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Bills sef is just one of it and it's not even the major one in my own opinion ...

How about issues with the father popping up unannounced and him dragging you into their petty quarrels?

How about the emotional baggage she most likely is still carrying on account of being abandoned?

How about being seen as less of a priority and always made to come second to the child and the baby daddy, even when you're the one carrying the responsibility?

How about the stress of trying to win over a child who prolly hates you and sees you as the reason why mum and dad aren't together?

Omorrrr ...
Leave am...
Their matter plenty...

I can't advice any single guy to marry a single mother... Even single father's sef has got to be careful with those lots ...

Oga leave relationship first and focus on yourself, cause your entire write up is prove that you're WEAK and have SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES ....

A girl has cheated on you SEVERALLY, no be say person tell you, but you use your two eye take see am...

And rather than kick her out of your life IMMEDIATELY, you're here asking st.upid questions ...

You want to fight to keep someone who has cheated on you SEVERALLY, like how does it sound in your ears?!!! ...

And even though she didn't cheat on you, the fact that she can't make up her own mind should be a sign that you should walk away, but nooooooo...

Your low self-esteem issues just can't help it, can it? ...

Lemme ask you a question sir...
Let's say you eventually convince her "dubious pastor" and you guys get married, whose words do you think she will listen to when there's marital issues? Your's? Her mum's? Her pastors?

So like this now when wuna marry, one pastor and mama go Chuck mouth dey run your wife and your home and you will be there still calling yourself "man of the house", tweeeeeeehhhhh, your kind disgusts me ...

My advice?
Please go ahead sir ...
Fight for her sir ...

The way to go about it?
Lalami3232 has said it all ...

Dayaa:
What caused the breakup?
Something must have happened to make him change his mind.

I think so too ....
But trust women to either hide the truth or twist the narrative to their favor ...

@ Abaniwealth

"When an average or below average female has nothing coherent to say, they usually result to insults, shaming and emotional blackmail" ---- FAVFABLES

I don't engage with these kind of females, sorry ...
Maybe when you grow a little more, we'll have a conversation ...

Until then...
Have a nice day ...

How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...

Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..

On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...

Let's look at your write up ...

I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...

The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...

So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...

Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...

I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...

And that too will affect your kids ...

It's simple na....

It's because the girl in question is VALUELESS ...

Lemme paint y'all a picture...
The girl plays hard to get for a while...

The guy kept pushing and pushing thinking that if she is acting this way, then it must be because she has value...

And then they now have s.ex and after the s.ex he's like "so this is it"? ...

So he's greatly disappointed and all...
She was not what he expected and so he ask himself "why keep her?" ...

So ladies....
Understand that..
Playing hard to get doesn't make you appear more valuable in a man's eyes ...

If you're tra.sh, you're tra.sh ...
Work on yourself and watch men die to keep you even after they've gotten in-between your legs ...

Show them that va.gina is not all there is to you...

Show them that you're the real deal whether in bed or out of bed...

Show them that you're worth keeping...

Rozross:
Stay off aggressive men, you'll notice them by the way they react to provocations, never date or marry such men. Don't be deceived by the "i've never hit any woman in my life" lyrics from them, its just deceit. I cant imagine any man hitting me not to talk of the one i loved and got married to, i cant really imagine such nonsense. And to those men thinking its right to hit a woman on some occasions, its stupidity to do that. Even if a woman hits you, the best thing to do is to walk away and end the relationship/marriage to avoid living a toxic life .

You were making sense until the bolded ...

NO ONE, male or female should hit anyone all because of a misunderstanding that could be resolved by having a mature conversation ...

So rather than tell men to "walk away" why not advice women to keep their hands to themselves? ...

The same way you think it is stupidity for a man to hit a woman is the same way it should be considered as fo.olishness for a woman to raise her hands on a man ....

I mean...
Why would you even raise your hand on a person you know can m.ess you up real bad if he/she retaliates? Isn't that stup.idity of the highest order?

Or you think being a female gives you monopoly of laying your hands on another person without consequences? LMAO ...

I don't believe in beating up a woman (I never have and sincerely I hope I never have to), however I'm a VERY STRONG BELIEVER of self defense...

So if anyone, male or female physically assaults me, I will defend myself and in the process, I'll let him or her know that all is fair in love and war ...

And also...
Women have been known to orchestrate issues and then turn out to play victim ...

I'll reserve my comment on the matter until I hear the man's side of the story ...

Don't bother asking cause you won't get an answer, not here anyways ...

But my advice for all men in this wahala is simple...

If your wife doesn't give a TANGIBLE reason as to why she doesn't want to have s.ex or she doesn't want to "talk about it" even after you've made the move to resolving things... Please go outside and relive yourself if you have to...

You have absolutely no reason to stay faithful to a woman who denies you s.ex without ANY TANGIBLE REASON for a long period of time ...

Advice them all you want OP, they won't listen! ...

See eh ...
I've come to realize that only time and bad experience can make a woman have sense ...

And don't be surprised if they come here to bash you and call you all sorta names ...

Watch how women will avoid this thread like they avoid being held accountable ....

Very nice piece OP....
Beautifully written!!!

But sadly, they won't listen ...
It's after they have started getting bad that they'll have sense ...

I wish the older ladies will come out en mass and teach these younglings, but like they say misery loves company ...

The oldies are praying that the younglings make the same mistakes that they did and end up where they are so they can have someone to cry and curse men with ...

[quote author=placeofallure post=117678956]That's not so. Some people are just unlucky in life.

I have two ladies like that. I can call them colleagues or friends. One is in her 40s, the other in her late 30s. Both of them are good people, especially the younger one, she is nice, super intelligent and beautiful, above average in looks yet
no suitor. What do we call that? [quote]And for this ladies you spoke about...
Can you confidently say that NO MAN approached them in their 20's? ...

If men did approach them when they were younger, then their being unmarried till now is THEIR FAULT...

The issue with y'all ladies is that you think a certain prince charming is riding on a horse and is headed towards your direction ...

You believe that a man that loves you will stand under rain in front of your house with a flower and sing your favorite song to you ...

Y'all have watched too many telemundo, zee world and other romance movie that you now believe that it's a reality ...

Until time flies by and then your eyes now open and you see that it's too late to retrace your steps ...

You realize that you're 30+ and men are no more chasing you as much as they were initially...

Then suddenly the men you turned down in your prime for one reason or the other suddenly becomes your spec...

But by that time, you will be too inconsequential to catch their eyes...

And the same standards that were through the roof in your 20's will come crashing like a park of cards in your mid 30's...

placeofallure:
You don't understand OP's point when she said ... somebody you feel next to nothing for... You didn't understand probably because you are a man. If a woman feels nothing for you, even sighting you alone can cause convulsion or vomiting. Very irritable! Men can sleep with anything and anyone, dunno how they possibly do that but women cannot. How do you now go into marriage, a lifetime thing, with such? Is that not suicide mission? Cheating on him will not even solve the problem!

Sweetheart...
You're the one who didn't understand my own point...

All I'm saying is simple...
If a woman stays unmarried till she's a certain age, then it's because of the series of choices she made over time, simple!!

OP was there blaming "life" for 30+ ladies not being unmarried and I was trying to correct that impression ....

She used herself as a case study...
She said she has turned down proposals...
That means men have been coming around, but she CHOOSE to turn them down...

Why she is turning them down is not the point, the point is SHE MADE A DECISION TO TURN THEM DOWN...

So if she is unmarried by 30, she only have herself to blame for the choices that SHE made...

That's my point....

And on the subject of feelings...
My dear....
Feelings change with circumstances...

You can "feel something" for someone one moment and feel nothing for them the next moment... This is why break up happens...

Because people are entering relationship on the strength of feelings and when the feelings dies off, the relationship follows suit...

What y'all ladies don't understand is that what sustains marriage (or relationship in general) is not feelings but commitment, loyalty, understanding, endurance etc...

Our parents in times past, most times never saw their would to be spouse before marriage...

Their parents would fix the marriage and they would work it out....

And yet even without knowing each other...
Even without having "feelings" for each other...
They had a long lasting and happy marriage...

Shouldn't that tell you that feelings are irrelevant as regards sustaining relationships and marriages??

Lemme recommend you a book...
Go on AMAZON and search for the CLUE OF MARRIAGE, then see what actually makes relationship and marriages work...

And ofcourse that true love aka missing rib na Naija babe ...

The next headline you will see is...

Man finds TRUE LOVE after winning 38million naira


You just watch and see ...

Either ways Sha...
I'm very happy for him...

The woman ofcourse...
The man should assist from time to time sha and in cases where his wife can't genuinely meet up with the cooking...

But e get how that woman go press the husband m.umu button, Oga no go mind cook 4days in a week o ...

ceejayluv:
Funny enough, everyone there can be charged for assault. Except the woman.

Leave them...
Those guys are truly ignorant...

They'll be shocked when the woman press charges against all the men there, saying she and her man were attacked by armed men ....

Please go ahead sir ...
You're on the right track sir ...
And I assure you that the same true love you feel for her is what she feels for you ...

Infact sef...
I believe she feels an even truer love for you, but you know how women are na, they always wait for the man to make the first move ...

So lemme advice you sir...
Please make the move...
Don't allow this true love pass you by ...
It's very rare to find love as sincere and as pure as this...
I strongly advice you make a move sir ...

Do y'all still date broke girls these days? ...
Abi you just na.ck and pass? ...

@OP
Abeg o...
I'm not ready to turn into a deliverer ...
Cause the last time I checked, my name wasn't moses ...

Lemme face my family matter squarely...
That money wey I suppose use deliver a broke girls family, make I use am update my mama life first ...

Medianna:
So before the relationship you mean to say the lady was not taking caring herself right?

Awesome question here...
If she can take care of herself before the relationship, then she should be able to take care of herself DURING the relationship too! And not turn someone's son into an ATM ...

And let's be real here...
The major reason why most women go into a relationship is MONEY and the major reason why most men go into a relationship is S.EX...

So if the woman is getting what she wants (a man to spend on her), why can't the man also get what he wants too?

Seeing that a relationship is supposed to be "mutual" and not parasitic, will it be fair if only one party is benefiting from the relationship and the other isn't? ...

Virginprincess is there saying "money is very important in a relationship" and by money, she means a man's money...

Because in well over 95% of relationships, it's the man who is doing the spending and not the woman...

And what's worse is that, the man isn't getting ANY VALUE that is commensurate with what he's spending...

And by value here, I mean, Respect, support, acceptance, great advice, loyalty etc..

But rather, what he gets is headaches, billing, unnecessary drama and childish behavior ...

So in summary...
If you expect a man to spend on you (and he has been doing so), then you should also be willing to grace his bed just as often...

And let's do a quick reversal here...
If you grace a man's bed as frequently as he wants...

If you respect him and you're loyal to him...

If you're giving him what he wants and you're meeting his needs...

And he doesn't take care of you...

He doesn't spend on you or meet your own needs, will you still be in that relationship?

I guess not ...

So why then will you expect a man to just be in a se.xless relationship with a woman who doesn't meet his own needs when he meets hers!!!!

So if the woman is not a virgin...
If the woman makes incessant demands...
If the woman doesn't reciprocate value...

NO MAN SHOULD BE IN A SE.XLESS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER ...

obembet:
I believe those who wait till there weeding night have better home. Sex before marriage or during wil always end in separation. Most men abandoned thier relationship whenever they get what they want from lady

MEN (well over 95%) DON'T LEAVE GOOD WOMEN AFTER HAVING SEX WITH HER....facts!!

So if men are leaving you after having sex with you, then know that you have nothing tangible to offer and thus you're not worth it at allllll ...

A woman cannot be submissive...
Respectful...
Honest...
Loyal...
Not a wh.ore...
Supportive...
Give great advice...

And then a man leaves her because he has slept with her, nahhhh....

But if na only billing vibes you dey give...
If you're a liability to him ...
Then you're not worth it....
No one wants to keep a liability long term...

Everytime...
"Gimme gimme gimme gimme"
And you expect a man to keep you? LMAO ...
Oga will just use you for recreational purpose only ...

Listen to me...
If a man cannot look at his life after a year or two of being with you and see any noticeable positive difference, madam, he will eventually leave you ...

So please advice those women who men are leaving after having sex with them to check their lives and start offering something valuable, because se.x is too cheap to keep any man worth his salt ...

tollyboy5:
I get the message. Her delivery Is not just poor but a source of how and what she believe in.

Marriage of her time is different from now, that's what many mothers couldn't see from far.

That is why we have many ladies thinking their wellbeing is the responsibility of a man. They didn't wake up one day and start thinking that way, it's how we were trained and what we were made to believe.

We're saying the same thing sir...
If you go back to my write up you'll see where I said "her delivery was poor, prolly due to her level of education and experience"...

She gave her daughter the "best" advice on the strength of her experience ie what she has learnt throughout life...

You can't give what you don't have sir...
If that woman knew better, she would advice better, but she doesn't, so can we blame her?

Shouldn't a parent be allowed to advice her daughter the best they can? Should we fault a parent for advising their child as best they can?

And besides, you're saying marriages then are a lot different as compared to now, which I totally agree...

But you'll agree with me that marriages of those days lasted longer and were a whole lot happier than marriages of now...

And we can trace the success of past marriage then to one word DECENCY (in character, in appearance, in attitude and mannerism)...

which is something that modern women are solely lacking (you're a smart man, ponder a little while on this and you'll see what I mean)...

So on the strength that, can we fault the woman for wanting her daughter to be DECENT (in appearance atleast), knowing fully well that, that could be the deciding factor as to the quality of men that will approach her?

In cases such as this (parent child relationship), let's us pay more attention to the intent behind an advice rather than to the delivery of it...

Have a nice day ahead sir...

tollyboy5:
The mentality that nude should be protected not because it's right to do that but because they're expecting someone son to come pay for her body.

The mentality is sickening! So if a lady body needs to be covered because a man will pay for it, now a lady who is not going to get married is free to open her body as she wishes?

This is a very wrong way of teaching morals, that's why we keep having broke women everywhere waiting to be paid daily revenue by husbands.

You're very right chief...
However, you can't tell me that you didn't understand the message that old woman was trying to pass when she said "someone will pay for it" ...

Her delivery may have been poor, prolly due to her level of education and experience etc, but her message couldn't have been any clearer ...

You're very correct chief...
Weddings are expensive and marriages are da.mn costly...

And so if you must go down this road, you MUST do so with someone who is more than willing to carry the cost with you ...

Asides that, you're better off being single ...

Realmi:
1. please note, ABORTION is not the only sin or medical procedure that has a consequence

U are not considering unprotected sex, that means u will still have sex with her, but with protection...so tell me,, why would u want to have sex atall with a girl that has done ABORTION

So she is good to sleep with but not good to keep

1. You're very correct...
Other medical procedure also have consequences...

But the question here is why should I be advised to be with a girl that has done an abortion which has a possibility of future complications, when I can have other girls without such possible complications?

@bolded...
When it comes to men and se.x, EVERY GIRL is good enough to sleep with, but not every girl is worth keeping ...

As "somehow-ish" as it sounds, it's the truth...

Se.x requires absolutely NO COMMITMENT, but keeping a girl long term requires a lot of commitment...

So if I'm going to be committed to a girl ie spending my time and resources on her long term, I've got to make sure that, that girl is da.mn well near perfect ....

In summary, the fact that she is nackable doesn't automatically mean she is worth keeping ...

Girls should know this and know peace ...

Just as ladies have a "friendzone", guys too have a "se.x zone" ...

Just as no matter what a guy who is in the friend zone does, she can NEVER consider him for anything serious (asides billing and free attention ofcourse )...

A girl in the se.x zone can NEVER be considered for anything serious other than se.x ofcourse ...

OsilaGama:
Thanks bro Tho we just started dating and I haven't even started considering marriage, I just dropped the topic so as to know the implications of going an abortion.

OP sir...
The choice is yours...

For me, I can't marry a woman who has done an abortion (unless she hid it from me)...

For others, it's not that big of a deal...

To every man his own....

If this is a deal breaker for you (it definitely is for me), please walk away asap, but if not, you can go ahead...

Enjoy your evening chief...

OP sir @OsilaGama
What advanceDNA said is nothing short of the truth ....

Women know moral standards...
They know the implications of going against it...
And yet, they still CHOOSE to fall short...

And to answer your question...
YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! ABORTION IS A BIIIGGGG RED FLAG!!! And I wouldn't advice anyone to be with a woman who has had an abortion ...

You and I know that...
Actions have consequences...
And there are implications to doing an abortion, so the question I ask is why should I join you in facing the possible consequences of your past stup.idity? ...

And besides...
Those qualities in her that is making you consider marrying her eh, I'm VERY CERTAIN that you can find those same qualities and even more in another lady that hasn't done abortion ...

But las las, the choice is still your own sha ...

OP ma'am @Stargurl20
I believe this is the thread you were referring to...

https://www.nairaland.com/7368480/not-all-30yrs-old-ladies

And in that thread, the OP opined that the reason why lots of women in their late 30's are not married is because...

1. They were not approached by men
2. They tried to build with a man who later abandoned them
3. They focused on their schooling so they could build a successful career
4. They were played by men

And the OP now said and I quote "it is not always their fault" (And obviously, that's a BIG LIE!!) ...

By so doing, the OP was absolving women of responsibilities and not holding them accountable for the series of choices that THEY made which has brought them to where they are now ...

And holding women accountable is exactly what the guys in that thread was trying to do ...

What they were saying in summary was "most women are unmarried because it's THEIR FAULT" simple!!!

I agree that they could've been more diplomatic in their delivery , but still, it doesn't change the fact that what most men said in that thread was nothing but the truth ...

Lemme also use you as a case study too ...

You said "I haven't found someone I feel even the smallest of feelings for.....I've rejected certain proposals..."

If for any reason you get to your 30's and you're still unmarried will it also not be YOUR FAULT? ...

Will you also say it's because "life hasn't smiled at you" or that it's because "life hasn't been fair"? Will you then blame life for your being unmarried? ...

Make the right choice today ma'am, e get why ..

VOsimhen144:
Your daughter looks like a fish. Abi your daughter na fish?

How far you na? ...
What's your wahala? ...
You well so at all? ...

OP...
That's an amazing drawing ...
She has real potentials ...

This is a very awesome write up OP...
There are research online to buttress EVERY SINGLE POINT up there and i wish you dropped a link to them...

However, advice all you want, well over 95% of females here would not take this advice...

Rather they'll try to shame you...
Or try to compare men and women...
Or make sarcastic remarks at you...
Some will even go as far as taking jabs at you and the females in your family...

But like I always say "the passage of time is the best teacher to a woman", allow them continue in their foo.lish.ness, time will surely tell on them ....

I know you opened this thread for cruise and I'm skeptical about commenting ...

But for the sake of those who feel the need to blame their parents (or blame other people) for the outcome of their lives, I'll say a few words...

The truth is that once you're an adult, YOU BECOME RESPONSIBLE AND ACCOUNTABLE FO YOUR LIFE...

It doesn't matter if you feel that your parents didn't send you to a good school or that they didn't take good care of you...

It doesn't matter if you think that your life would've been better if your parents had done XYZ for you...

Once you're an adult, YOUR LIFE BECOMES YOUR RESPONSIBILITY...

So if you turn out bad, it's your fault...
If you turn out good, it's also your fault...

I've seen orphans rise up to the occasion and make something beautiful for themselves...

I've seen disabled people look past their disabilities and are doing quite well for themselves...

So if the above people can take their lives in their own hands and make something good for themselves, then you have absolutely NO EXCUSE as to why your life didn't turn out well...

If you feel your parents didn't train you well, madam/Oga you're no more a child, TRAIN YOURSELF as you see fit...

If you feel that your parents didn't give you a good life, Oga/madam you're not more a child, go out there and work and give yourself the good life...

Your parents have done their best, the rest is solely up to you...

If you like, stay there and feel sorry for yourself and blame your parents for how your life have turned out...

Your parents will soon go to the great beyond and you will be the one to suffer or enjoy your life depending on what you choose to do with it...

The choice is yours ....

Enjoy the rest of your day ...