₦airaland Forum

Mrsabuh1:
Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this

He is just being smart for reasons best known to him

But along the line, its affecting your marriage

The first mistake you made was allowing him to convince you to come home and ha e your kids but I not really blaming you because you lack sine experiences then

This time around, calm down and let his plan hatch, it's either another woman is punning him down or he has a bigger plan

As it is now, pray hard for God to touch him and he moves you guys over there

When you get there, you will understand all the games he has been playing, if its for you guys benefit or for his selfish reasons

Meanwhile, don't stop asking him of money for upkeep and mellow down from questioning his movements

Let his conscience judge him, if he has at all

Be happy and don't allow all this issues weigh you down, he is enjoying himself there that's men for you

You have to relax and enjoy your bonding with your children

With time things will set it

He is just being smart and it will reveal soon

They would have just burnt him alive

UnbiasTruth:
I am sorry this is rather too long but please I need to pour out my mind because I need your mature advice. I have been going through a lot of trauma since my husband stopped working and it is really getting to me because my blood pressure is high.

I love my husband and despite what is happening now, I still love him. I just need advice on how to manage the situation right now.

My husband is a hard-working, loving, caring and gentle man; he showed me true love from the first day I met him. He was very dedicated to his job and he received commendations from his boss and colleagues at work but something just happened that led to his resignation.

A kind of conspiracy against him. He was advised by one of his superiors at work to resign. Now it’s been more than a year that he is out of job. All attempts to get him back into the labour force had been futile because he keeps saying he does not want to settle for less.

He was earning six figure salary while at his former place of work and he has a side business which he still manages till now but the profit is close to nothing and it is not even constant.

Now, the issue I have with him is that my husband gets angry at almost everything. He nags and drinks (not with friends because he is an introvert) excessively, so he is always at home. He keeps on complaining about our house helps even when I investigate and realize that most of his complaints are flimsy. We have changed house helps in this year up to 4 times.

So, in August this year, I decided not to get any maid again since we could not find one whose domestic care service would satisfy my husband.

Mind you, I have been the one practically footing the bill after two months that my husband lost his job because we made a huge investment in acquiring some property shortly before he lost his job. So, I pay house rent, school fees, feed the whole family (we have 3 lovely children) from my salary.

My nature of work rarely gives me time so I can’t afford to take care of the children and do much of the house chores. I explained to my husband to assist since he is always at home but he keeps saying if he had not lost his job, I wouldn’t have asked him to do basic house chores.

I know he was raised with silver spoon so he rarely knows how to do most domestic work. I had been the one doing this before we started having house helps and my job at office got more engaging.

My pastor recently advised that I should consider getting a professional cleaner who will only do some routine cleaning and leave immediately because my husband may not be comfortable with a stranger in the house.

Two days ago, I came across a thread https://www.nairaland.com/5426688/what-cost-getting-regular-home here on Nairaland while searching for a good cleaning service here in Lagos and I decided to pay for the service of a male cleaner.

After discussing with my husband, he shunned the idea and still insists I do it myself. So, he asked me to demand a refund. I need someone to help me do some basic cleaning at home since I can afford to pay for the service, but my husband does not want to accept any stranger in our home.

I have asked my pastor and my mother-in-law to talk to him also but he is still keeping deaf hear.

Is there anyone with a better suggestion before I get fed up?

Calm down my sister before your BP will raise very high

He is just depressed and because you have his time, he is pouring it on you

Just do the little you can and leave the rest

You can't be over burdened and your health will be at the brisk you have done all you could to put him straight but he is not getting it

Just watch out if he starts beating you, find your way

He is not in his right senses and we don't want to hear bad stories

Since the op can't answer simple question, what is the guy's occupation

The reason for his arrest is know to the op and his family

abiodun005ng:
I work in two places, Place A and place B
place A is a private work while place B is a government organization
place A is paying 60k though i just joined the place and promised to increase the pay after 6 months probation while place B pays 31k monthly based on level present level

Aside this two places I also have a computer shop that I run though employed someone there to be managing the place while I take care of things behind the scene if I have the enough capital this place can fetch me multiple folds of what I am paid in place A and place B but no money to run the two together

The problem now is that I am not finding it convenient switching the places at the moment and won't like the two places discover of double salary

Place A is Monday to Saturday work from 7 - 6pm (pay is 60k presently)
While Place B is Three times a week and from 1pm till around 11pm (pay is 31k presently)

Now, which one should I leave for another one.

If I leave place B, I will have enough time for my office but the capital and expense

If I leave place A, I won't have time for my office and a somewhat little increase in capital

Also place B salary would be upgraded with the implementation of the minimum though place A is supposed to increase by December, 2019.

I am damn confused coz I don't want to regret my decision

Whereas I have my office also running

Continue both until minimum wage is fully implemented then you know which to chose from

Also consider job security in Amy one you may want to choose

Benclever1:
Hello everyone.

So I met this girl through a mutual friend and we started bonding. Initially, I didn't take the friendship seriously because this lady is a little older than me and I do not see any future between us.

Now, things got more intense between us. She visited me one time, one thing leading to another, we were in bed, about to have sex and then I pulled out the condom but she refused, insisting that she doesn't enjoy sex with condom. I was very surprised to hear that, so I tried to make her see reasons why the condom is very necessary. She adamantly refused. We ended up not having the sex that day.

Just last week she visited again and we spent the night together. We tried to have sex again but the same issue came up again. She insisted I must not used condom. Now this got me upset. During the conversation that ensued, she made it very clear to me that she does not have any STD/STI so I should not be afraid. She however admitted that she was ovulating and that the chances of getting her pregnant was high, but that I should not worry that she'd take care of herself and the pregnancy, if it happens. She said that she would not force me to get involved with the baby if I don't want. However, she made very clear that she's not ready to get married. This got me confused.

I don't want to let my guards down by indulging in unprotected sex with someone I don't trust. I also do not want to hurt her feelings. So I plan to take her for medical tests next week and then we can kick it off from there.

What's your advise for me.

Thank you.

It's a good idea to take her for medical tests

She wants a child and she may not care if you don't provide for her

I think you need to help her get pregnant but before then, let her open up to you why she desperately needs a child

And what will be the child future is you decided to leave the relationship

As you said she is older than you, maybe she is capable of taking care of b the child with or with out you

There is also another possibility of you getting married to her, you won't be the first

zeenaman:
I will go straight to the point. In the past, I have had a few unpleasant experiences with girls, ranging from cheating to gold digging habit, for that reason, my heart got hardened and I barely treat girls with any seriousness.

Lately I met this lady, she reignited the love in me. I fell in love with her as if she's the first lady I will be meeting in life. I desire to settle down with her. But the challenge I'm having with her is that, she was previously married with two little kids. She lost her husband two years ago.

Please good people, I will like to know the dangers, if any, that come with marrying such ladies. I so love her. I will like to hear from experienced people. Thanks.

Real love is difficult to find and when you are sure you have gotten one, keep it, cherish it and enjoy it

She didn't make herself a widow neither did she wish so

Go behind her and carry out discreet investigations about her previous marriage and if you are OK with your findings, go ahead

Love is a very strong bond that you can't resist neither can you fight it

She desires you too a d among the relationship you have had, no one is as pleasant and complacent like this one

Forget about what people will say, you have to follow your heart and and be at peace with your soul

You may get a lady who is still single but may not get the kind of fulfilled happiness and joy you get from her

Pray to God and your mind will settle happily

Am glad she has kids from her previous marriage, take care of them and gain experience of being a step dad till you have your biological child

Be the father figure of those kids and you will enjoy them as you are the dad they know

But bear in mind, you must not make them feel abaddoned those kids are part of why she is still living happily

But you are the love of her life

I advise you go on and seal it, it's only God that determines good marriage through his blessings

Hmmm what a calamity

Sunisonflex39:
I met this girl two years ago, to cut long story short, she told me that she is in a relationship. I respected the fact that she has a guy and I stopped making advance as a gentleman. But I call as much as possible just to check on her.

Then one night, her boyfriend chatted me up on Whatsapp and as gentlemen, we talked about it like matured people and I told him I am not gonna stick around that he should talk to his girlfriend.

I asked how he got my number, he said he secretly took it from her phone because of the many calls and most times I call, both of them are together.

I asked him what has the girl been telling him about me, he told me she is saying we are just friends and nothing much.

II apologized to him and said I will watch my limits that he should talk to the girl himself about it.

Two days passed, I have stopped calling the girl like I used to, then on the third day she called and asked me why did I change all of a sudden that I no longer chat her up or call like I used to, she was being emotional, and as a good friend, I love her and wouldn't want to see her sad.

I opened up to her about what transpired between me and her guy and I begged her not to confront him. She was so mad at the guy for chatting me up after she has told him many times that I am "just a friend".

I told the girl that for the sake of her relationship, I don't want to stick around and I don't want to be the guy that breaks people's relationships.

The girl started crying and said I should not leave her, that I should at least be her best friend that she can't loss me..

I agreed to be the bestfriend so as to make her feel happy..

Fast forward to this week, the girl said she loves me so much and didn't know how to tell me before and she is kind of confused to chose between her guy and me. I told her that I love her too but she should not leave anybody for me that we should just continue being friends and see what the future holds because no one knows tomorrow.

Few days ago, the girl said she wants to have sex with me.. and even going as far as telling me the style she wants..

I respect the fact that she is in a relationship and I even told her about it, but she was having non of it.

Please nairalanders, what should I do.

She is bold and open and that makes you to understand her

She has a guy she is dating quite alright but her mind is with you

You have enough time and attention for her which the other guy doesn't have for her

Women knows what the want from men

That's why if they are not getting it they look for it wherever it is

You guys have been exchanging chats and gist, even up to romantic gist, so it's time to go to the field

If she really wants sex from you as she demands, give it to her in a way she won't forget, dont be supprise if she port's to you

Don't see her as a loose girl, others may condemn her, but for me she is lacking something that only you can deliver

Unless she leaves you for another guy then I will consider her a rottweiler

But for now, pls go to the gallery, women are getting bold and free to express themselves this days

And they do that to only guys they have feelings for

As for the other guy, when next he calls to caution you, tell him to put a ring on her or he should pin her down so that others won't see her

Bluebarbie10:
Hello nairalanders pls I need ur opinion on this. I started dating this guy I met last 2months. He is really charming, tall, dark and average looking. I wasn't attracted to him at first but when we got familiar with each other, my attraction for him started to grow.

I realized I fell hard for this guy because when he relocated because of his job, I missed him so much and couldn't do a day without thinking of him. We always talked on phone but before he left, he did sth. While we where walking to my place one night, he started initiating the touching tingy. What I felt was so undescribable. He rubbed my upper arm to my wrist and pressed my middle palm and since then I started liking him more.

My point simply is not knowing whether I am being charmed.

We met last month and i was so excited to see him in town so he took me out on a date.

In our discussion I was talking about my annoying boss at work. I don't know if he got pissed because he just got up and left. He stopped picking my calls or answering my messages.

Please I don't know what to do because I've not been myself.

My dear, just calm down you will be fine

He did not charm you, your heart seeks for love and got what you desired

Then your inner heart blended and that's it

If he stopped picking your calls, it depends on the nature of the story you told him

So he is reacting to it and just ask him why the sudden drop in communication, its eith he tells you that he is busy or he hardly have time

If he does so, just consider the relationship closed and mourn it

Men don't normally feel the way women feel because women attach emotions to everything they do and men don't have that kind of emotion women have

They can make love to you in the morning and make love to another in the evening with nothing attached to it

So dear, gather your self and move on, there are other guys waiting for you attention

Any guy who loves you won't put you in the position to lose you

Na their way be that

Bonatheripper:
Try harder...

All of them are actually ugly.

Oh I forgot, it's art

You can never appreciate something and you have nothing to offer

openmine:

He was just being sarcastic!

Lol

SultanOfAbia:
Those that Die via crashes of car,planes do not experience the PAIN of the impact of the accidents.
Their Soul is removed from their body on impact so fast to prevent them suffering.
Irony is that Anybody that dies from impact of car or plane crashes had a smooth death. The mili second before impact the soul will eject the body.
Some that survived ghastly accidents give reports of how they blacked out unconsciously before impact even occurred.
God is Great!!!

Which ever ways among the ones you mentioned, the shock of seeing death coming and the pains of the impact is painful

truthsayer009:
Hahahaha i owe you 25k for this comment.

Please whenever you see me, just come & collect your money

Lol

The custom officer knows tgat accepting such money under the leadership of the current CGC Mr Ali is like one buying trouble for himself

Besides, he is nit the only one to take such money, it has to be shared and the sharing formula will cause wahala since there is no seniority in illegality

So exposing it is the best option to gain respect

Smalldick123:
I LOVE THIS!.
if only we will record more deaths of their loved one nigeria shall be great again

Your brain is as small as your moniker said

Stop wishing people evil it will definitely come to you

You guys don't know that the kogi king is the bone behind hus strength in jazz

genq:
The nerve of you to ask such a stupid question!

Who doesn't know that the livelihood of 90% of Nigerian women is tied to a man in one way or the other.

Women = entitled, lazy pigs with nothing to offer than a rotten BOREHOLE in btw their legs.

You are so uncort and noisy

Tame your speech and ways of reasoning

pryme:
Actually men bring nothing to the relationship, its the women that take care of them.
The woman gives him money to look good, buy things to make his life more comfortable, even in some cases when they get married, the woman buys a new car for the man.

In fact men are just a liability, they bring nothing to the relationship, they only look out for rich women (not broke asses) that will be able to take care of them.

If you grow with this mentality and mind set

You will be a puppet

Newguyhere:
this shouldn't even be a question when we all know that men are the biggest loosers in a relationship
Especially the white knights and beta simps

Not true, men are not the biggest loser

Men innitiates relationships but the affairs are basically for women to handle

That men takes things easy more than women doesn't mean they are losers

They don't have the natural strength like women to nagg or argue or even fight

So most time's, they behave themselves by allow women to have their way and it looks like the men are losers

The men wins when they behave the way I just explained that's why you see them still having side chicks and still behave as if nothing happens just because they want to avoid rancour with their spouses

The men really knows what they are doing, they don't make noise but their silent game is going on

SultanOfAbia:
Baptism is a man made concept
To Think God will not allow you enter Heaven because you are not baptized, is indirectly an INSULT To God.
An omnipotent all knowing all loving God.
So those kids that live in incubators, then die after 1 week will not go to Heaven because they did not do "baptism"

Who deprived you of your drugs or did you miss place it ❓

Be it keke or uber pls drive it yourself if you don't want to hear stories

What am insult, that woman must be very tough for the entire village to be quite and afraid of her

Don't be surprise she will die and no one will see her corpse talk less of displaying it the way they did for this family

Let the dead fight for themselves

Even police self are scared

This one weak me ohh

Pussywar:
So why is it wrong Y'all are crazy. Smh

you didn't even read the op comment before attacking my comment, I support the idea and the op is saying what's the big deal and I said let your brother do same and you will see the big deal

Always take time to read and understand properly if you weren't taught so

Don't be supprise her father is the owner of the goods the man is importing to Nigere and may end up making him the owner of the company one day

When it comes to investment, an igbo man doesn't invest in carelessly

Gooduck to them

Things will keep happening, the way we take things and the way we value things is what makes us happier

If a Nigerian man should do this, his family will read his history to the ancestors tell him about man made culture that they have tied themselves to

As for the white man, the woman and eve of thing about her is what he desires including her surname

Well we have no option than to support him and let them live happily

cococandy:
He’s not the first nor will he be the last

Why is it news?

Encourage your brothers to do same if you know that it's not a big deal

Samfloxin:
From every indication,this man likes women

Yes he likes women and he prefer them in yellow colours

Holyfield1:
Where is Regina

She has to go on break for others to flex with him

OMOTOWO:
Good afternoon Nairalanders,


I got a quit notice in September (my rent expired 31-10-2019) and I am supposed to vacate the room and palour self contain by march 2019.

Today, my landlord called me and said why have I not come to make enquiry as to why I got the letter.

I told him I know the letter was from a genuine lawyer and I decided not bother in asking him why because I know why .

The reason is not far-fetched from the fact that I quarreled with him twice because of disconnected electricity supply for four days when I was not owing him. I actually fought with him for good two days. I dared him and his generation not to fix the light until I come back from office. The first I did, he didn't reconnect the light but he reconnected the second time .

The light was disconnected because some tenants who occupied other SCs didn't pay theirs. I actually told him to pay and disconnect others who have not paid because I am tired of this kind of monthly occurrence. Somebody like me pay very early. Then, he should have a way as a landlord of getting his money when he pays for everybody instead of every month disconnection.

To cut the story short, he said he has my type as son and there is no way such disagreement will not come to play. He said he didn't actually mean it that he was only threatening me. He said he asked for the letter to be written to me by his lawyer and then he has the right to withdraw the letter too. (I think he needs money and the man is thinking March ending is too long to get another rent for the SC)

He asked me when I am paying the rent. The rent is actually #140k but I told him I will try and credit him #100,000 first. When he dropped the call, I called my wife and explained what happened to her. She let me realize the man is trying to get the six month rent for the quit notice period of six months he gave us. She said we should not play into his hands. I actually remebered the man told me on phone that if I don't have the whole #140k now, I can pay half which is #70,000. This is where I discovered what my wife said might be true .

We are actually trying to leave the house before or by March ending as the notice read before this call.

I hope this man is not trying to play smart though I know we are to pay for the six months of the notice but I don't plan to give him until I am ready to pack.

Should I involve his lawyer because his contacts are written in the letter he gave me ?

Is my landlord real ? Is he trying to play smart to get money for the notice period early? Should I credit him the #100,000? What if he returns #30,000 and claim I only pay for the notice and he keeps dragging issue with me that the notice still hold? I can't afford to loose my #70,000 just like that because the money is for the new accommodation I am looking forward to get? Can I ask him to withdraw the letter first (may be in his wife and my wife presence )?

Lest I forget, my landlord extorts a lot. That's his hobby.

If you have made up your mind to pack out, don't pay him keep telling him you are sourcing for the money, then seal your plan and pcsl out to his surprise

People like that needs Suprise acts since he is gullible with money

Even the surname "ajoihe" has a ver bad meaning just like the evil the woman committed

Madness of the highest order

blesskewe:
Bros I don't believe in that
If I steal and possible cheat on u then blame in it on a spirit??

Does it make sense


Devil go day e own, we go day blame am for things we're we do

They use that means to make her to misbehave so that the guy can hate her and leave her for them