₦airaland Forum

Dominiondominio:
I’m a 26 years old woman married to a 37 years old man. We have been married for almost 3 years.

We don’t have kids yet and 6 months ago I ended up in hospital with sepsis. The doctors originally thought it was caused by a kidney infection but later found that it was caused by Pelvic Inflammatory disease.

They repeatedly asked about my sexual history but I have only slept with one person in the past 3 years - my husband. I ended up having to have emergency surgery as the infection would not respond to the IV antibiotics they were giving me. I was in hospital for 10 days and have potential long- term damage which will affect my ability to have children.

I recently found out that my husband has cheated on me a number of times throughout our marriage and that the Pelvic inflammation was caused by untreated Gonorrhoea.

When I was discharged from hospital, he admitted that he has been cheating on me with a single mother of 4 (unprotected sex ) And he got the gonorrhea! How irresponsible! I am completely devastated and don't want to believe that the love of my life could be so callous. I very nearly died and if it were not for the brilliant doctors who quickly recognised my symptoms.

Of course the woman my husband got the gonorrhea from denied everything and I bet she won’t go get treated and will continue to spread this nasty and dangerous disease! She is done with having kids so why would she care, right?

Well, I do want to have kids and I won’t let my fertility and health taken away! the emotional damage caused by the infidelity itself is horrible. I feel angry, dirty, and ugly. All I want to do is cry all day. I can’t talk to anyone about it because I feel so ashamed. The person I trust the most is my mother but i don't want to break her heart. I know that to her my happiness matters the most and I think she would be angry at me the rest of her life if I told her that I still love my husband.

My husband feels remorseful and said he would never cheat on me again. He said he would choose me over any lifestyle and that he would give up everything for me. I have a very hard time trusting him again and I still don't know what I want from this whole thing. I just can't understand why my husband would have sex with a disgusting, nasty woman and betray me on so many levels. My pride got hurt so badly. I feel so ugly and worthless. My libido is absolutely gone. I feel empty inside. Then all the sudden I feel horrible, horrible anger and I want to break everything in sight. On some nights I can't sleep and sometimes I want to sleep all day. Most days I'm not even hungry and I have to force myself to eat something.

I feel like I will never be happy again. I used to be a happy, confident, bubbly person, now my zest for life is gone. Is this normal? Will these feelings ever go away?

My dear sister, pls relax and move on

He has made you to lose trust and interest in him

With time it will be fine

Assuming he has some money, I will advise you guys go for IVF, think about this and plan towards that

He will cheat again and again, but move on and make yourself happy

The more you brood over it the worst it hurts you more

singleguy03:
I can't help but point out the fact that guys here seem to enjoy cruelty towards women.

I have also found out that all this cruelty seem to originate from this red pill philosophy currently sweeping the Internet.

Below are screenshots of some really hurtful comments I have found.
Guys please why is this so?

You are right with your observation, those comments are from the premature guys, who lack the experience of what it takes to be a real gentleman

They see women as sex tools but they are yet to have a real encounter with women that will format their brain to original factory settings

Victoronah1:
I don't really know the right place to put this so I decided to do it here.
I am the first in my family,in my early 20s, I came from a rich family, well let me say 80% wealth rich over 100 if we are to do the maths. My dad is a politician and also a Reverend. I don't want to give away to much on this forum. My dad has about 57 properties alone in Enugu both shops and duplex. And in Port, Lagos and Abuja. I can't say more, I gave you this hint to see where I am heading to. Now I went to a very expensive primary school, paid over 250k per term also went to a very expensive private university paid close to 800k per year. When I was in uni my allowance was 100k per month excluding clubbing money and going out with girls. Infact my dad told me to ask him for money even if I want to take my girlfriend out and I should not have below 30k in my account at all in any day. This made me very lazy, and I don't even work cause he gave me 5 of his properties when I was in my final, I was very rich that I was wasting money like a fool, my pride became 10000million times more to the extent I even slapped my school registrar one day. Although I paid money oo and later graduated. Infact school was useless for me, I don't care what I graduated with, I felt I was okay and won't go poor, everyone kept telling me about how much pride I have. But it's now affecting me badly, my pride has made me loose opportunities even I had the chance to be my ward chairman but my pride bleeped me. My dad was very angry that he was setting me up to succeed him in politics and do better and I am using my pride to mess things up now I am so lazy, I live in my father duplex alone. 7 bedroom duplex just me alone. I don't even want to work, I do films on Vimeo to make money (the only work I can do) cause I said I can't even work in a private sector. My mum talked to me and told me I need to work for someone and answer yes sir or madam, come to work very early etc, that it will help me reduce my pride, but my pride still can't let me to do this. Please I need matured advice I want to work under someone in as much I know I may be richer than the person, there is something I want to change in my life which is that pride. Cause if I go into politics with this, my enemies may shoot me one day.

Please I need matured advice.

You are the problem and you are the solution

Drop your pride, you must drop it by yourself

The money you are making from the assets given to you by your dad is as useless as the owner

Start thinking before you become some people permanent ATM

You must humble yourself to a fault

Lastly, relocate to another neighbourhood and rent an apartment and go and learn a trade, it will humble you to a better person

Those properties in your possession can be taken away from you by those that knows that you draw your strength from there

Talk to yourself and change your life style and mindset

missimelda01:
I was going to use his phone for something then I noticed some pornography sites in his browser, aside that he makes some funny moves like skipping school and just being home alone, hiding when pressing his phone and lots more. I tried convincing his mom to search his phone but this boy cleared everything, now he gives me this funny attitude. I want to catch him red handed and report to his dad, but I'm not sure if that's the right approach.

You don't need to catch him red handed, he us smart on his game

Report to dad and he knows better how to talk with him with out making him feel bad about it

And that saves your identity as the informant

Visit your brides family and have a discussion with questions from your father in law to be

Because culture defers, what ever we advise to you, may be in the contrary

Keypazwad:
I had to create a new account to table out my troubles.
I’m married with two kids and a step son. The summary of my problem is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE.
Even after giving him more chances to chance, he beat me up few days ago and still blamed me for his actions.
I wanted to leave but he informed our pastor and he begged me to manage my home. That there’s no better person outside. He’s not even addressing the violence issues.
I really want to leave but I’m a full house wife and I depend on him financially cause I’m an SSCE holder.
There’s no help whatsoever from my parents. I’m confused cause he’s processing a Canadian visa for us which would take twelve weeks to complete.
Should I just count my blessings and loss and move on now, or wait until we get to Canada?

You have to be totally submissive to a fault

You are helpless now because you are nit empowered in any form so why are you flexing muscles with him

You must respect and tolerate anything that makes you guys to quarrel, avoid it the way people avoid HIV

Time will come, you will have a voice and have a choice to stay or leave without any regret

In as much as you depend on him for even up to sanitary pad, behave

You may not understand where am coming from, but if you think deep after reading, you will follow my words and ond day, you will be the one to press his mumu button

Jenny44life:
I have been visiting this forum anonymously, I just created an account to get this off my chest.
I am not necessarily looking for advice, I just want to get the story out and maybe get some other perspectives. This is a long one and I will be talking about some the issues I’ve had with my mother in law.

I and my husband live in the US, we’ve been married for four years. We both work the same hours and make almost the same amount of money. We both contribute 50:50 to our expenses and savings. I do most of the house chores: cooking, laundry and general cleaning. I don’t mind doing it since it’s just the two of us and we clean up after ourselves, and he steps in whenever it is overwhelming (often without me asking). We are very alike, we have the same values and we never fought. We have disagreements but they were always settled without shouting.

About a year ago I had to take a very important professional exam. We discussed about my study plan and agreed that I should dedicate two weeks before the exam and focus on my studies. The plan was to work half days and then use the rest of the day to study in the library. We met as students, so we are both used to studying at a particular library till very late. Everything was going great until his mother said she wanted to visit from Nigeria. The time of her visit included my study and exam dates. I told my husband that I will be unable to host his mother properly while she is here and that it would be better if she comes after that exam. My husband thought about it and said he wants her to come, that he will take care of her when she is around. He said since we married, she usually spends time with me, and he has not had alone time with his mum so he will take this opportunity to do so. I agreed.

When she arrived, I discussed with her how I am studying for my exam and will not be home often. That she should enjoy her son. While I was studying, I would leave very early and comeback after everyone had slept. I was surviving on 4 hours of sleep. I eventually wrote the exam and passed (Woohoo!) and things came back to normal. She left a day after my exam and before she left, she called me and my husband to pray for us. That was when she started telling me how I am a bad wife, I am not taking care of her precious son, my work is not more important that feeding my husband, this is the reason why we don’t have kids and so on. I was shocked. My mother in law has visited us 3 times before in the past and has seen me cooking and cleaning. During those other visits, I was the one that did everything for her. She also called her two brothers and sister that live in US to tell them she was on her way and also reported me to them. I respect those people so much and have never had an issue with them. I hated that my reputation was being tarnished. They talked to me over the phone and asked me to be a good wife. I did not say anything and neither did my husband. I fully expected my husband to stand up for me, but he did not. When his mother left, we had the first and biggest fight we have ever had in all the years we’ve been together. We dated for 3 years before marriage. It was explosive but we eventually settled and even got counseling from church. We apologized to each other and moved on. But my relationship with my mother in law never recovered. I just couldn’t go back to being close to her like I was before. It dawned on me that she did not have my interest at heart. She is a career-oriented woman and retired as a director in the civil service, so I expected her to be understanding. We still talk on the phone but not as often as it was.

The present issue is that I am pregnant. After talking to our doctors and my sister in law, me and my husband have decided that we don’t want any live-in visitors the first month after the baby is here. We want to spend that month just as a family and bond with our baby. Then we can have his parents and my parents come stay at different times. His parents were going to come first and stay for 4-5 months, my parents would come later and stay for another 4-5 months. I have applied for my maternity leave and he also took time off work so that we are both home when baby gets here. All our family members are on board with this plan… except my mother in law.

When we told her, she started crying on the phone, saying she wants to see the birth of her grandchild. She was present in the hospital for the birth of my sister in law’s baby and she had assumed she would be with us in the hospital for our baby’s birth. Even if she is around when I give birth, I am sure I do not want her in my room while I have vag.ina wide open and in a vulnerable state. I have left my issue for my husband to deal with. They have had numerous discussions about it, and it is going nowhere. My mother in law has told other family members about it and just this past weekend, I received two calls from his aunties in Nigeria. I am not sure what she told them, but they told me that I should not try to separate a grandparent from their grandchild. She also called my mother and tried to get her on-board saying that they can both come and witness the birth of their grandchild together. We heard from my sister in law that my mother in law has already started looking at flights and will book one soon.

My husband and I are tired. We are unwilling to compromise as it appears mother in law believes she can override our decisions, we think this is the time to start exercising out authority as parents. Father in law has promised to talk to his wife but I am not sure what will come of it. The whole thing is causing us stress.

My dear sister, your husband doesn't have a firm grip on jus mother

Just relax and don't take your mother inlaw actions personal

If she insisted on coming before the arrival of your bay pls allow her, she won't be there forever

In as much as you are nit the one paying for the ticket pls give her the chance

Better still, let your own mother be around tgat same period so that she will witness her actions and decisions

If they start quarrelling, leave both if then to face themselves in as much as you have already told her about your mother inlaw attitude

By right, it's your mum that us supposed to be with you so send money to her for her preparation and ask her to get the things needed

You don't need to talk too much to send a signal

The more you talk the more you implicate yourself

Silent speaks and action works faster than words

Pls explain how this works and how you go about it

papaejima20199:
This is my first time posting NL , although I've been reading a lot in the last few months . I'll try to be as detailed as possible. I don't even know if I'm asking a question, or advice, or what. I just have to get some things out of my brain.

I’m 36 and my wife is 32. we've been married for 12 years and have two children, twins age 1. I would say happily married. As in, we don't fight, , never any abuse of any kind, no major life disagreements. I love my wife. She is a great mother, a great provider for the family, and we make a great team when it comes to raising our kids. However, she leaves me feeling undesired. Sexually, just intimacy in general, not feeling wanted or desired, missing that flirtatious quality that we all enjoy in a relationship. Our sex life has been on a steady decline, honestly since we got married. Less and less and less every year, and yes, kids make that even more difficult (and provide very easy excuses)

About 2 years ago, I was close to cheating. There was a girl at work that I flirted with often. We started hanging out , and we always seemed to end up talking, touching innocently, flirting, but nothing ever happened between us. The feeling this girl gave me inspired me to tell my wife how I was feeling, what I was missing, etc. I told her how important sex was to me, asked her what I could change, or if she needed to change something. Her response was that she "just didn't really think about it like you do" and that she would try to work on it. Well she didn't work on it, at all.

The flirty girl didn't work with me any more, and I lost that "flame" with her and let it go, and went about life as usual. I've been working a lot of hours over the last six months. I fell into this flirty relationship with one of my coworkers 22 and we just would have a lot of fun with one another. Mad sexual tension. A few months back things happen and she blows me. Its great. Best sex of my life. We set up plans to meet up off work hours and we do.

My coworker is in perfect shape. Its like my perfect woman. I love the way she loves me. She appreciates me, she satisfies me, she matches my sexual drive, and even exceeds it. She is everything I was missing in life, and I'm as happy as I've been in a long time. She is also crazy about me which feels unbelievable. Its been a while since someone has just wanted me to be happy and wanted to please me. I now consider her my girlfriend.

I don't wish to hurt my wife. But I do wish to be happy.

I do not wish for my children to grow up in a home with divorce. I want them to grow up with myself and my wife still being the team we've been so far, doing equal parts to take care of them, and always be there for them.

I realize a lot of what I'm saying are things that can't go together. I want to be with my girlfriend, I don't want to hurt my wife, and I don't want my kids to suffer . I can't have it all. Now I feel stuck

I need help because I can't seem to go through with this alone, and I have no one close enough with the time and level of trust that I can confide in, so I would really appreciate it if you'd offer me some advice.

Thanks for reading

This is very strong and tough

The bottom line is that you are not getting the best of what you desire, which is sex

Sex is soo strong that if you don't get it as your body desires, you start looking for who will give it to you

I think as it is, if you want to keep a girlfriend, you can if that will give you temporary relief and satisfaction

But leaving your wife for your girl friend, what if she has another kid for you and start behaving same, you will leave her for another lady and on and on

Whatever you desire with any woman is for a temporary period unless you are ready to keep two women as wives

The ones outside looks sweeter than the ones inside because you are just tapping and not full owners

Enjoy yourself but preserve the sanctity of your marriage, unless you want to tell me that you are really fed up with her

You can still eat your cake in this case, but don't eat it while it's hot

byna:
Hello guys ,

Married my wife about 5yrs ago.

Initially she sleeps without snooring

Suddenly after putting to bed, she started snooring to the extent that I hardly sleep at night.

I don't want her to feel ashamed of this if I openly confront her.

Please I love her and would love to know how best to approach this issue.

She must have added weight

She can only snoor if she sleeps facing the ceiling

Tell her politely that you will appreciate if she sleeps side ways or stomach down because she snoors loudly anytime she sleeps facing up

Bosslaady:
I cheated on my husband with another man but he never found out and I never confessed to cheating. I got pregnant by the neighbour I was having an affair with. I was fed up with the lack of physical intimacy between me and my Husband. I knew the baby wasn't my husband's because my husband and I hadn't had sex when the baby was conceived. When I discovered that I was pregnant I told my husband I wanted to have children because I thought it might help to strengthen our marriage. I made the argument that I was ovulating and that we needed to work on getting me pregnant right away before the window of opportunity closed or I changed my mind. My husband has always wanted us to have a child so it wasn't hard to get him to agree. I gave my husband a fake due date and my pregnancy actually went over the real due date, but close enough to the fake due date. My husband never suspected a thing. Our daughter is 7 years old now and my husband still has no idea that he’s not my daughter’s biological father. There's more to fatherhood than being a sperm donor. He's been a wonderful father in that time. We've had another child in that time a healthy boy of 4 years. We're a close family and I'm not going to let some DNA destroy it.

It feels so good to type this out and get this off my chest. I don't even care if nobody even reads it.

It has happened already, just close the matter and ask God for forgiveness

DAVE5:
Someone I know in China studying, due to the coronavirus thingy, they evacuated school but govt still pays them well enough for their upkeep

Imagine what they'll think of us hearing that the govt intends to even tax the poor who can barely have 3 square meals, meanwhile the political class are high-flying in style

They are acting as if such decisions won't affect their families on the long run

Very soon they will tax higher institution students once you get admission you start paying tax, directly from bank account

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

To me, you took her unaware that's why she reacted this way

Both of you should have sat down earlier before now to make out plans on how you are going to get money or spend the money for wedding

That she earns over 200k is not the issue, the issue is the way you would have presented it, it would have been done in a way that you need her help with cooperation

Well visit her and find out why she is not picking calls, if she is reacting about the budget on her side

Just politely tell her that she should bear with you and the date can be shifted to enable you save some money

With that, it's either she cooperates or she finance her path

And if she agrees to your ideas, enjoy yourself and keep her busy with pregnancy

If she doesn't buy your idea, ask her what she wants and the way forward

Forced17:
Good morning Nairalanders

This has been eating me up for days. Me and this girl have been together for 3 years now, she's 17 and I'm 19.

I accept all bashings for being in a relationship at this age, she's the last born though and we perfectly understand each other.

Now her father is forcing her to marry a man in Kaduna, she refused and the father threatened to throw her and her siblings including the mum out into the streets or send them to the village if she doesn't marry the man.

Now she hasn't even for days now and she's contemplating on taking her life and she just told me about this yesterday and this has brought me down so much. I don't know what to do, I need help. This is about her future, I don't want her to be forced to become a mother at 17 and living under a man she doesn't know.

She has only three weeks before the man comes to take her away.
My girlfriend is being sold into marriage and I don't know what to do.

I need help, I'm heartbroken��
I don't know who can help me push this to front page

Do you really love her

Do you think you are set to marry with the support if your family

Are you sure you can stand the stress of marriage not even at this teenage age

How will both of you cope assuming you get her impregnated and decides to marry her if you are really set, get her into family way and inform your parents

But left for me, leave her alone to face her father and tell him she is nit interested in the so called husband

Let her father disown her or chase she and her mother to the village you can make arrangements for both of you to be seeing each other

If I may give you parental advice, you are too junior to start dragging an issue you can't handle

At your age, if your parents doesn't give you 100% support to marry her, hunger alone will deal with both of you

I repeat, you are not matured enough to understand what love is, no matter your experience so far, you can't understand what goes in and out of love, relationships, marriage, life struggle and life challenges

As it is, you are not even focusing on your self, if its because of free sex and the rest, you will get enough as you advance in age and even get tired of it

mistacoco2:
an referring to ippis.. they pay salary to paramilitaries in the country.

To all federal workers

mistacoco2:
If you work with the paramilitary you will know that ippis are crooks.. those guys likely to be the highly corrupt and disorganized department in the country

Are you referring to the ippis or paramilitary

Marvellous God, who says there are no miracles

sassysure:
This is where we all get it wrong in Nigeria.
The kitchen is not the woman's exclusive right.
So many grew up with that notion.

Some BIL cook, do u know that?
Some husbands cook too?
Anybody can cook so why is it the wife's exclusive right?
As anybody can cook, so anybody aside kids have the right to dish out food and eat. U don't eat in a tensed up environment. Ordinary food?

After cooking, some are dished into plastics and stored in the fridge or freezer.
Don't she have fridge or freezer in her house.
Dish out her husband's in food flask and leave the remaining in the pot.
Why will I dish out food for a grown up living with me?
I will also wash his plate after eating too.

Very unnecessary. Where women should apply sense, they won't. It's only inside food matter.
As if the guy will live with them forever and her kids wont visit their uncle in the future.

Apply these statements in your own home that's where it will be of use

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

Politely tell him that you want him to stop going to your pot and will appreciate if he needs any thing from the pot, he should let you know and you did prefer to dish yourself

He may be the glutton type and eats any how

At this stage, you don't need husband permission to do that, it's your home and your kitchen is exclusively your rightful place and you have to let him know that even your husband doesn't go to your pot

Be firm and stand on your feet, no body will support any body going to a woman's pot without her permission

Let him go and report you to his family, if they call you, say it to them just the way you told him and say it in his front and his presence

It's time you say out the things you don't like and stand up and defend it

As for your husband, don't give him that chance to surpress your decision, he is the type that loves protecting his family rather than his wife

Don't get scared, you owe no one explanation

Romangalactic:
I'll try to keep my predicament short. I registered a new account for this purpose but I'm sure many of you will understand that sterility is not something to be announced which is exactly how I got myself in this situation. I am 35 and engaged to a beautiful woman who completes me in every way. As much as it hurts me to say this, I have not been totally honest with her about everything.
Just yesterday while we were home together, she told me that she is pregnant . I asked her how sure she is, she said she had done the pee test and that she knows how she is feeling. The issue here is that I am sterile but I have not told her this before so it is impossible that I am responsible.

Please before anyone tells me I deserve this for not opening up to her, I have been undergoing treatment secretly and they say I will be able to father children when it's done so of course, I am hopeful and have not bothered to inform her about any of this. I can't stand losing her for any reason. My issue right now is that I asked my endocrinologist this morning if it's possible that the treatment is already working and he said we have not gone far enough to see any results yet. This means I am definitely not the father of the child she is carrying.

Only one other person in this world knows about my health challenge and that is my cousin. I told him and he told me to break up with my fiancée, someone I have already done introduction with and families are involved. I told him I cannot and that he must take the secret to the grave, he thinks I am making the biggest mistake of my life.
Well I told him my plan is to accept the pregnancy and continue to make her think I don't know she cheated on me. I am doing this with the hope that after we get married, my treatment will be completed and everything will be back to normal. But at the same time, I still can't shake the feeling that I am about to marry someone who cheated and is passing off another man's child as mine, I feel cheated and it hurts.

Can anyone else please tell me what to do about this situation I have found myself? Please I just need to hear from other people besides my cousin. Another thing, he has never really liked my fiancée so I feel that also may be his motivation.
I need neutral opinions please

Well you never can tell if your potency has been corrected with you or your doctor knowing

Do you normally get erection, if yes does it stand the time required of you while you penetrate her, if yes, do you feel any sensation down there while ejaculating if yes, then you may have been OK

Have you been having this issue for how long or it just developed

It's time you let her know your medical challenge, openness in any relationship helps both parties to be free with each other

I will suggest you tell her a d let her know your situation and how far you have gone

Ask her if she ever cheated on you if she says no, fine tell her you will do a DNA test at the right time to be sure of the paternity of that child

And if the result comes out negative, you will reject her and the child

But if it comes out positive, you will continue to lover her forever

Then you also tell her that if she cheated on you by any error, she can as well sort it out her self

Her response is what you will hold on to until that child is born and you do the DNA test

If she never ever cheated on you, she won't be bothered about the DNA

samuelivingston:
Pls sir

I once made a passport renewal.

The renewed passport is now lost.

And i cant remember its number again so i can file lost affidavit and police report to obtain another one.

But i have the oldest one with me. Since like 2005 version.

My question is

Can i simply renew this 2005 passport instead of applying for a new one?

Thank you

The data base have your Biometric record of the lost one, go to their office and make a complain, you will be assisted to retrieve the lost number

Don't do another one, you will definitely lose the payment and be asked to do a lost case of the lost one

McCoy662:
Good evening my good people. Our result just came out today and my worst imagination has happened. I saw my name in 2:2 division, what I have always tried to avoid since my year 1. I know it's my project supervisor that fvcked me up cause he has been hostile to me for no reason. I feel really bad, but that did has been done.

So, I just want to know how bad is 2:2 in Nigerian market? Is it something to count on or should I just move on like I never went to the university??

I need answers please!!

I don't know why you are bothered about it

Your project supervisor scores is not enough to place you there

Your grade is OK and it f you think it's not OK, go for your masters

Opeyemiebun:
Evening guys, please I will like to seek people's opinion concerning this issue that I have in my home.

I am a married Man with a Kid. Before marriage, my wife has a federal job outside Lagos while I run my business in Lagos. Due to Nigeria's economy, I asked her not to resign as she keeps working while I also keep on with my hustle. I have to be fair to her as she has been giving her all in this marriage and I so envy her strength to make things work despite the distance.

We had our first child last year and she is going to a year.. We both contribute financially and bring something to the table as we run 2 different homes.

I know she goes through a lot taking care of the baby without a car and I know how tedious it is for her to manage.

We are both young (I am 30 while she is 28)
We got our first few properties this January and we planning to do other things as we both bring money together to get things done.

We have plans of getting our first car within a month and my wife suddenly demanded that she also needs a car where she is due to the stress she goes through daily picking my child from creche and managing that with her own job. I asked that I employ a helper for her but she doesn't want.

She plans on getting the car within the next 2months with her own money. My issue is that I am business oriented and see it as a waste of money buying 2 cars when we can buy one and invest the money for the other one.

I am a Civil Engineer and my Job requires I get a car for mobility.
I feel guilty by trying to stop her from getting the car while I get mine and at the same time, if she get one I will also need to get.

I have been cracking my head up trying to see how we can go about it without hurting her and be fair to her as she is the best woman I can ever ask for.

What should I do, should we both get cars and let other stuffs take it course?

Car is a necesity not luxury, pls for peace to reign, give her the support she needs since she is getting it with her own money

She will feel bad if you don't help or give her the support and that will make her to be strong and tough since she knows that she can do it alone

Let her get it but help her by asking her questions and follow up about the processing

Then prepare too to get yours

Mind yours and she will mind hers

Unless she calls your attention, don't put interest in hers since you have yours

Let her service it maintain it by herself, if you do that for her she won't feel the impact

bongolistik:
Please I will like your honest suggestion with reasons on this.

She (Let's just call her Ada) stays with her sister and in-law, but her sister that she is staying with, feels she need some space with her husband, so she plans to settle her sister (Ada) in a way, so Ada can stand on her own and leave her home for her.

Ada is also tired of staying in her sister's place and she also need a space for herself. Ada is about 24 years old.

Note, Ada's sister is a police officer, likewise the husband. So on the settlement ground, she gave Ada two options to choose from, so Ada can leave her house and give her space. So she offered Ada to choose from sponsoring her to catering school or joining the police. At least as a police officer, coupled with her force husband too, they will certainly have the connection of easily having Ada join the police.

On the two options, she preferred Ada to join the police than sponsoring her to catering school, while on the contrary, Ada prefers going to catering school, so she can find something doing for herself after the catering school.

Now if you are Ada, what will you do? Will you press on to be sponsored for catering school or just give up to join the police against your wish, since joining the police will be an easier way out of leaving the sister's home?

Please your humble submission with reasons are needed for better decision.

Mode please move to front page

Pls forget about catering school for now, you can always go for it

Join the police and be engaged with your job after training

You have to be humble and modest to get a husband as a police woman

Don't allow the uniform get into your head else you lose your track

ogepure:
What can u do when you hae a husband that keeps malice with you in every little misunderstanding you have with him.

He will keep malice with you for weeks or even months. When you greet him early in the morning he snobs you. You greet him in d evening when he comes back, he will not respond.

If he wants to eat, he asks the house help to give him food which you cooked yourself. Or he getsthe food himself. He will not talk to you until he is satisfied. He doesn't pick your calls.

Pls how do u deal with such a situation.

Always make it a point of duty to avoid anything whatsoever to avoid him getting annoyed with you

Even if the topic or decision is not favourable to you

I can see he is the sole provifor your home so leave that for him

Some men can allow pride to rule thier lives

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Well I think you need to get separated for the time being

She is the problem now because I don't know why she said she needs time to get prepared for marriage

Maybe the love is there maybe not

But get separated first and make your analysis

SifonAbasi:
Good morning friends.

Please how can I politely stop my ex from visiting my home?

Yesterday was the third time my husband returns from work to meet my ex in our house.

After the incident that happened between us, my ex started coming closer to my husband and they became distance friends.
My husband invited him to our child's naming ceremony and that was how he got to know our house.

Eversince then he has been visiting and I am not comfortable with it.
I told if he must come he should come when my husband is around.

Please what should I do?

Since your husband was the one that gave him the first visit invitation, pls politely tell him in the presence of your husband that you are not comfortable of his visits to your home and you will appreciate if he out a stop to it

Simple

But if you are still interested in him by whatever means, tell him behind your husband to stop coming

uncastableodd:
Good morning everyone.

In the middle of the night today, I tried to look for duvet to cover up my son on bed. I decided to check my wife wardrobe.

I saw a pack of mycoten in the wardrobe. She already slept this time. So I had to chill till this morning to ask her questions.

So, this morning when I asked her, she said it was her mum that gave her bla bla bla..
I saw a piece of paper prescribing that cream for her in that same bag I found the cream.

I googled the uses of mycoten and I found out it was nothing serious because it is use for yeast infection and vagina odour. My wife dont have vagina odour and I understand yeast infection can be gotten from toilet or could be infection of body skin that spread or so.

I actually know she lied about her mummy giving her. But what baffles me is that I got a whatsapp message from her when she was coming from my son school..

She wrote that I nag a lot. That I should give her space. That u think she can't cope without me. She said she will look for work to take care of our son.She said we have been together for six years and I don't even trust her a bit. She said I think she can't leave without her. She didn't even address the issue of allegation of infidelity I threw against her(i deliberately did that #.I replied her I can't give her space in my own house and if she is fed up, she can pack her bags and go to her parent house. I told her if my son is infected or if I am infected , I am going to kill her and hand over myself to police. Immediately she blocked me on whatsapp and I did same. After an hour, she unblocked me.

Could she have been sleeping around her? Or are there any other uses of mycoten I don't know?

In my mind though, the cream I find is not really something to worry about but the message I got and her reaction is what I don't understand.

Every woman is prone to have vagina itching because of their sexual organ is really easily exposed to all kind of infection, from wetness during wee wee, released sperms from an already infected man, humidity of the vagina and the chief of them all is the toilet

Once a woman urinates in the toilet, a splash of previous water in the toilet contains germs which splashes in her vagina

Putting a dirty finger inside the vagina to scratch the area because it does scratches randomly, is enough to breed infection

That said

You are the kind of person that have trust issues and no body like staying with someone who can't even trust you

The tune of her message is a sign that the marriage will nose dive soon if you guys don't sit down and sort yourself out

If you nag alot she will bring out the inborn nature have to women by default and you will definitely be defeated

You have enough time to monitor your wife and that's where the problem will start from

Even children below 5yrs do experience vaginal itches and it's that same cream that is used for them

You better take it easy because if she wants to keep a lover outside, she will do that perfectly, but am sure that's not in her

Just respect yourself if you don't have prove yet

COWBOYFAN:
Hello Ladies and Gentlemen

I just had a traditional wedding earlier this month. I'm not based in Nigeria. I provided all the finances for the wedding before I arrived Lagos. Everything listed to be bought for the wedding I provided all. To my surprise wedding that was suppose to take place in a hall had to take place in a cramped sitting room. No food, no drinks, no DJ etc. What did they use the funds for? I don't know. I asked questions and no answers given. To be fair to her family members, I didn't give money directly to her parents or siblings. I gave the funds to my wife to be.

Surprisingly on the day of the small wedding, her uncle was accusing me of not providing money to organize the wedding properly. My heart sank. I look in the direction of my wife to be and couldn't believe what just came out of her uncle's mouth. Whereas I provided money for everything. The wedding prayers went ahead and we were joined together.

After the dry wedding ceremony I began to ask questions but my new wife couldn't give me explanation. Fast forward to last week I was looking for money I kept in my drawer and couldn't find it. I decided to just keep quiet and watch. I set another trap. I had some US Dollars in my wallet and exposed the money for her to see. I went to the shower and lo and behold my new wife removed the dollars from my wallet. I got dressed after shower and we went outside to go somewhere together as my driver was in the car waiting. As we were going, I opened my wallet and saw the dollars gone. I blew a whistle right there and she denied it. I asked driver to return home. I had my parent and siblings at home on that day but I can bet my life on them. I told them what's going on. My new wife was all over the place and shaken. I refused to talk to her. I confided in my mother and explained how I set the trap for my wife. Surprisingly my wife started making moves. She planted the money all over the place which I saw as she was doing. I pretended I didn't see her. I refused to talk to her. All of a sudden she confronted me and attacked me that I suspected her to be the one who stole my money. She started saying she stoop so low to allow herself to be ridiculed in the presence of my family. I confronted her with evidence and she began crying and blaming devil. She has done series of money infractions that I couldn't list here. She fights me for money on daily basis since we got married. No money ever enough.

This is a woman that I gave a car to already and spent so much on to be comfortable. I just bought her another car to be given to her on her birthday. On the day she stole the dollars I had just given her 100,000 naira pocket money for the week. She's been crying and begging for two days saying it won't happen again. She has refused to eat.

Here is the bombshell I just confirmed she's now three weeks pregnant. I can't trust my life with her at this juncture. I'm leaning towards divorce. I'm too scared to be with her. She's too greedy.

I got annoyed reading this, go to her family and let them know what you observe in her and can't cope with her

Acknowledge the owner of the pregnancy and take care of her and the baby

Meanwhile, consider that marriage to be a bad market

Sort yourself out and live your normal life with whoever pleases you

clevybrown:
just pray not to b a victim in the hands of this people called armed robbers, only then u will understand that they are better killed than left alive.

Exactly, you have said it all