₦airaland Forum

Explorerx:
Good evening nairalanders, I had a girlfriend who broke up with me last time due to my aggression to her. She completely avoided me since then even blocking me. Recently I messaged her and apologized and told her I will change. Since then she started to pick my call, and I told her to unblock me which she hesitated but later obliged. We have been chatting since then but anytime I want to start bringing old Sweet memories she will suddenly ignore the message. Lastly I sent her a message about wanting to be with her and for her to forget my errors but she ignored that particular message but continued to chat with me.
Is it that she has accepted back or
How will I make her accept me back

I think you have been childish and premature with all you have encountered with her

You need to grow up with a good sense of communication and matured gist

Women don't like men who they have to teach certain things of which they ought to know that already

Legendguy:
Lemme use this opportunity to share my experience expecially now that this chidinma and late afaga saga is circulating the media.
When I was in school, a federal University in the south west I was a friend to a girl, her name is Evelyn but her middle name is chidinma, very pretty and fair Igbo. When you see her, you would be wondering if she's an half caste but her both parents are pure igbos. She came from a broken family as well just as the chidinma saga but the only difference is that she and her other siblings lived with her money while the father was away from them.
During my friendship with her, I noticed lots of things about her. She date numerous guys, even dating international guys, aside local guys. She confound in me alot telling me about men she was hooked up with. There was a day she told to help her look for an hotel for her cos she got a hook up date from Ghana coming to Nigeria, I couldn't do that cos I wasn't around. The guy came from Ghana and he spent some few days before going back. This girl was raking in money because she gets lots of hooks all the time
What I'm trying to bring out here is that a lot of girls in Nigeria are typical example of chidinma in the murder saga.
Parents need to train their daughters with values and decipline. Train them in the way of the lord and train them to be contended with what they have.
It's been 3 years since I graduated from school, we were in same level but different department and she hasn't yet graduated.
Most girls that involved in this always loose academic focus and began to have extra years or have to sort sex for grade to graduate. About majority of girls in higher institutions are typical example of chidinma.
So what's the way forward to contain this menace in our society?

Parents should keep talking and keep counseling their daughters not to depend on men for success and greatness

Girls needs to be checked by parents all the time


Mums should learn to be free and discuss with their children so that they can be free to open up to them

Let her cry to her God who will take vengeance for her, no matter the full story

Igbankpa:
My younger brother is dating a married woman.

I've tried talking him out of that unholy relationship, whenever we have such conversations, he retracts for a while and then goes back to her.

He thinks he is in love, But I keep reminding him that what ever he feels about her is all bolllocks and can put him in harms way.

I sincerely understand why he feels the way he does towards her, considering the love and affection he gets from this woman. No stress, no drama. just attention, care and good sex and she also spoils him with gifts as well. she is a business woman and her husband lives and work in a different continent and only visits once in a while. This days he is barely around, as all they do is go from one hotel to another having fun.

I'm scared for him. The other day at work, I and my colleagues where having a conversation about African traditions and repercussions for cheating in marriage and my boss who happens to be from the same region as the woman was telling us about the punishment for cheating as obtainable in their culture which puts my brother in grave danger.

He is my immediate younger brother and he is closest to me, I'm the only one in the family that knows about this relationship, I'm thinking of informing my mum, maybe that will help in putting a stop to their affair, But that would be a breach of trust. I don't know what to do!

Let me also add that he is just 24 and she is 40

He is just 24yrs and he is already neck deep into a married woman

He is just planning his own failure and am sorry to say that

Just pray for God to arrest him, that's my advice

abidem4real:
Wise saying! Thanks

You are welcome my dear

notok:
Nobody should manage anybody , not an adult for that matter.

You never ready to marry be that

notok:
Yes , by enabling their trashy behavior

Children misbehaves yet mothers accepts them the way they are, so why can't men manage women, after all women manage men too

Whether she is saying the truth or not, she is already in a hot soup and must lick it hot

Oliviajones:
He broke up with me over a month ago. We still talk because I keep trying to convince him why we should get back together but he'd rather we remain friends. I've begged, I've cried, I promised changed attitude.
I get panic attacks at night, I can't cope properly during the day. I had built my life around him.

I can't do the no contact thing because I fear he'd forget about me and move on. Please talk to me. This is the worst I've felt.

The earlier you brace yourself up the best for you

He has already moved in and you are here brooding over some one who is now in another planet

It's time you understand that you don't love with all your heart so that situations like this you will have a spare heart to carry you on

You have to move on but most importantly change your attitude if not you are likely to repeat whatever lead to the break up with another person

You must be prepared to face a breakup if you can't maintain yourself and uphold a relationship

He still likes you but your attitude may have made him take a strong decision

obembet:
Sometimes I wonder if woman have different body that makes some men leave thier beautiful and good wife for another lady outside. The issue of extramarital affair has lead many men into early death and destroyed many homes.

Most of this men promise heaven and Earth before their wife consider them among other suitors but still pay the wife back with one side Chick.

The case of Super TV CEO and Nigerian billionaire Michael Usifo Ataga is a big case study which I keep thinking how can a man be that bless with that kind of beautiful wife and still looking for one small girl outside, the wife is more preetier than the small girl which lead to his death.

Most men abandoned thier home for one girl that doesn't worth thier wife maid.

So this is what I keep asking my self what exactly do men want and is there any way to please them?

What exactly could lead a man into extramarital affairs even though he has a beautiful and good wife?

Lalasticlala
Seun
mynd44

The men that practices such are just being crazy about life fun

The ones that are disciplined and have self control have nothing to do with other women outside except greetings and that's all

Those ones that feels that their wives can no longer somasaults in the beds with back lifting and the rest are the ones the devil are using as lab rat

It's a mans choice to behave or misbehave, he is gambling with his life

Bigshoe2028:
My new girlfriend just three months is too desperate to get admission into university

She love everything about campus life not about the studies , just to have freedom and always gist with her friend

She is 21

Am planning to settled down next year and she is the best candidate so far , she respects me and not too demanding , and don't disturb me too much , am always with her but I can't swear na only me dey oil her engine , but it is always fresh and tight as I left it

I confided in one of my best friend and told him that if she gets admission that I will dump her , am planing to engage her on On October but I have called off everything

My friend said am over reacting and she can enter school and still be like she is now ,

From what I have read in this forum she dey her LovePeddler age and once she enter school she is for the street and with experience it is true to some level

Am I over reacting or should I allow time settle everything

Before u said I don't love her , biko I have collected enough bites from girls even if I dey cum now I dey open my eyes wide open
I love her but my eyes and mind is open

I think she has heard a lot about school life in the university

She wants to experience it
You can suspend everything about engaging her for now and give her time to watch her on how she will behave after getting admitted into school

Or you leave her to find her bearing

abidem4real:
I've been a single and responsible father for some years now and I'm contemplating on getting remarried. The bottom line is, who should I go for between a single mother and a spinster? Advice and without insult please ......

To me, I think you should look for a matured woman to marry

Maturity plays a big role in every thing especially relationships

A single mother would be a better option because she knows what it is to have a child and care for the child

A spinster would be an option if she is willing to help you with the raising of your children, just be sure she will be humble in doing it

Any woman that wants to come into your life must love those children more, than loving you

tnerro1:
My babe and I were watching that Chidinma’s interview where she talked about how she stabbed the 50 year old man to death. After the interview, she turned to me and said “ all men are scum “ me I looked at her and said “ all women are hungry “.

Now she is not talking to me or picking my calls, wetin I do wrong na?

Both of you were careless with your statements
With time you will sort yourself out

BadRadio:
According to the Christian faith, especially in most denominations as we may know, it has been noted that their practice as it regards to the prerequisites of wedding rites and obligations during marital vows connotes lines such as;

"For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part"

Well, my take on this subject is an emphatic [color=darkred]WTF ![/color].

This is the 21st century and the world is a lot smarter than it was some decades ago. As far as I know, that line of marital vow is out of place and should not be included in any vow of any sort.

○People get married and suffer abuses

○People get married and get death threats

○People get married and do not find happiness

○People get married and get nearly bored to death

○People get married and can no longer tolerate their partner

○People get married and suffer a great ordeal and abuse from an inlaw

○People suffer domestic violence.

○People get married and become lonely

The list is endless, so why tell someone "for better or for worse until death?

I believe people should be encouraged to take a walk away from an unhealthy marriage that ain't working....using legal means for divorce.


What do you think fellow NAIRALANDERS??

To me, marriage shouldn't be for better for worst

Marriage should be a union where you find happiness and peace

If you think you are not getting it from your partner,
You walk away for peace to reign

If you discover that your partner doesn't want you to leave, you give him or her conditions

MrOposter:
It's a bit lengthy pls bear with me

I met a lady through 2go in 2014. I asked her out online and she accepted, weeks later, we met one weekend and had sex on the first day! The sex wasn't great, I stopped half way and went to shower. The following day I snooped and discovered that she already have a boyfriend and the guy is in the same school with her. I dissolved everything between us and left for my lodge (I was schooling too but in another school but same state)

She didn't call to apologise and I also locked up. Fast forward 6 month later, she messaged me on Facebook that she was 7 months pregnant. I did my calculations and Instantly knew something was wrong somewhere. I denied being the father, she went on my friend list and dug up my my uncle's profile and chatted him about the pregnancy. My uncle messaged me

Calm me down and request I go see the baby with my parent. We went to her parent house, saw the baby immediately started investigating about dna test. I was humbled by the price of the dna test (200k as at then) because there is no way I was going to raise that kind of money while in school.

Long story short, my parent and I have been taking care of the baby ever since then, I finished school around 2017, travelled out of the country almost immediately after graduation and assumed responsibility on my own.

I came back late 2019, I requested we do a dna test upon my arrival. I went straight up to a known diagnostic center and made enquiries of the price and what to bring before the dna test will be done..

I was told to bring any official means of identification for myself, the birth certificate of the baby and the mother will also have a means of identification too and she will also be present to sign the consent form.

I told her about the requirements and ask her if she had any means of identification herself. She said No! I went back to the diagnostic centre and told them if there is any substitute, they said she can present her NIN slip. I told her immediately to get the NIN slip, days later she told me there were too much people on the queue and that she can't continue to waste her time endlessly. We went back and forth about the NIN slip till the whole of 2020 ended.

The beginning of this year I told her that I'll stop giving her money for the baby's upkeep if she can't provide the NIN slip. With as low as 2500 she can get hers from the local shops.

She called and called for me to send her money for the first 3 months of this year. I didn't budge. I kept to my words. No dna test, no money. School fees time came, she called, I was forced to go back to the diagnostic center this April and pleaded if there is a way we could do the dna test without requesting any form of identification from the mother of the child. They called the head office in lag and told me that we can do the test without the mum's mode of identification. I was elated and called her to bring the baby with her on the 5th of April (Easter Monday) to the my shop, then from there we will go to the diagnostic center. She said OK.

I waited for her to bring the child over, she didn't. She called me 3 days after saying that she went for a church program. I was furious. I told her to show bring the baby the following day (Thursday) she said she will come. Again she refuse to show up. She called 5 days later to tell me that she's sorry. I ended the call and told her that she isn't serious.

She rang me days ago to tell me that the baby is not feeling too well and that she want to see me, she urge me to pls send her something to take the baby to the hospital for treatment.

I'm in a dilemma, I don't know how to go about this. It's obvious that she is deliberately not allowing me to go for the dna test and I don't want to be a deadbeat either.

At this point, it's obvious you are not the father of the child

Put a final stop to all the welfare of the child till she comes out to tell you that, you are not the biological father and put it in writing t by the end sign it and there after, once a while you can just dash her something if you wish

Or she surrender her child with her self for the DNA test

It's time now to know the actual truth

Only a woman knows who's baby she is carrying

BadRadio:


Have u ever thought of it.

U pay a visit and u are being served rice

Rice is the only food that can go round the family and still remains the same the next day
It's easier to prepare with less stress unlike preparing soup and Semo vita

RadioMOUTH:
I have been dating a girl over a year now, she has been so nice to me over this one year, I was in another relationship before I met her... she was so nice to me that I had to dump the other girl which I dated from 2014 till early (2020... about 6 years)

Right now, I don't know what to comment on my relationship anymore.... she helped me stop crack and other hard drugs which I was taking...(I appreciate that from her)


Before I met her she has a 6year old daughter which is now 7... ever since I met her.. I've been doing my best, I Normally spend my money in hotels and clubs but now it ends in the house... I love her daughter like she's mine, and she knows that... I pay her fees..


BUT HERE IS THE PROBLEM



I'm a hot tempered person, words annoy me rather than action... I destroy things when I'm angry... I'm just 27 years old and she's 28... a programmer by profession..m I own a land and a personal car today...


She's respectful and does what a woman will do to satisfy every man, but most times when I'm broke, there's always trouble in the house... and I feel loved when I have money...


I have never hit a woman my whole life till I met her, now I'm used to beating and shouting... now she's even telling me I talk too much when I'm complaining..

This was never my life...


Please I need options..m what do I do, I've just few hours ago hit her, because I saw her texting someone and she rescued to open her phone... causing damage on her left eye .... please what do I do....


I don't want to kill someone because I now feel I'm obsessed about her... I'm confused


Modified:

My old relationship was worst... I found love and care in this lady...

You are the problem and the solution is you

If you are willing to change, drop those dirty habits and learn to control your anger

Learn to trust people until they prove you wrong

Learn to move away when you sense anger and come back when the coast is clear

If at this present age you cannot control your anger

By the time you become a fully married man you will come across things that will turn your entire life down and your ability to control your anger is the key

Raising a family demands lots of tolerance

MNDY:
With the way things are going, that complex nature is getting out of hand. You depress a man because you think you can badmouth very well or kill him because of "leave-am-na-woman."

My neighbour is now almost a single mother with her husband still alive and still married to her. The man has been away for months now leaving her with the kids. She has been calling him and wanting him back. She must have driven him away with her toxicity.

Men too have their own

Ecne:
There is nothing to understand until a man dies, men are complex as well.
If e no work, bounce or choose your battles well.
Lots of women are beginning to pay the price for these actions from so-called feminists.
Most men who would normally look away or swallow the insults are now being forced to respond in equal or more brutal measures, and the trend keeps increasing.

If you think you have time to be dragging trash with women, go ahead

shortgun:
I stay in a compound with 4 tenants.
One of my co-tenant's wife have shown me acts of kindness many times and I want to repay her kindness but I don't know how to go about it without getting her suspicious husband worked up or cause problems in their home.

I am a very busy bachelor, I hardly have time to do most home chores. I go out early and come back late at night.

This lady helps me remove my clothes outside when I spread them, when I bring out trash and keep it outside she helps me to take them out, even when wind blow off my clothes from the line, she will wash and dry them . She's the only one that comes to ring my door bell to notify me whenever power is restored when I am on gen and asleep.

I've been thinking of ways to repay her kindness but the problem is her husband with the little interactions I've had with him is someone that will read meanings to my kindness to them....I once traveled and bought things for them, when I went to give the things I bought for them the husband was not around, I delivered the stuff to the wife at the door and left.

After some days, I was having a conversation with the man and he said " Men should not visit the home of a married woman whenever the husband was not around" I was shocked because what he said had nothing to do with our discussion.
One other time, I and the wife were the only ones left in the compound during the festive period when everyone had traveled, I noticed the wife doesn't sleep in the compound...she comes back every morning. I believe it was the instruction from her husband not to be sleeping in the house and I believe it's because of me. The woman is always in a hurry whenever she returns my clothes or comes to notify me to turn off my gen.

I know they are struggling in these hard times and I have the capacity to help but I don't want the husband to read unnecessary meanings to anything I do for them... He is also a kind of person that will feel I am looking down on him if I render any help.

I don't really blame the man cos he sees how different girls comes to my house and he may think I will have interest in his wife.

I've discussed this with some of my friends, some said I should forget about helping or giving anything to the man or his wife while some think I should go ahead if I want to.
So I want nairalanders to help me decide on what I should do.

All she is doing is to assist you in your absence and there is nothing wrong with that

Her husband may not want to understand in any way that she is just being a neighbor and a brother's keeper

No matter what good you did for her, it will take the grace of God to defend it and fir people to see your reasons

In as much as you appreciate her, just stay away from her

But any day she comes to you for help, especially financial help, assist her and move on

Kelvo145:
What are the criteria’s a young man of 28 years can meet before he can think of marriage

Get a job doing and once you have a steady income, you have passed marriage Jamb

Get a woman who is willing to live you and see you as a friend, if you can achieve this, then yu have passed post UTME

Get married to her and that means getting admitted into the institution called marriage

nowhere:
It is to overlook and do what you can. That should be the understanding.

Something close to that

sweetflame:
Hi guys, so my mom is having real difficulties sleeping and it's really bad now, she so sad about the whole thing and stressed, been to hospitals they recommend lorazepan but it didn't fix it..

Any suggestions here, something she could try, anything at all?

I don't know how to tag mods, please someone could help with that so I get more help and suggestions.

Thanks yall

So far your mom is not sick she will be alright if she calms her nerves down by taking things easy in life
If she is the bread winner, then the stress in her life is too much for her


If you dad is not showing love and respect to her, that alone is enough to scatter her hormones

If she is in her menopausal age all join together to deal with her

All she needs now is peace of mind and she will be fine

Wome are like agric fowl that needs to be be constantly clean and checking on in the poultry if not they will fall suck

SimSify:
So a couple after some years of marriage and expecting a child, decides to adopt a boy child legitimately, and after some years, lets say 2 or 3years they give birth to their own biological boy child. which of the two boys becomes the/your heir?


A. The adopted child
B. The biological child

With reasons please..

That adopted child remains the first born if the family

They don't have to let the rest of the children be aware that he was adopted

Remember they were not having peace and happiness in their marriage until they adopted that child and he brought success for other children to be birthed in the family

So do we throw away the bath water with the baby, simply because the baby was adopted

Assuming that's the only male child of the family and he has sister's, will this question come up

Ginaz:
What did I do? Someone is feeding her child with unhealthy drink not suitable for his age .

You have tried just over look them let them face it when it comes out

blekko101:
Every time I keep wondering if the society is ready for what is coming in a short while. People keep pushing that a man must not hit a woman, no matter what, which is a good thing by the way.

They come all out for you when you do, but smile and make jest when a woman hits or abuse a man in public.

Some will call the man a weakling for not fighting back. The best he will get from some folks is being called a 'real man'.

Real men don't hit women, which isn't a bad phrase. How about 'real women' ever thought of that? He dare not retaliate.

You hear the regular cliché "oga leave am na woman" and women already know this and they are taking full advantage of it.

Women often rain abuses on men in public at the slightest misunderstanding and often take up a notch by charging towards men with the intention of physically abusing them.

They cry fowl and play the victim when the man resist or fight back knowing they will get sympathizers. He will go home traumatized even for days to come.

Even in the so called developed countries for example, a woman's statement is admitted as true until you have a hard evidence to counter it.

Over there lots of men are already scared of getting married because they can lose all they worked for all their life in one twist of event with their wife.

Guess that's what gave rise to the growing trend of baby mama/daddy. Instead of pushing a biased ideology that obviously favours one gender, isn't it better to push a holistic ideology that says no body should hit another cos we are all humans.

We feel hurt the same way irrespective of gender. After all what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Share your experience of abuse and how you handled it

You guys should learn to understand women

They have a complex nature

Only men who care to understand can survive them

Thebest12:
Hello Good morning nairalanders ,
.
Pls I want to know am I about to experience heart break or I should do that now before she does it to me . My girlfriend just posted someone LOML . I just saw that on her stories. I investigated deeply and I found the guy's username . I saw that the guy has been commenting on her posts recently and I wonder why she posted the guy LOML . I tried to ask her but some people adviced me not to and that I should watch from distance. Okay just when I have decided to freestyle the matter , today again she posted same guy again . I am so pained right now , and confused.

Am I about to experience heart break .? Should I kuku end the relationship now ? Pls I need your advice

You have to seat her down with a profe and ask her who the person is

If she says just a friend, ask her how come, just a friend becomes love of her life
.
If she says the guy is her friend or he is crushing on her

Tell her ok and drop the relationship

You have to act fast before she did be the one to tell you that the relationship ended long ago

PENNYSWAP:
Greetings guys ..

I’m in an emotional trauma right now. This girl I have been dating , I want to marry and I have gone to her place and did a few of things my hand could afford traditionally .. I’m hoping to do the rest by Xmas .

She is a new graduate and she told me to open a side business for her to make small small change instead of being idle.

I told her to give me small time to save up money .

There is this guy she always talks about that is a yahoo boy and has plenty money , long story short , she came to my house last weekend , we were discussing, I wanted to use her phone and play 9ja ludo but she insisted on not giving me the phone .. she held the phone , turned her back after pressing it for long she gave it to me .

I angrily seized the phone , told her I bought the phone and sim that I’m seizing it.

We later settle and she slept early hours of the nxt day , I woke up brought her phone and it was on plane mood , I removed it from plane mood and a text msg came in from some guy .

I went to her WhatsApp to check the guy out and behold , she blocked the number on WhatsApp.

I unblocked the number and sent him message first , we started chatting , the guy was saying how he loves her and all that shit and the money he sent her to open up a side business.

I woke her up , confronted her and she said she did it for me since I was wasting time to raise money for her , she had to take it from her class mate , the said yahoo guy .

That she’s sorry not to tell me about it since .

She said I should allow her answer the guys calls so that she can get more money from the guy. I agreed and gave her the go ahead but she promised that she won’t allow any man see her unclothedness aside me her husband to be.

My mind has been heating up , why she lied to me and hid something of this nature to me .

The other mind is telling me to impregnate her then dump her when she’s 6 months pregnant that if I leave her now , the guy might take over and I will be the mugu here .

Guys what do I do , I need to wicked this girl I swear , my mind is boiling

Some one I have done 45% of her dowry is doing this to me . Kai I be mugu Oooooo

I need advise from real niggaz

You don't need to wicked her because karma already knows what to do with her

But I think a lady that has already been proposed and her family had been visited and some commitments have been made by the man, shouldn't be talking about love with another guy.but can still discuss general topics with men if at all thete is need for that

My fear and worries are if you can handle her even in marriage

One of the ways that you need to put your mind at rest is for her to make a call to the said guy in your presence with a speaker, is for her to tell the guy by herself that she is engaged and wants to end any relationship they have

If she does that without hesitation then it's good and if she refuses then you don't even have her in the first place

Just let her go before she birth another man's child for you

ImaIma1:
It's funny how it is single men who just come up with all this nonsense. They don't even know what it means to be joined to someone. They are still thinking in the line of girlfriend.

Most of them will do worse than they say here. They will even lie down and beg. All that pride they carry on their sleeves like a badge will fly out the window when the time comes.

When they are married, they will understand better

Ahmed0336:
If Na naija dog now, e go first run leave the owner. Then, the rattlesnake will now turn into a Python and swallow the owner.

Because e dey eat shit