me, my wife went through the window and started the drama again.

Just yesterday there was another drama and she picked my phone unknowingly and call my overall boss.

Note: it is from this job am sponsoring her Masters in one of the centers in Uniport and also feeding the family. More than 70% of my monthly earnings goes to her. I am not a social person..I don't drink and either spend lavishly.

My wife is a very proud person and she has this obvious non challant attitude which are all seen by family members. Everybody keep talking about her but she's not changing. Although I have my own differences as well but she believe I can't control her. She's not submissive at all...I can say that over again and again.

Even while she's doing her masters, I was the one taking care of my daughter at home (thanks to covid)..in fact all my team members knows my daughter as my second colleague. I believe we all know how working from home with kids is like.

Please I need your advice. I am already thinking of divorce but the fear of loosing my daughter to her custody is my biggest challenge.

I am loosing my mind.

Please push to FP!

She just want to be naughty and made sure that you don't control her life

If you are ready to bear that fir the rest if your life, then stay put

But If you are fed up with such a disgraceful act, inform her family that you want to take a break from her because you need peace at home

As for your daughter she will not suffer rather she may not get the things she is supposed to be getting

May be that break will reset her brain

What's her gain if you loose your job, as if she can handle the family income

People that are rich from unknown sources and behaves in an irresponsible ways to his family and family members, got their wealth through a source only best known to him

All what you have mentioned that he does is part of the rules and regulations that guides his sources of wealth

Don't be surprise, the day he will die and be buried, his ally's will come to take what belongs to them from him and if your family resists, one of you will join them bye force

Left for me, leave him and his wife to watch the drama as it goes

Any man who derives fun sleeping with women all the time, has something he takes from them to renew his powers

Optimistic4life:
Year 2021 February to be precise, my husband served me a divorce notice. Though I saw it coming as we have been separated for some months.
The case is still in court though.

We are blessed with 3 kids under 10.

Soon the divorce will be finalized and we will both move on.

How easy is it adjusting to a new life as a divorced lady?

I just want to let it out as I have never discussed this with anyone. Just my immediate family members knows about it.

What is life like out there for me?

The shame, mockery, coping with kids alone, moving on etc

If you want to look or listen to what people will say, you will remain in pains or agony depending on the situation

No marriage is 100% guaranteed that it will lead to the end of a successful marriage

For a woman to accept a divorce from her husband means more than a man will accept

Meaning, I guess you were fed up with the marriage so you have to be prepared to move on

Those kids will definitely be in your custody, so be prepared to do the work of a father and mother at the same time, especially in terms of counseling

But am sure you both parents will take care of the financial aspects

Being a single mother is nit the end of a woman's life, it's another beginning of a new life

Make sure you input discipline into them because of tomorrow

Every thing will be alright at the end so far you are willing and prepared to take the task

With God in your side its not going to be a challenge that you can't handle

Pinkyposh:
It's only God that can judge this case

Honestly ❗

Night0307:
There’re no family members to seek help from, everyone is hustling their way through this poverty, I’m just resuming 2nd year in a 6 year course, I’m a very determined person and an education would be my most prized asset, so I’ll definitely come back to schooling. Pls the mods should help me in pushing this to the front page.

God will see you through in Jesus name Amen

Paramount01:
Good morning parents,I am planning to marry this year but the problem is not my tribe and I will love my kids to hear my language, how possible is it since my wife don't understand my language either.how can I teach them knowing fully well I will not be with the at all time and it is called mother's toungue.

For the fact that she is not from your tribe, you have to start teaching her your language and make sure that she is willing and interested in learning your language

Secondly, you will have to be traveling with your family to your village on vacation, if your parents are residence there to interact with them and learn more about your language and culture

But whatever be the case, which ever language your wife speaks is what your children will speak

Diagonal:
I initially had a long distance courtship with my wife while we dated. Later she came and stayed with me for some months bc she had accommodation issues. She was based in a different State. Altogether we dated for 4 years before our eventual marriage. All through those times we never had se.x. She never allowed us to, and since I'm a Christian, I willingly left her alone since it's even against my christianity teachings. Moreover she was a virgin and I felt there was no need putting undue pressure on something that was eventually going to be all mine.
Fast- forward to today, it's been two months after our wedding, no se.x. My wife is too scared of it. Each time I make an attempt, she gets so scared of penetration that my "thing" just collapses. Forcing her would make me feel like it's rape. I have bought all kinds of gel to apply and reduce pains, but it's not working with her. She is still saying I should give her time to get used to it.
Meanwhile she is the over-jealous type. She gets angry for as flimsy a thing as me viewing WhatsApp status of female contacts on my phone or Facebook photos of female friends!
I'm already feeling I've made a huge mistake in marrying her. I never thought I'd ever cheat after marriage, but it looks like I'm being pushed into it.
What can a brother do in this situation?

Two things are likely involved
Either your joy stick is big for her or she just doesn't want sex

How could she be afraid of what she claimed she have never had

At what stage in her life does sex becomes an issue

Let her tell you more

Night0307:
Hello nairalanders, good morning all.
I’d just go straight to the point, I’m a 21yr old schooling in a federal university in Nigeria, my mom sponsors me but as of late it’s been challenging financially, and of late the school has increased all fees and I’m affected deeply, my mom who is my only sponsor is growing old from hard work and it’s telling on her, so I’m thinking of taking a year off school in form of deferment of a session, to work and increase my financial stability and independence, I’m also trying to learn either coding, graphics design or even Seo writing as it might be, though I’m still trying to get a system, so I’m looking for a moderate paying job, preferably in Lagos, one that would afford me time to learn the coding stuffs, but I can also work anywhere.
I know about medicines and can work as an hand in a pharmacy perhaps and I’m open to any kind of work. I’m also open to any kinds of takes and advices about my position and what I can do to better my future.
N.B I’m not seeking financial assistance of any kind, and I’m a guy.
Thanks for your prospective advices

If you are not seeking for financial assistance from even your family members, then you are capable of sponsoring yourself

Anyway, you didn't state if you are in first year or final year

But I will advise you remain in school and seek for financial assistance from loved ones so that you can finish schooling

If you defer your schooling to hustle, there is the tendencies that you may not come back to finish your school

Ladycewhy:
How does a person who doesn't want to employ the services of a lawyer go about initiating a divorce process for a marriage done at the registry in Nigeria ?




Lalasticlala I need meaningful contributions please.

I think you need to ho with your family to inform their inlaw that you are tired and fed up with the marriage and wants to pull out

It can be dissolved there if you think they don't need to bring you guys together again

They may plead and it's left for you to accept and give a second chance

You are the one that knows what you want

FIFApresident1:
You're such a failure sister, a very big one at that.

Starting a new year with divorce.

Your conclusion is very wrong, you don't know what transpired
Your are not informed of anything

So she should remain in a bitter and unpleasant relationship

Why not wish yourself what she is passing through so that you can have the experience

poka7:
Pls nairalanders, I need help ....my wife is acting strange and I discovered she is doing drugs...she is doing tramadol, this is really affect her mental health and her life in all aspect. She is becoming aggressive and had lost all the attributes that made me marry her. Please what can I do, I sent her to her family few months ago, noticed the situation is getting worst and we have a son together. I am really worried...friends keep calling me about her that she is looking very unkept and looking dirty ....what should I do??

At what stage did she start taking Tramadol even while in marriage with you

Well if you realy love her and have the money to spend take her to a rehabilitation center

If you think that at this stage you are really fed up, take the child and return her to her family, since they can't even help in controlling her when you brought her to them

EkehPraise:
Top of the morning dear Nairalanders..

I think I have found the girl of my dreams and she ticks all the boxes for me except that she has said our relationship should be a no sex relationship till marriage because we intend to settle down this year by God's grace.
So please if you have been in a no sex relationship kindly share tips on how to preserve it and be steadfast till we tie the knots.
Thank you.

I really need good advice because I want this to be my Bus-Stop.

Sex drive and performance is one of the good qualities a man should look out for same with women

But if you are sure she is a Virgin and you are very sure, then go ahead

But if she is not a Virgin and she is telling you that is sex after marriage

Well, whatever you get or buy in a wrapped package is your gain or loss

Theonlysonofher:
While others are celebrating the new year today I am here sobbing because my marriage is at the verge of breaking.

I loved my wife with all my heart but I don't think I will ever forgive her for what she has done to my mother.

I am the only child of my mother. I have three sisters on my father's side.
I am married with two beautiful daughters. my mother suffered from diabetes, bp and high cholesterol. She is on a special diets strictly no salt or too much sugar.

She came to stay with me because the person who was taking care of her wasn't doing her job properly so I had to bring her to my house so I will be monitoring her health.

I have a house help who prepares all her meals with less salt and she also makes sure she takes her medicines on time without fail.
Everything was fine, my mother is not a troublesome person, she gets on well with my wife and most of the time she is in her room resting.

On the 20th of December my house help had traveled to the village to see her people and she will be back in January 4th so my wife and I have to take care of my mother making sure that her foods is less salty and medicines on time.

Since I am always working so my wife had to take most of the responsibility. It is only for a week and fews days until the house help is back.

She had agreed to take care of my mother during this periods of time and I thought everything was fine but I noticed my mother become distant and tired unlike her and I had no idea that she was actually dying and I have never suspected that my wife was maltreating her.

So Thursday being 30th December I was at work when my wife called and asked me to join her at the hospital because mama had a seizure.

I rushed to the hospital and my mother was in a coma state and I asked her what happened to mama, she said mama woke up that morning complaining about shortage of breath and she told her to go back to bed and rest hoping she will be fine by the time she will wake up.
Only for mama to fall off the ground and started shaking with foam coming out of her mouth.

I was in panicked I couldn't stop praying for my mother to get better and I didn't leave the hospital, my wife went home to take care of the children because she has left them with the neighbour and I had spend all night prayer vigil at my mother's bedside and glory be to God my mother woke up yesterday being 31st but the doctor report was not a good news for me.

Actually my mother was poisoned with salt and guess who did it? My beloved wife couldn't bothered to cook a different meal for my mother, she used to feed her the same meal we ate knowing full well that mama cannot eat the same foods as us because we are salt lovers, especially my wife, she love eating too much salt which I have warned her over and over again because it is also not good for her health.

I confronted her, she said she only fed mama the same meals we ate twice only but according to the doctor it was more than two times.

I am hurt that my wife doesnt love my mother or treat her like her own mother because if she truly loved her like her own mother she would have put her diet on consideration and not allow her to eat the same meal as us. I love her mother and u treat her like my own mother.

It pains me a lot when I remember five years ago when her mother was in coma state and she was staying with her at the hospital, she is her only daughter amongst three boys.

I used to visit them everyday after work, I will bring foods and I have even washed her mother clothes with my own hands, I have done with love because she is my mother. I called my mother in law this morning and I have informed her about what her daughter has done to my mother and she couldn't stop apologising and she is very disappointed with my wife.

But see how she has repaid me by hurting my own mother.

She has apologised to me and to my mother, I have forgave her but I don't think I can stay with her again because one day if I become sick or bedridden she might treat me the same way.

Honestly speaking I am not even at home with her and the kids, I am at my cousin brother's house since yesterday I left the hospital and my mother is still in the hospital because she needs more treatment and hopefully she will recover by next week.

I don't feel like going home today and I don't know when I'll go home but I will always be there for my girls because they are the best thing that ever happened to me.

What other advice would you give me on this situation? What are your thoughts? Thank you for reading all I love this community.

Sorry for such nonsense from your wife

Your mum was badly hurt and pls go back home so that you can plan how to reposition your self

You can't be far away from your home and mum this time around

As for your wife, she deserves any decisions you want to take against her

I don't like stupid behaviors not even from people you trusted most

As you recover from the embarrassment, your inner mind will advise you further

Phillipsburg:
It's a long read because I had to pour out my mind wholeheartedly. Please endeavor to read through.



I so much hate my dad right now. And even my mom for supporting him. I can always remember how unfortunate it is for me to find myself in this family in the first place. Infact, not having a family is better than this living hell I found myself because these people are bent on ruining my future with their own life.

My father is the person who will be fighting with my mom in a brutally physical manner where they'd be running after themselves in the street after almost stripping themselves naked. He's the one who doesn't know how to reprimand his children except by using curses. He's the one who would go out and come back drunk and turn everywhere upside down. All these I've endured for almost every part of my life and my mom has refused to leave him saying because she has kids for him.
I know some of you people will start saying all manner of things about how you would have cherished your parents if you had one blah blah blah but this is hell. It's choking me I feel like dying.

I just met a girl who happened to be my girlfriend and we've been together for some time now and my father is help bent on separating us because he doesn't want me to marry close to him so that there wouldn't be clashes between him and the mother of the girl because he feels the woman is a violent person.
As they've turned the house into a place of sorrow, i couldn't think of spending even a minute inside the house. I usually spend the evening with this girl at her place and return when everyone at home must have slept. The next thing was for him to start cursing at the girl and even threatening to go to her house and throw tantrums.
I just want to get out of all these because it's choking me. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm losing my mind because of everything. The emotional torture I feel whenever they start fighting. How angry I feel when he starts cursing everyone and shouting at us in front of the house and disgracing everyone of us throughout the whole neighborhood. The way he go about gossiping and talking bad about his own children and wife to outsiders and the whole neighborhood. I'm sick of everything.

I just wish I was born without a family because I'm even afraid of imbibing his behaviors and acting like him when I later settle down. I will never forgive him for making me become who I don't want to be.

That man has already giving birth to you and you have to take charge of your life

If you can afford a room accommodation pls plan and pack out

If you can't afford a room accommodation, then look for any family member that you can relocate to to start finding your bearing
He has lived his own life and don't allow him to trade in your life

As for your girl, continue your relationship with her and let her know everything about him and your family so that she won't be embarrassed

As for your father he will get tired either by age or by pressure

dyingheart:
we dated for five months. i showed him so much love and care. all he did was complain it wasn't enough, he wanted to date someone else. we're not talking anymore. i miss him like mad. i can't sleep, i can't eat, i can't do anything. it's like my heart has been broken into a thousand pieces. i can't breathe anymore. someone talk to me


****abeg, the man in question is not a Nairalander. cheating was from his part. i was very faithful to him.

You just want to injure yourself

How could you be showing so much love on someone and he says it's not enough yet you keep on struggling to prove that you are making efforts to show more love and willing to do more

He wants to date someone else, what makes you think his heart has been with you from onset

Pls let him go on to wherever his heart is while you pick up the debris he left with you and gather them together for another man that will value you

If you don't advice yourself, he will come again, this time around to scatter the remaining damaged heart

Kolawole2130:
We have been married for 3 years now. We stay in a self contained apartment. He tries as much as possible to pay his bills while I support him too with paying the bills.

Since we married, anytime I talk about childbearing he gets angry. Like he may not talk to me for days. I will be the one to come and beg him later. He says his not ready to start bearing kids that he wants to have enough money to take care of the kids. He says he doesnt want his children to suffer.

I am so pissed off, I am 32 now and he is 35 and he earns 100k while I earn 70k. Is that not enough to raise a family. Plus age is not on my side he doesnt look like he will be ready in a year time again. Am already getting tired and people around me are getting married. No body can even talk to him. His mind is made up already.

The last fight we had he said i can go and divorce him if i cannot wait till he is ready. He is busy reading for professional exam instead of him to be thinking of how to produce seed. Professional exam that will last another 2 years. His family can't even talk to him. Am just frustrated already.

You know his character before getting married to him so what he is doing is not new to you and his family

My question now is, do you need his consent to get pregnant or he monitors your ovulation cycle

dichvu:
Please i need advise

I have been dating my girlfriend for some years now. She became an orphan recently, so I decided to open a shop for her so she can start earning something for her not to turn herself into something else since no family support.

Though she also invested all her savings into the business and I supported her also with the little i can. I thank God her business has been doing well and developing gradually.

But her behaviour has really changed seriously towards me. She hardly dail my number to check on me, she also goes out with any guy or men, she also password her phone, i cant even touch her phone, she will flare up. She will say it's nothing that she is just catching fun. I do overlook all this just to make peace rain.

Something happened yesterday that make me feel so bad. I told her I'm coming to visit her in her shop that if any food seller pass her shop, she should help me order food. So when I reached her side she told me to bring money that she can't use her money to buy food for me. I felt somehow inside with her response. I had to give her the money to get it because hunger dey wire me seriously.

So after I'm done eating, I was gisting with her but she is not responding, she was pressing phone, then a call entered and he told the man she is in her shop, that the man should stay at the junction that she is coming to meet him, she stood up and told me to be looking after her shop till she comes back. I was really dumbfounded and shocked, I coundn't utter any word as i don't want to talk or do anything silly as people are plenty around her shop. She left me there, I stood up also and left the shop. I really felt bad and sad. This is a person i have really tried my best for since she lost her parents. I'm planning to send her packing from the shop first, but my bro said i shouldnt try it that it's childish for me. He said I should chill for now. please I need your advice on how to go about this.

NOTE; I rent the shop for my MUM just to use it as her second shop to store her goods. Though the shop is too big, so i told her to let us split it into two, my gf can use the other half.

Simply advise her to start looking for shop as mum wants to make use of that space, even if she sees any and says she doesn't have money to pay, assist her to pay the rent but that will be the final gift for her from you

If at this infant stage she doesn't respect you, at what stage will she value you

After she packs out, start widrawing gradually and end it there

If she finds out that you are no longer what you are to her and she calls you to find out why, just tell her nothing that you are OK

No time for nonsense

Unique357:
My wife left me when I lost everything. She took our two children with her and has blocked me everywhere. I couldn't reach her to speak with my children. I have tried reaching her parents to no avail.

But now that things are going well for me, my brother in law lifted me and I am back to business and I have a girlfriend we are getting married next year march by God's grace.

Now my ex is back in the picture making life difficult for my girlfriend. She is blackmailing her and bombarding her with nasty messages to the extend of humiliating her in public, calling her all sorts of names like husband snatcher etc. I am angry with her because she has left me when I needed her the most and this girlfriend stood by me with my poor conditions and now she wants to play victim and putting the blame on my girl.

I want to arrest her and let her rot in jail but on the other side I don't want to do it for the sake of our children who are 10 years and 7 years. I want to deal with her in a calm way because there are children involved . What do you think I should do?

She needs to be reported at the police station and she will write an undertaken that she won't threaten her again

But the main thing is, did you go to her family to inform them that you have ended your marriage with their daughter

Or you neglected that part and opened another marriage

Worst case your conduct your new marriage in a very low key family thing

dboY1123:
I just met this beautiful girl, and I'm already all over her.. She's not in a relationship but definitely guys are disturbing her even her ex's.

I asked her to come over to my place and she did, we went out together and get some stuffs and we head back home(my place). So, I decided to ask her out one on one in my place and she said NO, she's still finding it difficult to go into another relationship.. When she left my place for her house just two byke away, someone stole her phone from her bag(she called me to tell me) the bag was open by the time she got home.

My question now is, should I ever think of getting her a phone? I still don't know my stand in her life, I really love the girl but ain't acting like a simp whatsoever.. But the fact that she lost her phone after leaving my house is what bothers me.

Please what should I do?

Don't be too quick to respond

Give her time to sort her self out from the missing phone

Assuming you are not there, won't she get another phone

Let her be with out a phone for a while and see her reaction

Secondly, you can get her the phone if you are that generous and that won't change her stand on whether to go ahead with the relationship or not
But may be a motivating factor

DannyXpress:
As nairaland's number one simp, i want this type of woman as a wife

Be ready to pay for the sacrifice for having such a supportive wife

Ulunne777:
He should check himself and find out where He Is lacking .Also focus on the kids.Theres a movie called warroom about marital issues which He sould watch.Hygiene too.

It rains everywhere.

You have said it all

donleo92:
am so sorry ma

Thanks

Gracelander:
Good morning everyone, I've been a silent reader on this great forum for a while now and it is safe to assume that I'm now addicted to it. I've seen people table their issues here and get great insight from the brilliant minds here hence the reason I decided to pour out my mind about something that has been bothering me for a while. Please I crave your indulgence to read till the end and advice me accordingly.

Growing up as a teenage girl I was always irritated by guys coming close to me, I just hated boys for no good reason due to this issue I didn't have a boyfriend till I got to the university. I was sitting alone in class one day receiving lectures during my 100 level second semester, I guy sat beside me and tried to start a conversation, he was met with my usual cold shoulder and had to leave after his attempts on getting my number failed. Not up to 5 minutes and another guy took his position and asked me if I understood anything the lecturer was saying, I told him that I understood to a limit and he asked me to put him through. He looked really smart for me to teach him but I still went ahead to explain some things to him to the best of my knowledge, he left few minutes later after collecting my number. He was the first guy I was giving my number in school, somehow I couldn't resist him.

I spent the next few days thinking about this guy, I couldn't get him out of my head and it was a crazy feeling cos no guy ever made me feel that way. I waited endlessly for his call and would get disappointed each time my phone rings and he's not the one. He called me after one week and asked us to meet, I could barely contain my joy and my room mates were asking questions. We met in a park that night, and I found myself so warmed up to him and he kept making me laugh all through. I had my first ever kiss that night and during the kiss I unconsciously took his hands and placed it on my breasts. He asked me out later and I wasted no time in accepting him. I kept smiling sheepishly after I got to the hostel and kept replaying that moment.

This guy swept me off my feet and made me feel things I've never felt in my life, just his voice over the phone sends shivers down my spine, the sound of I love you from him would send tingles in between my legs and I tremble like a leaf in the harmattan season at any of his slightest touch but there was one problem.

He was always seen around campus with an Igbo girl( he's Igbo too while I'm from the middle belt) though he told me the girl is just like a sister to him. I had self esteem issues because this girl was far more beautiful compared to me, she had mad curves compared to me that was almost like a ruler. Their PDA was obvious for all to see though he kept denying her, it hurt me so much each time we have a combine lecture and I see them together while I sit alone, the girl would be all over him, throwing kissing at him at any slight opportunity. I would go back to my hostel and cry my eyes out but his friends which I was close to always assured me that there's nothing between them. I would break up with him many times but would still run back to him. My friend hated him for the pains he caused me and kept telling me that he would never leave an Igbo girl for me but I couldn't still get over him.

He looked like a player, he won't stay up to 10 minutes without a lady calling him, while I hardly hug any guy, girls will hug him with pressing their breasts on his chest. I never felt good enough for him, girls were throwing themselves at him and I was the least beautiful among all the ladies that came around him, I didn't know why he still kept me around. He wasn't rich in fact he was broke but had this strong personality that magnets ladies to him.

During our 200 level he suddenly changed and became more caring towards me and he was less seen with other ladies. He deleted all their numbers and stopped receiving many calls though that Igbo girl would still pop into the picture once in a while. I was curious but he refused to tell me the reason for the sudden change of behaviour, we started going to classes together unlike before that the Igbo girl had exclusive right to him. That period was one of the best in my life and I was glad I didn't give up on him.

It's been four years now, and like every relationship we have had our fair share of issues which always gets resolved immediately. He has improved me in all ramifications both intellectually and other wise and I've grown to be a better person than I was when I met him. I've learnt so much from him that I even call him my professor. We've graduated now but I'm somehow at cross roads because I don't know where we are headed. We have talked about marriage and he said once he get money he would marry me but he's never going to marry broke though for me I don't mind whether he has money or not I just want to be with him.

He's 28 and I'm 25, I'm beginning to get time conscious. He told me that if two years after our graduation and he doesn't get money to settle down he would let me go in order not to waste my time and we graduated some months back. I was upset because I felt he didn't love me enough to the extent of setting a timer. Recently ladies started creeping into his life again, we would go for an event together and ladies would be flirting with him though the does his best to shake them off. I went through his chat and one lady was telling him that he would regret turning down her advances to stay with a local classless girl and he replied by telling her that I'm a wife materia that is meant for keeps which made me a little happy and of course the Igbo won't still let him be. I'm always on my toes trying to keep him away from ladies.

My sisters have a split opinion about him, one of them thinks he definitely dump me and go for an Igbo girl since they hardly marry non Igbo ladies so she keeps saying the relationship is a waste of time while my other sister is of the opinion that I should stay with him because as an Igbo guy he would definitely get rich soon and I would enjoy after all my years of suffering with him. I don't know who gave her the impression that Igbo guys are immune to poverty. I voiced my ethnic concerns to him and he said the only thing that can prevent him from marrying me is if he doesn't get money. I always feel he's to fixated on money because that's all he talks about all the time, I tried to let him know that we can start small but he won't have none of that. He keeps telling me of his lofty plans of making sure I deliver all my babies abroad so they can have a second passport. He even has a list of countries that offer passports to that occasion and he doesn't even have a dime in his account but keeps talking of big big things that are beyond him.

I've been persuading him to get a teaching job but he refused citing that he can't work for 15k like I do, he's into programming and all he does is convert the imaginary dollars he's going to make into naira when he starts working for an oyibo company, he even refused to apply for Nigerian jobs and its not as if any oyibo job is forthcoming. He spends all day applying for jobs while I take care of his data he uses for learning from the teaching job that he despises so much. I went out of my way to connect him to a big school that offered to pay him 25k and he turned it down saying its too small for him that he would only consider 50k job and even at that he would be doing the employer a favour because he's worth more than that. I'm getting fed up with he's attitude, he carries himself like a pro but he's just a learner at the programming he brags about.

I don't even know how he survives because he receives money through my account since he borrowed from loan companies and couldn't pay. I visit him at times and meet take away plates of fried rice and ice creams and sometimes with his kitchen stocked with provisions I know he can't afford but he never tells me where those stuff come from. I feel a lady might be out there bankrolling him.

I'm beginning to get scared and I no longer feel secured in this relationship, I feel he's going to dump me and go for a more classy lady since he attracts them a lot. He keeps complaining that I've added weight and my belly to the extent that we had a serious issue about it. He's lanky and looks quite younger than his age and keeps hammering that I'm beginning to look older than him and he doesn't like it. I had to start jogging every morning till my knees swelled up and the doctors said that the fat I was shedding was accumulating in my knees so I had to stop because I couldn't walk for days. I watch my diet and eat just twice a day even trekking to work sometimes but I won't still get lean. I said I shouldn't worry about my weight anymore that he would take care of it when we get married by fixing a gym in our home but I'm not still assured. I get extremely jealous when I see him with a slim girl.

Please what should I do?? I really love this guy and I'm sure he loves me too but is this relationship worth fighting for? I feel he's plans are too bogus and might take time to achieve, I'm willing to wait but will he still love me by then? Won't he decide to go for a younger Lady when he finally makes it? Please advice me.

I'm sorry for the long story, I've bottled it up for a long time and its been eating me up so I had to pour out my heart here.
I'm also sorry for any typos. Thanks

You know what, that guy is a ladies man and he must always be in the mist of women, either they are the one going after him or he is the one that goes after ladies because he has the attributes of Mr Romantic

His type will keep dreaming big yet he has no penny to execute it, all he is planning and saying to you is for your listening because that's what ladies wants to hear

In the next 7 years, that guy is not ready to settle down because he gets lots of attention from women and he is ever ready, to give the women that comes around him a comfortable moment

I think at the end of this year, you should decide to take a break from the relationship and reflect on yourself, if you will go on or not

There are chances that, he will drop you for a younger girl in future because at his present age, marriage is not in his lexicon and won't be, that's how Casanova's and play boys do their things

As far as this relationship is concerned, he is not loosing anything because he didn't invest in the relationship

You will definitely find another guy if you decides to move on

People like him are kept by women who loves being with a loving and sweet mouthed guy

Fred166:
I married my beautiful wife January this year, I Love my wife so much, I have never cheated on her since we got married. I opened a business for her worth 900k. i've already promised her a car this coming year (well I ride camry muscle and I'm tired of sharing the car with her).

My wife is too lazy, all she cares about is her eye lashes, make-up, nails and watching Zeeworld all day, She goes to her shop 10am and return 3pm, She barely take care of the house. Sometimes the plate I used for breakfast before going to work would still be on the dining table unwashed when I return. Her make-up tools and bag littered everywhere in our sitting room.

We're expecting our 1st child, Now that She's pregnant (4 months) she's worst. Na so so chop chop, I will jokingly say babe Pls don't go out of shape I won't look ur side again, Is like the more I beg, the more she chop chop. ...weird food carvings. Coconut water and bread, shawarma and pepper soup with sugar cane in her hand, I dare not buy it for her otherwise I won't sleep.

I still cook when I'm back from work. Anytime I tried to talk to her, she would say can't I see she's pregnant, she's having waist pain, leg pain, Infact body pains. I wanted to employ a maid she refused, she spoke ill about maids, she said they are husband snatchers e.t.c.

3 days ago, She asked me to renew our dstv sub and I refused. Yesterday I noticed she has done it (first time). I saw her watching Zeeworld, laughing sheepishly and pointing to the TV, I needed to watch man united match so I changed the channel, she dragged the remote control from me and changed it bact to Zeeworld, she said I'm too stingy, I didn't sub for her, I refused to buy her a car.

I don't know what to do. With her lazy attitude I'm scared during delivery she would be saying I can't push o.

Experienced men help a brother.

She looks lazy because you do things for her most times

By the time she puts to bed, you may be the one to nurse the baby while she breast feed the baby and that's all

At times, we use madness to correct nonsense behaviours

Let her keep subscribing until she can no longer do so, you can watch match on your phone subscription

You have to fashion a way to handle her before you finally becomes the house help

Even if you buy the car, you will be the one to service and fuel it

Let her show signs of commitments before you invest or spend more

sulaimon22:
So a friend of mine seek for my advice on whether to leave his 30k teaching job to establish a POS and Recharge card printing Business in a small scale.

He has 500k saved up prior to December and invested 150,000 into crypto currency, now he wants to know if resigning from his teaching job would be a good thing to do as his tired of his current job.

What advice would you give to this person?

He can leave the teaching job to go for other business ventures, at least he has his freedom and can still search for other business to combine with

emexodoms:
Please fam, between a Paramilitary job that pay 125k without any allowance for a start and an FMCG company with 165k + other bonuses and allowance for a start which is better for someone who is planing to leave the country soon(1-2years time)?

Go for paramilitary, it comes with personality besides its a federal Job so you have Job security

Havesomesense:
But having more than one wife is better than having multiple side chicks, in my own opinion.

More than one wife, more family tussles

One wife more side chicks, the man's problem