₦airaland Forum

Aduke23:
I shouldn't say this but my dad doesn't care. He doesn't give a hoot about us. My mum, despite the little she has, she shoulders 99% of the responsibility at home. This is not something told by my mum, but something we the children witness with our own eyes. In the course of fulfilling this responsibility, it has drained her shop.
My dad, at times when he has money he hides it in hidden parts of his wallets which my mum sees ( although she doesn't take form the money).
My dad just doesn't give a hoot. Whenever we're sick, my dad doesn't even ask how we're feeling let alone taking care of us, and when he's sick, he acts like baby wanting attention which we reluctantly give for the sake of God coz in all sincerity, he doesn't deserve it.
Whenever I'm at sch, I can call my dad for weeks and he would be comfortable not picking, ignoring my calls. He has never for once call me to check up on me at sch except once in a while when he has something to ask.
I'm fed up of his nonchalant ways.
So, him and my mum had little argue today, and he decided to leave home, because my mum rented our apartment ( a room self) my mum has been pushed to wall and she had to just speak her mind today, and he decided to leave.
I didn't make any attempt to stop him because I'm pained.
Everyone, have I done something wrong by not stopping him?

I don't see any fault in you, over his exit

Let him go since he finds a better place for himself

I salute your mums courage in every thing she is doing to cover up his own lapses

He will come back with shame when he sees that no woman will tolerate him with his nonchalant attitude and stingy attitude

He is not making any impact of himself on his family
At old age he will get the exact the rewards of what he is planting now

Realistt:
I've been married for almost 2 years but I haven't really enjoyed my marriage due to excessive in-law interference in our marriage from my wife siblings and her parents. I blamed my wife for what is happening coz she's fond of telling them everything that is going on in our home. One day, I confronted my wife and she said if she doesn't discuss her marriage ups & down with her siblings and parents, who else will she discuss with? Instead of her parents to stay neutral or try to settle our differences as new couples, they rather believe everything she said which gives my wife effrontery to go against me. On the other hand, my own family are after our well being, they always stay neutral on any issue that concern us. My wife parents are terribly bad people due to their negative influence on my wife which is negatively impacting our marriage. Her parents constantly put her under pressure by comparing our marriage to others and by asking her how regular I credit her account even though they are poor. I recently saw a whatsapp chat on my wife's phone where her mother told her to keep denying me sex if I do not meet up with all her financial needs. My wife is jobless for now and all the financial burden lies on my shoulder yet, my wife's mother and father keeps doing everything to cause disunity in our marriage. I already know her parents do not like me and I also DO NOT WANT OR LIKE THEM either coz they have caused MORE DAMAGE THAN REPAIR IN OUR MARRIAGE. Since I noticed that her parents are INGRATE and only care about the MONEY they can get from me, I stopped calling them and stopped sending money to them except if I pay them a rare visit. Dear nairalanders, am I right to completely ignore my wife's parents and siblings like they do not exist and request for a temporal separation from my wife coz I am getting tired already? Plz advice on what to do on this matter.

They are putting you in a tight corner and it seems it's affecting you, your happiness and your marriage

This can cause hatred towards them and make you look like the devil but they are actually then one that is the Devil's advocate

I think she needs to return to them so that she will have all the times she needs to discuss her marriage

When she is ready to build her marriage and her home, she will let you know then she will stop telling them the Rubbish she is has been telling them

If they ask you why you brought her back, you let them know that they have influenced her negatively and it's affecting your marriage

That they are teaching her how to spoil a home so you will prefer she stays with them to avoid anything that will lead to domestic violence in marriage

Having done that, they will realize that you are no longer a fool and they will look for you to come and take her back

That's when you will release all the nonsense you have been hearing and witnessing.

At the end of that they will apologize and ask you to take her back

That's when you will give them the conditions that will make her return back

Which includes

Her getting a job, even if it's teaching so that she can contribute her own quota to the family and that will keep her busy when she has a responsibility to perform at home

Your inlaws need to give you and her a break to enable you guys rebuild your home and your marriage

They should stop ill advicing her against your marriage and mention what you read that her mum told her

And if she doesn't change you will bring her back again and this time around, she may not come back because there wont be vacancy for her again

If they agree to that then you consider her

But make sure you involve your family so that they will be aware of what is happening and go with your family members too

At times we take nonsense from people because you want peace
But if you look deep into that sheet, you will keep getting depressed into nonsense and yet you won't get peace
Still they won't even appreciate the fact that you are tolerating nonsense from them

It takes madness to correct nonsense from people

bjhere2009:
This trend has been in existence since I have become of age. Each home or at least majority of families tend to have it during Christmas. What does it signify?

Christmas tree is a symbol of Christmas same with Christmas decorations

It reminds you of the biggest celebration around the world and it beautifys your home

Justbehave:
Rubbish. As if this is what you will tell him if he had complained about his father. All you females are same.Shame to you all. Oloshos everywhere.

Since you stop taking your medications, you have been responding to chats in a negative way

Same way you have been reacting like a loose dog

[quote author=peejayT post=118361554]

daboy18:
My 16 years old sister left the house since Christmas eve only to be returned yesterday evening at 11pm , my dad was very angry he promised to deal with her in a way she will never forget throughout her life , my mum said he shouldn't or else they will be war. When the girl returned my dad asks where she was and she was busy chewing gums and turning her eyes like she was having epepilsy seizure my mum was shouting at him to leave her alone but my dad hit her omg the slapped sound it still hunting me , it was my first time seeing my dad being a man of the house that he is supposed to be long time ago and I was so proud of him but that didn't last long when my mum slapped my dad back and they started fighting omg she beat him up my dad is not strong cus of diabetes she locked him outside saying if I dare to open the door for him she will locked me out too. I quietly went inside my room crying and I left the house early morning to go and look for my dad he is actually at his elder brother place he says he will not return back. I feel sorry for him and I have sworn to never marry a woman like my mum she doesn't deserve the titled wife or mother and as for my sister she is cursed for disrespecting dad and the time she will realize her mistakes it will be too late for her. I wish my dad a long life so I will over pamper him when I become rich, I am only 20 and one day I will make him proud.

So sorry for the whole embarrassing things that happened and still happening

I think you have to beg dad to come back home so that your mum will see that he loves his family

Now the most important advice I will give to you and your dad is to over look your mum and your sister especially when they start their crazy behavior

You guys should just over look them, if you can,
at the end if it doesn't work out well for your sister, she will fight with your mum and they will become black enemies

You and your dad will just be observing

azraeljaheel:
Merry Xmas ma'am

thanks so much for your words of advice

please save rice and drink for me.. e choke for my side lol

God will make things easy for you and all of us

Kswine:
Please what is this thing about mother in-law and daughter in-law that doesn’t make them get along?

Am in the middle an issue and don’t know how to proceed, let me tell you how it all started.

I’m the first born of my family, my father left us with my mom and marry another woman. To assist my mom I had to get a part time job while still in secondary school and this really affect my life.

Fast forward to 5 years ago I met my wife and we begin dating, during this time I won’t lie I saw some red flags about her family but was hoping things will change along the line. Her mom is a prophetess in a white garment church, she said my wife was her favorite in all her children. I didn’t count it because I see it as a normal thing for a mother to love her child endlessly.

To cut the long story short, last year my babe got pregnant and we decided to introduce both families and after that she will go stay with my mom for a while because am not always around and she need someone at home with her.

Now during this time mom do complain that she’s not free and do isolate herself from the rest of the family, on many occasion I’ll sit her down and we talk things out only for it to repeat itself.

On the second month of her stay with my mom I told her to go visit her mom maybe when she comes back things will be better, my wife got to her house and told her mom all sort of things and the next thing she and her mom started insulting my mom. All this thing happened around March this year and since then they have been begging because I told her nothing will make me marry her again.

Family meeting upon family meeting has been going on and at the end they want me to forgive her and bring her home which my mom insist.

Now I don’t want to look like a weak man because she and her family went too far by insulting someone I love and cherish and on the other hand I don’t want my daughter to grow up without a father figure in her life, so I don’t know what to do.

Please no insult

Well you still have to bring her back and watch how she will relate with your mum

Whichever way she relates with your mum is the exact way she will relate with you

If she treats your mum bad be rest assured that she will treat you same

For now, accept her and don't do any marriage commitment and watch if she has changed for good

But the major problem now is that, you see this white garment church
Hmmmm
You are hooked ooh

Especially as her mum is into prophecy things

Keep correcting her till you see some changes

If you don't want to bring her home
Let her stay with her mother then you give the excuse that you want her to be with her mum since she loves her most and she is in her first pregnancy

That you love her same way you love your mother and you don't like them having issues

But the truth is that she doesn't respect your mum

Take note of that

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

Trade with caution

For she to be selfish to know that you are there to cope with the situation on ground shows that she doesn't care

If you can get a room self-contain you will be better off

If you can't afford that, you have to stand in your ground that you don't have money to give her

Very soon she will be expecting feeding support from you

Meanwhile stop telling her things that are private especially about your money and spending

Start speaking that you ate broke

Use it as a ringing tone around her so that she will remove eyes from your pocket

But the best is for you to leave there

WhisperedNoise:
Your comment is wise and practicable.

Thanks dear

Supreme145:
So I've been dating this lady since early this year and everything has been going on smoothly, in fact I even had to tell my mom about her, the first time I would talk to my mother about a lady, but she sounded not too pleased about the lady. Someone she hasn't even met physically.

I've two younger sisters between aged 17 and 15, I didn't like the way they were dressed the last time I visited home so I always try to send them a token every month end to get new cloths. This Xmas I have a lot on my table and have been brainstorming on how to structure my expenses.

My babe is an only child and a fashion freak so she has loads of cloths in her wardrobe. She offered to give some to my sisters without me even asking. She gave me over 30 different pieces of cloths, and bought an ayaya gown or whatever its called for my mom worth around 15k. This is a student that doesn't even have a reliable means of income and I don't give her much. She opened up that she has been saving to get my mom a gift.

I called my mom this morning to tell her that I would be sending the cloths over with some other stuffs I bought for them and she outrightly rejected the girl's gifts citing spiritual reasons that she cant accept gifts from someone she doesn't know. She even accused the girl of trying to pressure me into marriage by pretending to love my family.

I am 30 years old and have dated countless ladies and none has showed genuine concern towards my family like this particular one. It would be so heart breaking to tell her that my mom rejected her gifts knowing how she enthusiastic she was gathering those items.

Sometimes I get tired of my moms spirituality, she's not considering that my sisters even need those items. Those cloths worth over 50k even as second hand materials. I don't understand why she would dislike someone she hasn't even met before.

How do I handle this situation, I don't know what to do with these items, I can't return it to my girlfriend cos it will really hurt her.

You just have to handle this in a matured way

You are in between the two women in your life and you don't have to keep a secret that will create more problems

Seat her down and tell her what happen and that she should give you time to sort things out

Dont forget to tell her that your mum don't hate her but she is the church going type and it's about her religious life

Keep those gift and one day it will get to your sister's

Meanwhile keep dating her until the day your mum will meet her and believe that her good heart can melt a stubborn mother inlaw

azraeljaheel:
good afternoon ma'am
bless you for the days you have always been there for me ... need your help and advice.. I am the first born and my dad is bout to die(so I was told).. I am told to come see him... Please I am in a state of dilemma right now..

Pls be strong and the will of God be done perfectly for your father to be well

God will take control of every situation

Pukkalolo:
One of the most steady lies society tells us is that women are smarter than men. Moreover, in my experience, I don’t think women are necessarily smarter.

Many times, when it comes to real life situation where intelligence and critical thinking is needed, they don't really perform better than men.

For example, in a work situation the other day, couple of guys were brought together in a group: they easily collaborated even when they didn’t even really like each other much, but they still got the job done quickly and efficiently.

But when couple of women were brought together in a group, not only that nothing was got done, it also resulted to unnecessary drama where two women insisted that they would not work with some other woman.

Men are smarter that is why many of them go into head cracking jobs like engineering, Tech, Financial analysts, Architects , database analysis. Women aren't as smart as men; Supposedly, this is the reason they run towards jobs such as customer care rep, secretary, front desk, TV show host, air hostess or prostitution.

The only situation where women are smarter is their ability to manipulate and exploit men

Your last paragraph have said it all

That's is what they mean when they say women are smarter, love and relationships is where the topic is centered on

When it comes to official matters, women play lesser roles to perform and that makes them have less influence on men

youngmd:
Leave that thing na husband when loyal go chop .u want to be forming boss,boss

You have said it all
Women are willing to give but you have to be loyal than forming boss and expecting her to reason with you

ThMysteriousMan:
Thanks for the encouragements, i really appreciate.

You are welcome

ThMysteriousMan:
But my age is scaring me. How can I be thinking about what to do with my future at the age of 26, something i suppose figure out immediately i finished secondary school.

I made a lot of mistakes in the past.

At 26years, you can correct any mistakes

So far you are not sick and not disable, you can make it

Determination is the key

Stop wallowing on the past, it will weigh you down

Shake them off and you will bounce back with victory

Just be focuse and know your purpose

Else you will loose your balance

Optionally:
So I've been dating this guy for 10 months now and he's nice caring and all that, but my issue now is that each time he gives me money i usually save it or use it to clear my bills. Now because of the festive season he gave me 530k two days ago of which i am planning to save or clear my needs as usual but now this guy is forcing me to use the money to invest or start a business. This has caused issues between us because i see no need for such when i have personal needs.
Just because of this issue this guy has been vexing for himself calling me all sort of names.

He wants to teach you how to be prudent

But that's the last thought in your mind

Dont be surprise he may dump you for a more serious lady who have the interest to invest

ThMysteriousMan:
Please mods move to appropriate section.

Hello friends, please i Need you guys to advice me.

Am a 26yr old guy with only SSCE, i don't have any skills/handiwork, so am already panicking because chances of me making it in life is gradually fading away.

So i was able to save up 400k, i am really confused, i don't know what to do with the money because if i misuse it, i will be back to square one.

I want to learn fashion designing but i don't know how lucrative the thing will be in the nearest future.

Please guys, help a confused brother, every advice or idea will be gladly appreciated

Please mods move to front page, i really need help.

mydd44

I will advise you take enough time, cool down and learn fashion designing

Then you can add another skill like baring and run both in I e big shop

At least, there is no way you can one won't move if both don't move at the same time

While you still think of what to do with your future

Idowu116:
Hello nairalanders, there is this very good friend of mine who got married this year, early April.So last week Friday,i came to do some projects around that ibeju lekki side of Lagos.So my friend lives there with his bride and after closing for the day,i decided to say hi to them because it's been a while we met.I got there,knocked on the gate but to my surprise I met the gate slightly closed then I begin to wonder what if thieves entered the compound.I entered the house and heard moaning. I called my friend number to let him know am around but he told me he is not around that his wife is home.I went to the room the moaning was coming from and I could here bleeping sounds.I knocked and the action stopped.The wife opened the door I saw her in underwears,she was shocked to see me.To cut the story short, I saw the leg of a man beside the bed and that was how they started begging me,the guy was so dirty and unkept.I snapped his face by force on my phone and the bride started begging me not to tell her husband.Telling me she will do sleep with me to compensate me and I got more annoyed.
This is a lady my friend spent millions for her bride price oo.Women are indeed useless
I haven't told anyone about the incident though but am going to tell my friend soon

Save your life, leave her with her harlot life

She will be the one to report or expose herself

Anon4509:
I opened this anonymous account because I really need to know how to proceed with this. Before I continue I want to state that every single thing typed here is true and is currently my life story. Please, this is a long read and names have been changed to protect my identity.

I am not from a poor home and the reason why I think it’s necessary to say this is so people can give me a balanced advise without thinking money played a role in my decisions, my parents are middle class and doing well, I’ve never in my life struggled financially and I grew up with the best my parents could provide.

Few years ago I started meeting white foreign men online, I would talk to them, send pictures, chat and just spent time together. This slowly developed into these men sending me some money to take care of myself, this wasn’t a case of yahoo or leading these men on but they just simply provided when I complained about something, I took the money because why not. I would like to note at this point that I wasn’t dating any of those men and we were just friends I was also dating in Nigeria so for me it was just a friendly engagement with these strangers whom I’ll never meet, things also evaporated after a while and when the heat turned cold with these online men we would stop texting.

This was how I met Tom, he is a white man who is a shy guy who was new to dating or meeting women, he is a nerd. I’ve met and dated nerds before so I was used to the personality, to be more specific my type of men are nerds, Tom fell instantly in love with me, he slowly became obsessed with me and thought since I’m African then I have to be poor and struggling, I didn’t correct this assumption but instead fed into it as I considered it funny at the time.

We started talking everyday and few weeks later (I think a month) Tom asked me to be his girlfriend and we started dating, before we started dating Tom sent me money once or twice, nothing major just about 300 dollars or so.

Immediately we started dating, Tom started sending me money, I was in in uni and Tom began sending me about 1k dollars(sometimes more) every month because he got the idea I needed the money to take care of myself, after uni he rented an apartment for me, bought me a car because he said I’m too pretty to walk under the sun, paid for the furnishing etc I could tell he was in love but with his love came obsession, he wanted to always talk to me and I would give excuses, etc but I still provided balance because the money was quite sweet and I didn’t want to lose it, I do not love Tom in any way, and I believe I was giving him companionship in exchange for money so if he wanted to believe we were dating that was the little I could do.

I met Jerry a few months after uni, he is the sweetest most thoughtful man I’ve met, I instantly fell in love with him and he was the first man I had sex with, I spent a lot of time with him and we were so in love. I was still dating Tom at this point because I mean the extra money I was getting from Tom meant I could live extremely well, at this point I had stopped asking my parents for money and was dependent on Tom and the money I was getting from my job, I was earning about 200k.

I told Tom I was jobless so he wouldn’t stop taking care of me and I managed Tom, Jerry and my job well to ensure everyone was happy. I am also very big on my career, I just love money and living well too much, I like to buy expensive thing and I’ll rather not use my money for it.

Jerry was also taking care of my needs, He was earning extremely well, is a young millionaire so he sends me money monthly and bought anything I needed.

We are boyfriend and girlfriend and have plans to get married in a few years, Jerry has met my parents and knows knows about Tom but doesn’t care because he loves me and the relationship with Tom has been entirely virtual so he doesn’t think there’s anything there (to be fair Jerry doesn’t know the extent of my relationship with Tom or that Tom sends me money regularly) however Tom doesn’t know about Jerry.

I’ve been dating Tom for almost 3 years virtually, we have never seen each other but Tom wants us to see in a year’s time, he sponsored my relocation, paid for every single thing, I only paid for my visa processing myself from money I saved up, Tom also paid for my rent, and still sends me upkeep monthly. He says he loves me and wants to support me I don’t trust anyone so I save all the money he sends me for a rainy day.

I am still dating Jerry who sends me money monthly and we are planning our future, I want to end things with Tom but I do not know how to do it, I am scared he will track me down and kill me because of everything he has sacrificed for me, he’s also obsessed with me and has tried knowing my address multiple times but I’ve been wise enough to never release it.

I’ve thought about disappearing (deactivating the app we communicate on) but he knows my social media accounts and I really don’t want to have to deactivate my accounts as I struggled to build it and currently have a lot of followers. I also think disappearing won’t work.

Please, how can I successfully break up with Tom without losing my life ? I also don’t want Jerry to be aware of the complexities of my relationship with Tom, he might get very angry because Jerry loves me too much and gets jealous easily, He hates other men he perceives have feelings for me being around me.

Paying Tom back the money he has spent which runs into thousands and thousands of dollars IS NOT an option because he willingly gave me every thing and I will not put myself in a negative financial situation because of him, Tom also has my nude pictures and although he’s a sweet person I know will never do anything like leak it I really don’t want to take that risk.

I’ve slowly began fighting with Tom so I can use that as an excuse to end things but so far it’s not working. I also do not want to get arrested, even though I believe I didn’t commit any crime I’ll rather not be arrested and have my parents reputation ruined because they’re fairly popular.

I feel no guilt for this nor do I have any remorse because I did nothing wrong and I provided companionship in exchange for money which isn’t a crime but more of feeling greedy.

Please, I need tips and practical solutions not judgement. I’m not a saint and will never be which is fine.

I am not here to judge you

But you are worst than a yahoo and a scammer

Your case is the most difficult story I have read here and have nothing to offer as advice

You are living a deceitful life with no remorse

Bethanybethel:
Yes ooo i cut my dad out of my life 9 years ago because he abandoned my mum in her sick bed while he was staying with another woman , he is now sick and weak begging for me to pay for his treatments which i refused I am paying him back for what he has done to my mum . I don’t care if he dies or not and I don’t regret it

Sorry about what you witnessed between your parents that made you take such a hard stance

Karma knows how to pay people back for bad things they did to people

As for your dad
Let him experience what your mum experience

Then for you
Pray to God to direct you and give you wisdom to handle this difficult decision and situation

Aguiyimba:
Tomorrow, you will regret your action.

You dont need to say that because you didn't witness what made her to take such drastic decision

She will not suffer

Let everyone bear the consequence of their actions

Only God can judge not man

Amotolongbo:
Lola the “bad” one still remains in the marriage while Anita the “good” one is no where to be found again

I love what you wrote

Lola senior Peter in age, yet you hardly hear them cough on each other

Londonderry:
Please I want advice on how best to rid my compound of snakes, I learnt chemicals are not effective so also are plants. I need advice on any effective way. Are there pets that can do that or anything.

Make sure the next plot before yours on all sides are thoroughly cleared

Snakes like crawling under the grass to disguise themselves

Then keep a pet bottle of snippet at home to pour on it from a distance if you see any

Nemesis0147:
Good day fam...

I have an elder sister,our only sister to be precise.
Now the problem is that she talk to us boys anyhow and hardly apologize when she offends you,,,,she can keep malice with you for 2years even when she is at fault......because she is the eldest and the only girl.....maybe sha.

The one that happened of recent was we had an occasion last month which me and my junior brother took care of the all the expenses....she didn’t call me when I went back to my base.
Only for her to call me after 3 days with insults because someone told her something which was not true and she didn’t bother to hear from me before throwing insults at me....no respect whatsoever!!

I didn’t reply her,,,I just locked up so we haven’t spoken since then......this Xmas period,I just feel like crediting her because I have her account number but I’m still pained because she don’t give me that respect.....I’m the first son by the way and she is the first daughter.....

Should I lock up or just credit her?
Don’t tell me to call her because I won’t.....


NB:she is married and their okay so the money might not be anything to her but I just feel like showing love.

Forget about her attitude

Women can be crazy and high for nothing reasonably

Just credit her account and send a message to that she will use the money to buy things for her children

Wether she calls you to thank you or not, leave that to her

Make sure you say buy Christmas things for your children

That's all

Let her be dealing with it while you are already done with her

Give400:
This is going to be a long write cos I want to go into details so you all will understand everything. Sorry for the typos in advance

I dated this girl for years. We used to live together before I relocated to another state.

So here is the full story. We started dating in early 2014 we were still teenagers. Tho I wasn't the one that disvirgined her but she was good then. Her breasts and everything was firm and standing. Two years later she started giving me bad behaviors. I endured till I got tired by the end of 2016 and moved on because she started disrespecting me as well. I couldn't take that and moved on.

Fast forward early 2020 she contacted me I asked how she got my number cos I changed numbers then. She said she got it from my sister. They were kind of close.
This girl pestered me and I don't even know what she told or did to my sister but I found my sister begging on her behalf that I should accept her as well.
On a norm I wouldn't have accepted her but because I wasn't in a relationship then and konji was so on my neck I had no choice than to accept her back.

Thats how we came back and free sex was enough.we lived together I was the one paying the rent. I was providing and even got her a job she used o work and contribute and everything was good in the first 4 months until the fifth month she lost her job cos she made some mistakes and lost some money and her oga arrested her. I paid up and she said she won't go back so that's how she became a sit at home gf.

Fast forward I found out she was in contact with one of her exes. I even stumbled on their Facebook chat where she was asking the guy why he got married. The guy responded that he got tired of her ass the moment he realized she was dating one reverend father. Then I knew after our initial breakup this girl went on to become a LovePeddler.

So this girl kept disturbing this guy she will call him even though he told her was married she didn't stop. The same way she was disturbing me early that year to come back. Anytime I confront her about this guy she'd lie that it's the guy that's disturbing her.

Lemme not bore you guys...so this girl proposed a business idea and since I had spare funds I wasn't using then I found it cool and I gave her 200k to buy 20 bags of groundnuts. She said she had a woman she knows in her village that used to do the business. She was to send her the money to buy the groundnut and save it then when the prices go up we will sell and make double or triple profits.

So she sent me an account number to send the money to claiming it's the woman's son account number. Alas it was her ex's account number because the account name matched with the Facebook name. When I confronted her she denied at first but later opened up and promised me not to worry that the guy was only going to withdraw the money and give to the woman as she didn't have a bank account. I kept cool even though I felt betrayed.

Now instead of 20 bags of groundnut they bought only 15k. That covid affected the markets as people were scared to go to the markets and there was no groundnut to buy. OK send me pics of the 15 bags they bought it became wahala. It took weeks of postponement before the guy sent pics. At a time I got angry and collected her phone and called and the guy picked. I asked why is it a problem to send pics of the bags. The guy blatantly told me he doesn't have any business with me that I should not call him. That really got me and I said it's enough.

So I made my own plan. I exercised patience and forfeited the 50k. Cos it was obvious I wasn't going to get the funds because when I asked to get my 50k they will say they are going to buy that I should chill. They are going to buy turned to weeks and months till I gave up.

So I waited and when it was the right time which was December we sold the groundnuts and I got profit of 100k. Cos it was sold at 20k each. So in total I made 300k. Minus my 200k that's 100k profit. They ate the other 50k.

So i got the money and played along. I acted as if I don't even know what was going. In fact I changed and started adapting to her games. I smash her more often than I used to and squeeze whatever was left of her fallen boobs to nothing. Like I made up my mind to use her and dump on the road side where she belonged. I accepted she was damaged and that was the only way to do away with someone like her.
Rent was due by March 2021. I started looking for a new apartment we was in January then. I got an apartment in another neighboring state not so far just 2k transport.

Fortunately enough for me she got a job and used to work 5 days and come home only by weekend. So I had enough time to orchestrate my plans cos this girl refused to leavve. I know some people might be wondering why I chose to run. She refused to leave me. She even called the police me when I told her I don't want to do again. They said since she's living with me and I was the one that brought her in town then I shouldn't chase her out. I said ok

So I got my apartment and arranged the placed and she left for work on a blessed day and I used he opportunity to park my valuables and important properties and left. When she got home she called I told her I had traveled to Benin republic. She asked why I packed my things and my gen I told her I sold them to add money for my journey that I will be back.
I told her I will be back in a month that it's a bug business and I will eventually hit big in two to three weeks then I will be back. She bought it


Few days later I changed my Sim and that was the end.

So fast forward to last month we met and this girl has become something else. Very dirty and unkempt. Indeed I tried for her but she really deserved where she is atm. She was really pissed when she saw me. She said lots of scary stuff even some people at the event were like what's going on. She said she still has my pictures and I should think about that. That really spooked me.

The problem now is she's still threatening that she knows I played her and she's going to make sure she hurt me spiritually or in anyway for using her and running away leaving her with nothing. That she doesn't care if it's going to cost her life. She said this on the event day and just today someone called me telling me the same thing that she's going about telling she's going to make sure I am useless just like the way I made her. I don't even want to mention the number of curses she placed on me on the event day.

What I want to know is how do I go about this. Is she just making empty threats or is it something I should take serious. If that's the case then how do I go about it my brethren. I am seriously confused and kind of scared a bit to be honest.
Cos someone else could hear her and use that opportunity to hurt me then place it on her. Anything can happen when people go about saying they will hurt you. Help a brother with the right thing to do. Thanks

So far you did not promise her marriage

Cool down and let her rant for a while

Then after about a long time, chat her up with hello beauty

That may keep her cool and from their you take it up gradually

Over time you break a news to her that you are HIV positive and you will advise she goes for her own test

That alone may scare her

Then study more about HIV patients and what they take so that whenever she ask you, you will know what to tell her

Let's see if this will work and with time, you start ghosting her and when she calls, you tell her that you feel bad about the situation

Dont send it as message but break the news on phone call

sqlPAIN:
She's married with two Male kids but has been divorced for almost four years now and is now staying with her little children in my father's(her brother) house in the village. Normally every December, me and my family do travel home but this time,my parents and siblings refused to travel as a result of what's happening in the East but I travelled never the less and ever since I got here, It has been from one sexual temptation to another. This lady is almost 40 but if you see her, with the way she looks and how endowed she is, youll think she's 25-27...I'm seriously trying to avoid this lady but we're the only one's in this big house and it's really difficult to avoid her, she's the one who cooks for both of us....She's be trying to seduce me into having sex with her for countless times now and even a kid can tell she knows what she's doing... Last night I was watching some world cup highlights in the sitting room when she just came all of a sudden with only a towel that was just covering half of her laps, and came to sit besides me asking me if I have a girlfriend, asking me if I use a condom while gave sex with her(can you imagine question), telling me all sorts of nonsense about safe sex all while stylishly making some seductive body contact, and I was shirtless. At some point I had to leave the sitting room for her because my pen*s was visibly erected and I know she saw it. One time she came to my room while I was watching movies with my laptop on my bed in the guise of bringing me my food, Oyo drop food and go, aunty drop food come lye down for bed with me asking me why I like to to watch oyinbo film too much(in Igbo), with ordinary wrapper and no underwear ohh...I just don't know what to do because I feel it's just a Matter of time before I am forced to sex this lady and I'm not the churchy type...... I've even masturbated with the thought of having sex with her just to try and call my hormones but omo, it seems I might end up leaving this place earlier than expected or fûcking the living day light out of her...God abeg ohh..

You are encouraging the temptation you are facing, so I will advise you to back out and if possible return back to where you left to the village if you don't have any other place to stay

Alternatively, get a girl around to stay with you in that same house

Her presence will hurt her and she will shift from you

But if you are too weak to take a bold step, you can fall for her and be prepared to father a child from her

After all you wanted it

Amumaigwe:
Simply put. You need not paint your spouse in bad light to justify your leaving. Being tired of the marriage is enough and very convenient because it needs no further explanation.

To me is not about painting her spouse bad

A woman that wants to leave her marriage will hide nothing and will have excuses to leave her spouse

Same thing applicable to a man

There is a reason for every action

Mino1000:
Hi everyone, so I met this beautiful babe June this year and we started dating three months later. We genuinely loved each other and we had a relationship that people envied.

We trusted each other so much that I had access to her google account and all her personal info on my laptop, while she also had mine on her phone to cut the long story short, I have a problem of always getting worried whenever she is not home and I can't reach her for example if she leaves in a bolt and the journey is 30minutes but she is not reachable one hour later I start to worry and call people I feel are at home and even the bolt rider.

On this particular day, she had a meeting with her colleagues which just came into the country, she shared her live location but it was last updated an hour ago, she was not picking her calls and it was 11:45pm mind you she was in Ikeja and lives at lekki so she was still going to Lekki that night in this dangerous December month in Lagos. I called and called but she did not pick then I got so worried and went to her google contacts to get her boss number and called him. He told her I called and that is how trouble started.

She explained that nobody has his number and she is the middle man between him and clients so his number getting into my hands without her permission means his company info is not safe. She said I have destroyed all what she labored to build over the years and blocked me everywhere (phone, whatsapp, snapchat) and left me with only instagram access. I have been begging her since last night when this happened, but she only unblocked me to tell me not to call her again and blocked me back.

I have been trying to explain to her that relationship and marriage is full of challenges so she should not let this one destroy what we had but she has been ignoring me. If I call with a different number she hangs up immediately she hears my voice.

We were already talking about marriage and in fact, I had already started making arrangements for a proposal next year.

I swear I really love this lady with everything that I have and I know for a fact that she loved me too but right now I am confused I am wondering how she was so much in love with me yesterday morning but doesn’t even want to hear my voice today. She went as far as threatening to get me arrested if I come close to her house. I am really confused and need mature advice on what to do to save this relationship because right now I can’t focus on anything. Plus I trust her so I wasn’t calling because I thought she was doing something silly.

The problem here is that, you worry too much about her and it's not convinient for her

Give her time to sort herself out from the mix up of calling her boss

udeh3:
I went through her narration, and I didn't see where the man lied. He was a civil servant. Many things are really wrong with Africans, and one is the lack of proper education. Do you know there's dignity in labour. Why pressuring him to go to school? In UK or US, a plumber makes more money than a medical doctor. Non is inferior to the other, only in Africa

This is somebody that didn't look back, but sacrificed for you to go to school without thinking it twice. He preferred her going to school than training himself. Can this lady do same if she was in this guy's shoe? You finished and dated a rich dude... If not love for money, why do that? You went back to him and married him this time. Money came, yes, through you! Did her altitude changed or not when the money came?

She attested that the guy never raised a hand on her even when they were suffering... Suffering should bring in anger and not the other way round. Now, he's beating you, so, what changed in you? What were the things you were saying to him now that made him hit you?

When I condemn hitting your partner, are you also free from bad behaviors?

The Mistake has been done, she can't cope with him again

Do I nned to tell you that her status changed and she felt she need a better partner

When people are feed up with their marriage, don't beg them to stay behind because they already made up their mind before bringing it out

Marriage is a place of joy and love not a place where your mind will be else where

Instead of them fighting and maming themselves let them separate

Secondly she is better of dating another man as she has done while alone, instead of doing so in the man's house

The bottom line is that she is feed up, understand that aspect

People do get tired of their marriage, only few get tired and still stay in the in there

Julius Agwu wife said she separated from her husband because she is tired of the marriage, do we blame her
Are we in their shoes

They are matured adults and can take responsibilities for their actions

Once a woman starts acting this ways, she has already made up her mind and the best is to let her go

Did you read where she said she us going abroad for schooling, what does it mean

It means that she has long ago planned this, she just want us to know not that we should advice her not to separate

Until she leaves that man she won't be happy

So what's the essence of her staying

Wannabenz:
Hello Guys!

I'm trying to do court marriage abi Registery Marriage. My question is after doing introduction with the girls family do I need to go ahead and do court marriage and still plan on doing traditional wedding?

They are two different things

You are actually supposed to do the traditional marriage, where the family would hand her over to you then you proceed for registry

Introduction in marriage is not the same with traditional and that alone haven't made the marriage process complete

piecuntie:
HI NAIRALANDERS ;
I am about to seperate from husband who sponsored me in school because I am fed up.

I came from a very poor family. I met my husband when I was 19. He wasn't doing well either, he told me he was an engineer in a public hospital but as time went on I got to know he was a level 3 plumber in the civil service.

Well I was young, naive, hungry and blindly in love. He went to trade school and I encouraged him to go back to school for HND or bsc but he said he was going to sponsor me first. I got pregnant for him in my first year in school when I was 20yrs old, my mom was against it. I got to know he was 13years older than me while pregnant. HE TOLD ME HE WAS 26yrs old.

My mom wanted me to abort it, instead i packed my things and stayed with him.
He abused my mom and I defended him. I gave birth while in school and he continued to support me both financially. We fought during those period, series of red flag but I decided to ignore it as long he wasn't beating me. He abused me emotionally. He knew my family was poor and there was no where i could go.

I finished school and my friends told me not to marry a plumber, I declined and told them he promised to go to school.

I finished school and i was scared of depending on him with my child, we were not doing fine at all.

I had no choice than to date a rich guy who helped me with a good job in the year 2017. HE got to know about the guy and i broke up with him. I apologized and we GOT MARRIED LEGALLY and got pregnant with my second child. We spent only 150k.

All the money i made from my salary, I made sure i supported him, i moved out of the family house in the year 2019, we have been there for 8yrs, he couldnt afford to rent a house, I spent 400k, both of us had no friends, we only had each other. I helped my brother and they did well in business. I asked my husband to go back to school, he was still adamant.

We went to a traditional person and they told him there is a curse on his head that i should bathe and do some sacrifice for him, which i did.

By year 2020 he was doing fine, we didn't even go hungry during the lockdown, I supported him with 2million naira and we did our traditional marriage.

IT was his business patners who were notorious cheat and neglected their wife that did his groom men, They introduced him to an association, i have asked him what is the aim of the association, he cant tell me, it is a secret.

3 months after the wedding, he started cheating and even beat me for the first time on our wedding anniversary becaus of the girl,
When he saw i withdrawed all financia assistant like paying half of the rent and paying one of the kids school fees. he called family members to beg me and we settled and i bought a family car for us to use.

Since then i have been walking on eggs around him, he tells me i should respect his age that we are not mate, he beat me again last 3 months saying i am as proud as my mother and i abused his mother back.

This monday i had to run after bus to go to work because i told im i was looking for mOney, and he said i just call him a thief. I had no money on me i had to call my brother to give me money. He wasnt even bothered. He doesn't call me again, WE DONT GO OUT AGAIN


I don't stress him for expensive outing our wigs or phone.
I bought my phone or trip myself out. He would rather hang out with his friends. He tells his friends and the kids i wear cheap outfits.

My mind is now strong. I don't cry again if he offends me nor complain.

I want to divorce him , sell the car and use it for this UK study route and take my children as dependent without him knowing. I am tired of the marriage already. He is 44 while I am 31. i want to move on with my life.

Sorry for the long write up

Well you have tried so far
He trained you in school quite alright but you have paid him back too with all the financial support you put into his business and marriage

If you are no longer finding peace and love in the marriage, you can do whatever that is in your mind

I stand with you because the marriage foundation was on lies and now that you are fully aware he lied to you that he works in the Engineering department, probably you thought he was an engineer and he went to the university, whats wrong if he tells you he works as a plumber in government hospital

You wanted him to upgrade himself and go to school, but he dogged it because he is not capable of being in school as his brain can't stand higher education, why not tell you openly that he doesn't want to further his education


While you go ahead with your plan, even when you get there, live your life but give him access on phone to speak with the children

But am 100% sure that you may never want him again because ov his violence on you

Real men don't beat women, they walk away